Xiao Shu said
Why do children be "stingy"? While laughing, this article also made me rethink this issue.
Every time I asked Jiujiu to share his food, he was very unhappy and would say: I would eat less; mine would be incomplete. He expressed it very clearly that whether it was sharing food, toys, or time with his mother, there were reasons to "not share". The results we teach our children to share often make children feel lost or experience weakened.
Recall carefully, is actually a child born with generosity, but the real generous place of them will not be noticed by us, or be praised by "generous" and "love sharing": they hope that guests will always live in our home, and do not want guests to leave; they can easily share clothes and are willing to sleep with others; they like to give gifts, hugs and give love.
Kids are generous, but they also like to keep certain personal things and experiences like adults.
We don’t share many things, why do we ask them to share? The clothes we wear, the cars we drive, the house we live in, and the intention behind many of the things we do is "sure that this is our private ownership": someone touches the car we parked, and the car will sound a sirens; someone takes our money and things, and we will call the police; we signed a lot of documents to prove that the house is ours... We are all committed to protecting our own private property.
We don’t share a lot of things, or we only share them on a small scale based on our personal choices. has the power to give us, is part of our social identity, and allows us to decide whether to share.
Children also hope to freely choose what to share, when to share, and who to share with based on their gradually developed sense of identity. Sacrifice one's own interests for others is not innate, not developed before the "self", nor will it develop due to our emotional coercion.
"Encourage" children to share only teach two things:
No matter what others feel and need, tell others what to do;
ignore your own feelings and do what to do.
If you want your children to be self-esteem and confident, and not to be hypocritical, don’t ask them to give it "generously". When children need to have, retain, and not share, they might as well accept that this is the stage needed for their growth. Give our support generously to your children! This is the basis for their true “generous”.
Ask more questions, listen to the child’s thoughts more, and respect her belongings and territory. For example, when a guest comes to your family, instead of asking your child to be generous, we should be more generous: "Do you need your mother to buy some Lego building blocks to play with children?"
If the child is unwilling to share food, it actually means that he doesn't think he has much. If is a snack, don’t give your children too much ! What is really unfair is that after giving him a big ice cream, he forced him to share it; or only had a cookie in his hand and asked him to share it with his sister/brother (or others), which is actually very unfair to the child. Take out something else for another child.
Of course, we can also tell children that is not something that others have, we must all have. Liujiu used to go to other children's houses to play with him. He wanted other people's toys and always asked me: Why doesn't he know how to share? I'll tell him that because he likes this toy very much, he hasn't played with it enough. Sometimes giving our children our compassion for them is enough, and we don’t necessarily give them anything.
Our two children are more likely to not share because of "this is mine!" In terms of ownership, I often tell my children in advance that this is from our family, and this is "taken to play with you and your sister", not personal. When explaining why you can't play now, you don't say that this is "mine" or "ta", but instead focuses on explaining the rules of the game and the nature of the items, such as breaking it apart, and playing is not safe, because the sister gets it first... to reduce the disputes and emotional burdens of the children.
I remembered that there was another message recently. A mother said that her child always uses her pocket money to share with her good friends, and she has a bad intuition. My opinion is that we can encourage children to use their time to share with friends more than material things to express love. money💰 is also different from ordinary materials. It has a special meaning. We use money to measure value, such as purchasing services (time) and goods. If you really want to give gifts to friends, you can understand your friends’ preferences, give them what you have, or buy a gift for your friends that she will like on a special day.
May we all be generous teachers for our children.
text = Zao Zao
When my daughter comes home from kindergarten, she often brings back some small gifts from her classmates: various bracelets, necklaces, small dolls, and even a small car that a little boy gives her... It is indeed a big sister with good popularity in the class.
came back enthusiastically last week and told me that a girl in the class wanted to give her a hidden blind box. It was difficult to draw and cost money, so I asked her, what would you give her back? My daughter had been struggling for a long time, found an elf egg, then took out the toy in the egg, and thought for a long time and said, "Let's give her this."
Someone gave her a blind box, and she gave her an empty box.
Eggshell that cannot be given away
The old mother couldn't bear it anymore and asked her, can't you give this to a friend? I'll buy two more for you! After struggling all night, I still took the empty egg the next day, and even broke off a plastic gem on the egg, saying I was reluctant to let it go. The gem was only one color...
The most exaggerated thing is that the empty egg was brought back again! The question means that the classmates already have this... How could there be such a stingy child?
is different from being unwilling to share everything about her. She takes her and her friends to shop. No matter what the mother buys for the other party, she is willing, even several times dozens of times her everything. She doesn't care at all, and she is happy with her friends.
