I remember a netizen shared this experience before:
When he was a child, he showed off his newly bought toys to his mother, but his mother threw it away: "I bought these broken things all day long and have time to play with toys, why don't I recite an ancient poem?"
went to middle school. He ranked third in the final exam, hoping to get his mother's praise, but heard his mother say, "Although I got the third place this time, it's a difference from the first and second place." It's still quite big, we need to keep working hard."
Now this netizen has graduated from college and often hears his mother complaining: "Now the child is getting older and older, I won't share anything with me, and the relationship is getting farther and farther away."
In life, many parents find that they are getting farther and farther away from their children. I don't know when, the little guy who always sticks to them at the time is too lazy to say anything, and they feel that they have raised "eyed wolves" and their children don't know how to be grateful.
But in fact, there are no children who don’t want to get close to their parents, only parents who make their children helpless and desperate.
The problem of children who grow up and don’t get close to their parents often lies with their parents themselves. As parents, they must do the following three things well and establish a close relationship with their children.
0-6 years old: Parents should give companionship
variety show " Mom is Superman ", the boy Andy is extremely indifferent to his mother Huang Shengyi .
staff asked Andy: "What is the happiest thing I have ever experienced with my parents?"
Andy said nothing at first, but after a while, he slowly shook his head.
After Huang Shengyi saw this scene outside the door, she turned around and tears flowed down. She was busy with work and rarely had the opportunity to stay with Andy with her side, which made her deeply sigh that "nothing can replace the company of her children."
In fact, those children who don’t get close to their parents when they grow up often grow up in an environment of “lost love”. If parents fail to try their best to accompany their children when they were young, then when the children grow up, even if they spend twelve points of effort to make up for it, it will be difficult to get close to each other.
Psychology believes that 0-6 years old is an important period for establishing an attachment relationship with children, and 0-3 years old is particularly critical. Children need to gain a sense of security and trust through frequent skin contact and intensive emotional communication, and establish a healthy attachment relationship with parents.
Therefore, in the early stages of a child's life, we should give him enough companionship and care, pay attention to this important time of parent-child companionship, and give his child a sufficient sense of security, which will have an important impact on the child's life.
6-14 years old: Parents should give understanding and support
As children grow older, many parents will feel that their children are "disconnected from discipline" and are increasingly unable to understand their children's ideas, so they become stronger and stronger, and their distances are getting farther and farther away from their children.
In fact, as an independent individual, it is normal for children to have their own ideas. As parents, they should give understanding and support, rather than cracking down on and discipline them hard.
documentary "Little Boy", there is a child named Yin Ran, who has an almost obsessed love for insects.
It is logical that if the child is "not doing his job" and fiddling with the bugs that make people feel numb when they look at the scalp, parents will inevitably get furious and force their children to release them.
But Yin Ran's parents chose to support him, and his mother even lowered her posture and learned the term "raising insects" with Yin Ran, which made him go further and further in this unique hobby.
It is precisely because of the understanding and support of their parents that Yin Ran and his parents have never had any barriers. They say everything they say, and their relationship has always been as close as they were when they were young.
On the road of children's growth, parents' identification and affirmation are essential. Only when we give children more understanding and support can we build a bridge of communication between each other and keep intimate.
14 years old: Respect and let go, reshape the parent-child relationship
Yi Nengjing When participating in variety shows, many netizens envied her and her children's relaxed way of getting along, but there was also friction between her and her son.
Out of his own understanding of career development, Yi Nengjing hopes that her son will learn to write, but her son has a special liking for video editing, and a conflict between the mother and the son started to quarrel.
The son shouted at Yi Nengjing: "You just use what you know to tell me, how do you know, what you know is everything? I know what you don't know, you have never been to my future!"
Yi Nengjing finally realized: children have their own ideas about the future, and they should not interfere too much.
As children grow older, they will be more eager to be independent and begin to have their own considerations for their own development. If parents forcefully intervene, it will only arouse their children's disgust, causing the parent-child relationship to become more tense and rigid.
Li Meijin Professor Li Meijin once said: "After children are puberty, parents should learn to shut up."
When educating children, we should have the wisdom to "shut up" appropriately and give children appropriate guidance and help, rather than forcibly decide their children's future.
Lao Miao's conclusion:
In addition to wishing children to grow up safely and healthily, every parent subconsciously also hopes to stay close to their children.
On the road of parenting, I hope that all parents can do the above three things well and not let their children get further and further away from themselves.
Topic today: How is your relationship with your child?
I am Lao Miao - a super dad born in the 1980s and the most eye-catching male head nurse in the hospital. Welcome to discuss the issue of pregnancy together, please pay attention to Lao Miao.
