Hello everyone, I am Hu Junli.
Family education entrepreneur who accompanys mothers to raise their children scientifically.
※ In addition to original articles, 3 study notes are selected every day.
Learning notes come from: books, official accounts, Zhihu, Weibo, paid communities, group chats, circle of friends, etc., which do not represent personal opinions, and do not know the original source, so most of them do not indicate where they are excerpted and deleted if they are infringed.
This is the 280th study notes:
The following is the main text of the study notes.
1. Good children may be easily controlled
In some concepts of parents, teachers and adults, good control is good children, and poor control is not good children.
So if you were considered a good child when you were a child, maybe it was just because you had no self and were easily controlled.
You may be proud of yourself when you are young, but when you become an adult, you will find that it is all painful.
2. An adult who cannot be quiet will raise his child to weak step by step
An adult who cannot be quiet will raise his child to weak step by step.
Knowing how to control one's mouth is the most advanced education for parents.
No matter how kind the words and teachings are, if they are too far, they will still become hurtful thorns, thorns in the hearts of children.
As a parent, being able to speak is a skill, but knowing how to [shut up] is a higher level of wisdom.
Educator Montessori once said: Unless you are invited by your child, never disturb your child.
When a child is focusing on doing something, if the parents always make noises and interfere, it will disrupt the child's sense of rhythm of playing and learning and the inner order, seriously destroying concentration.
Compared with endless nagging and care for every detail, 's quiet companionship and decent exit can make children grow up alone.
As long as children have these two abilities, they will not be bad at learning:
One is concentration and the other is memory.
But most of the time, children's concentration is not cultivated, but needs to be protected by us.
The most important thing to protect children's concentration is that we need to learn to shut up and not disturb us. I have written this view of
many times. Parents shut up. It is a very important and far-reaching thing in the growth of their children.
The growth of a child needs help, reminders, and notifications, but more often, what he needs most is to be alone quietly.
In a quiet state, he developed his perception ability, comprehension ability, integration ability, and ability to connect with things.
These abilities eventually gather into a part of his self.
does not give him space to be alone. His heart is full of messy fragments. No matter how much reason is, he has no time to integrate and organize these fragments. They occupy the inner space of the child but cannot integrate into his self.
3. How to deal with children’s pain?
When a child is physically or psychologically hurt, parents may find it unbearable.
When children are emotionally hurt, we want to rescue them, partly because we cannot directly relieve their inner pain.
So, we will call the principal, yell at the teacher, or complain to the parents of other children;
But we have not realized that doing so will aggravate their pain , and will also weaken their ability to bear pain by themselves (and others).
If we want our children to control their emotions, we must teach them how to disarm their emotions first.
Of course, this is different from indulging in emotions or negative resistance.
Disarming means accepting the true face of these emotions, and our pain will be determined.
In this way, we are encouraging children to truly experience their feelings.
We invite them into an open space to place the pain they have experienced.
—Excerpt from "Parents Awakening"