In addition to items, the most important thing is space. Once a small area of is occupied by her, some of her gadgets will be placed in it, and the right to use this space will definitely not be shared with us. For a long time ago, everything about her was scattered on the entrance hall, bedside table and chest of drawers in her home.
A fallen leaf picked up from outside and a marble that others don’t want were all properly treasured by her. This fallen leaf and the area where the fallen leaves are located are all treasures. Facing the scene of her crying daughter and her aunt rummaging over the broken things she had just lost in the trash can, it was so familiar...
is like a mighty little dragon, occupying its gold coins and territory.
What should we do when facing such a "little Tyrannosaurus Rex"?
wait for me to react...
wait for me to react, my daughter is already everywhere in my family. She must have taken advantage of my busy schedule to ask suddenly: "Mom, can I use it here?"
was occupied by the countertop.
The entrance where only the vase and paintings were placed were placed on her two wrinkled works and an extremely ugly plastic vase. The question was: "This is my own work and my vase. I want to put it here too, why can I put it on yours?" The vase was picked up by her from the old things she threw away by her grandmother... exclusive to her.
occupy the audio figure.
The chest of drawers in the master bedroom are placed with various fallen leaves and plastic gems, and there are various figures of Little Pony and Little Pony and Little Pony and Little Pony and Little Pony and Little Pony and Little Pony and Little Pony, can they be thrown away? No, because this is their forest! One night I came back and asked, "Mom, why did I lose one leaf? Did you give it to someone?"
No leaf can be missing...
? ? ?
How could I give you the broken leaves! Maybe a gust of wind blew it down and I was swept out of the house? The old slave is clumsy and can't tell which one is garbage or which one is treasure.
The worst thing is that there are really no two identical leaves in this world. was then warned that she should not move her things in the future. If she broke anything, I can't afford it 😊.
slightest bit of items and time. I liked some things yesterday, but suddenly it didn’t matter today: “Mom, take all these leaves to give them to people.”
Who wants your broken leaves😭!
is not shared and domineering
Ta is a stingy?
is not shared and domineering, is it just a stingy? My daughter is not always a stingy person, but she was quite generous before she was five years old. Whether it is before the age of three, there is no germination stage of property rights awareness and property rights awareness, or when you have just learned to share it, it is manifested in your frequent blurting out: "Do you like it? Let my mother buy one for you too."
After experiencing the development stage of property rights awareness before the age of six, we have also received full understanding and help from us. Why are we almost six years old and become so... stingy? This kind of stinginess in
may not be the "unrighteousness" we talk about, but just a... exclusive feeling?
For example, our company often has toys and wearables for children. Once these things are on her body or belong to her, she will be very fond of and think that they are "earned" by herself. Every Mobi villain is neatly arranged, and every piece of hard clay is treasured...
On the past weekend, I accompanied my daughter to read a book called "My Rubber Band, I won't give you" in the library. It clearly answered my question. Why did I forget the little entanglement in my heart when I was a child? Adults’ thinking is too complicated, and this picture book also helped me walk through the child’s inner world:
The girl found a rubber band next to the trash can. After getting her mother’s consent, she owned this rubber band: is completely, only hers. The seemingly worthless rubber band from this moment becomes her baby, and the girl begins to imagine many plots with the rubber band. It can tie hair, tie bad guys, tie love letters...
The seemingly worthless rubber band has become her baby from this moment, because it is not something my brother has used, something to share, or something to borrow for a while, it is "existing only for me."
Girls start to imagine many plots together with rubber bands. It can be used to tie hair, tie bad guys, tie love letters... and even hit aliens, and send her to anywhere in the world.
-day imaginative thoughts are the little girl's super affirmation of the rubber band. This rubber band is my own: "It only belongs to my own things, so don't care about other people's eyes, what kind of things I like."
pairs, the "dirty iron and dead leaves" in every corner of the house are things that belong to my daughter completely, and of course they also include the space they are in. We don't understand the value of it, it looks like it's garbage. She clearly has a bunch of more expensive, real toys.
is like what is written in the picture book: "Brother will definitely make fun of my rubber band, but it doesn't matter. My brother doesn't understand it now. Forget it, I don't understand what's good about my brother's baby anyway."
In her opinion, my things probably don't exist. Only "those who can control me" are her treasures.
Recalling when I was a child, I once picked up a walnut-shaped stone in the stream. My parents thought it was a walnut shell that had been washed for a long time, and my friends thought it was a stone, and no one even came to compete with me for it.
