A mother told Yin Jianli Teacher Yin Jianli, I have given my child freedom, but he doesn’t have a good meal. How should I solve this problem?
Teacher Yin Jianli smiled and said, "You see, it's just a small matter like eating. Even the child cannot make his own decisions. What freedom do you give him?"
Many parents are like this. They seem to be giving their children freedom, but they inadvertently deprive them of many rights. Take the matter of eating as an example. If a child wants to eat by himself, can you let him eat by himself? Especially for children who have just learned to eat, they hold chopsticks or spoons and make the rice everywhere. Sometimes they can play with food while eating. Put noodles on their heads and hair, apply rice to their faces, and rice grains are hung on their clothes. The tables and the ground are even more severely affected areas, which is particularly troublesome to clean.
Some parents will feed their children for this, in order to save trouble, but this unconsciously deprives the children of their freedom to eat by themselves.
Eating is just a very small example, and the same is true in other aspects. For example, in terms of study, many parents have enrolled their children in many training classes, which completely disrespect their children's wishes and do not give them freedom. Many plans are made during the holidays, and the plans look perfect, but the children do not implement them because this is the parents' plan, not the children's plan. During the plan formulation process, the children have no autonomy, so there will be resistance and rejection in implementation.
Then some parents may say that they have to give their children freedom in everything, so just ignore it? Let it go?
is not actually. Give children freedom not to let go, but to guide them without trace. For example, some parents are very resistant to their children's mobile phones, so they agree with their children to play with their mobile phones. If they exceed the specified time, they will be criticized. But often in this case, the child cannot abide by the agreement well. It often does not hand over the mobile phone when the prescribed time is reached, which makes the parents very angry.
So, what should I do? In my opinion, if you want to play with your child’s mobile phone, don’t limit the time. You can tell him that your mother believes that you can manage yourself well. You can do your homework after reading for a while, and come over to have a meal after finishing your homework.
Just say this, and then do your own thing, instead of reminding and reminding the child to feel that you don’t believe him, he will be very annoyed. He should have handed over his phone, but now he won’t hand over it.
If you can completely trust your child, believe that he can manage himself well, stop nagging, and stop giving advice at all times, that is truly giving the child freedom. Freedom in physical space is just an external manifestation of freedom. What a child really needs is inner freedom. He can express himself freely, do what he likes freely, and manage himself freely. Such freedom is what he needs more.
A mother said, I have given him 3 hours of freedom, isn’t that enough? How long does he want? After hearing this attitude of the mother, you will know that she actually did not trust the child completely, but she just chose to compromise with the child. In fact, she doesn't want to give these 3 hours. From the bottom of her heart, she feels that there are too many and children don't need so much freedom.
However, what the child wants is a quiet feeling and a sense of not being disturbed, and these are difficult for his mother to understand.
There are not many children who can truly have freedom in life. Most children study and live under the control of their parents. Even if they are given freedom, they are only temporary space separation. As for the unconditional trust and acceptance of parents, it may be a luxury.