I firmly believe that this is a "fossil", unique, very precious, take it wherever you go. Finally one day I was lost and there was no sadness in my memory. seems to be precious only when I was with me, and it is also precious .
Selfishness is protected, so that we will be selfless
Compared with the parents of the previous generation, we must respect the wishes and space of our children and be more "generous". After eating enough of the "pain" of not being satisfied with material desires when I was a child, I am willing to let my children have everything they want.However, we are still deeply influenced by " Kong Rong Rang Li ", and think that children are not humble or share, they are just not sensible and too stingy!
Children after five years old know that things belong to their own. Sharing and playing together will not affect their ownership, and once they are given out, they will be lost. The most important thing about is that they have a mature sense of property rights and will choose to share, and of course they will also choose to occupy it.
My daughter cannot share an elf egg because these elf eggs with the same appearance are different inside each one. In my opinion, she has six, which can be shared with friends. In her opinion, one missing is incomplete.
The six eggs that seem exactly the same in my opinion
She has a lot of smiley funds to control and can be used to buy gifts for her friends. After chatting hard, she found that she was willing to buy a new elf egg for her friends.
There is indeed not much independent space in her family, so she only possesses a little and a little bit every day, seeking "survival" in the cracks of her gadgets. She was willing to discuss with her that she had turned into a guest bedroom into her small space.
She has many smiling face funds to control and can be used to buy gifts for her friends, but there are only a few elf eggs, which nourishes the "property awareness" on it.
sharing is a voluntary behavior of a child, not forced, which can better understand others' "selfishness" and "self" and is not easily hurt.
Children whose property rights awareness is protected will also respect other people's property rights more. During the next National Day holiday, we are also preparing to clean up her treasures and plan a reasonable space for her at home.
How to protect children's property rights awareness within the scope of "home"?
Don't coax the child
I originally wanted my daughter to take an elf egg to school first, and then buy a compensation for her. My daughter said, "Can you guarantee that the one you buy next time is exactly the same as this one?" I can't guarantee that this is a blind box, so I gave up.
Many parents will use "Send me first and then buy" to deceive their children, and then they will not do it on the grounds such as "You already have a lot of toys" and "I'm too busy" and lose the trust of their children. Don't think about taking their things again next time!
We often see some stories on the Internet: Adults in their twenties and thirties, during the New Year, were actually destroyed by their children of a few years old and snatched away their toys... In the end, they were so angry that they could only seek comfort online.
They did not protect what they had, their parents did not protect their space, maybe they never did.
Think about our growth experience again. As parents and children, we have of course owned our own "rubber bands". There are too many things that we share with others when we are unwilling to do so.
My children can share toys with their friends, or borrow other people's things instead of having to own them. Of course, there must be some things that belong entirely to them.
Respect their space
In the past, my daughter's "ragged things" were often discarded by me and my hourly worker aunt because she did not have a small corner that belongs to her.
finally opened up an area, which has absolute right to use and dominate the space. Even if a spider web is grown inside, we will not interfere. If you want to help clean, you will definitely get her permission because you really don’t want to find fallen leaves in the trash can anymore. Similarly, she cannot destroy or occupy the space I just sorted out at will. Respecting other people's property rights will help children be welcomed and respected in interpersonal communication.
Do not force sharing
For families with two children at home, forcing sharing or forcing generous will make children feel disrespected and make them feel insecure about the property rights they have.
can instill the concept of rotation and exchange, and all of this should be based on "I am willing" and the placement. Only when they have a sense of security can they understand that sharing will not reduce ownership and can they experience the fun of it.
sharing should be protected
The most embarrassing plot must be that a guest came to the home, and the child was unwilling to share the toys at all. Don’t easily label your children as “stingy” or “selfish”, and think about whether they have shared it, and the result is that the toy is occupied or taken away.
sharing should be affirmed, not to gain more attention. We should affirm and praise children's sharing with practical actions, and protect their property rights after sharing.
At the end of "My Rubber Band, I won't give you", the girl's rubber band was lost and she couldn't find it. But she soon found a new gadget, liked and cherished.
Only when children aged five or six are not locked, they will be labeled as "stingy".
Having owned something completely and enjoyed the beauty of it is not interrupted or deprived, but naturally lost, which is acceptable to children.
They can also have the ability to accept and love something again, be full of security, and be able to protect their rights better.
1 END
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Why do children do special
in front of their mothers? Mom I want this!
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