Ding Xiaoxiao's sharing: Like, like, in the previous article, we talked about Xiaomei [a girl who has healed her life with ten years]. Today we will tell you how to separate it from the original family and start your own life. In life, we all have emotional blind spots [the relat

Ding Xiaoxiao's sharing: Like Follow and Like

In the previous article, we talked about Xiaomei [a girl who healed her life with ten years]. Today we will tell you how to separate it from the original family and start your own life.

In life, we all have emotional blind spots [the relationship between children and parents will have a significant impact on children's lives] and parents have long planted the seeds of spirit and emotions in our hearts, and they will grow with us. Some are love, respect, independence; some are fear, responsibility, or guilt.

No one is perfect, and parents are also ordinary people, and they will have emotions and lose their temper. This is normal behavior; but the continuous negative pattern [swearing, scolding; ridicule, uselessness makes oneself deeply tortured by guilt; sexual abuse; imposing too much responsibility or extreme spoiling and overprotecting] always dominates the life of children. This is a harm type of parents. They use various means to attack their children, from derogatory scolding to belt whipping, and rationalize their tyrannical behavior into admonition or education. For a child, he is in this negative relationship pattern for a long time. The lack of self-confidence and self-worth will cause self-destruction in his life after adulthood.

Understand the pain your parents bring to you, which is enough to help you relieve your sense of responsibility and guilt, and it is more enough to make you realize the responsibilities your parents have.

Are you also in the original family, and even affecting your life as an adult:

1. All parents in the world: "denied" everything [they do it for their own good] or rationalize

1. We have to admit that we will arouse our children's desire to protect their past mistakes because our parents deliberately pretend to be weak, old or no longer alive, arouse their children's desire to protect them, and blame them for their past mistakes or are more precisely defending them, but because of these, they feel guilty and just like the victim admitting their mistakes. [There was a news story about a father who abandoned his wife and children when he was young, but after he was diagnosed with cancer in his later years, he found his adult children through the media and asked for support. 】But for children, not taking timely and correctly guidance will attach the rules believed by their parents to your future family

2. You did not mean that you did not hurt me [not enough emotional company or was abandoned]

2. Manipulation: [Everything is for your own good] Based on strong dissatisfaction with your own life and the fear of being together. [For example, taking advantage of the busy work to fight the guilt of not going home often; the separation of

relationship will be lagging behind for many years or even never be realized. Don't know how to distinguish between parents' needs and your own needs. 】

As a child, he has the most basic and inalienable rights [food, clothing, housing, transportation, safety] and also require emotional comfort and respect. As parents, he should treat him positively and positively, so as to form a correct sense of self-worth. Parents can reasonably set reasonable behavioral restrictions to guide him.

[Have the right to be a child, and at the same time, he assumes some housework and responsibilities without sacrificing his childhood life. 】

Parents should maintain standards when intervening in their children's lives.

[The fear of not daring to express opinions actively when I was a child still controls my adult self. 】

3. Alcoholic parents:

It is difficult for children in such original families to trust anyone [always feel betrayed], force themselves to accomplish some difficult goals, and use some means to manipulate others when they become adults [such as picky and rebuke] to control their lives. What is even more ironic is that the defensive measures taken to fight loneliness are the disaster that makes you feel lonely as an adult.

4. Physical abuse parents: Parents like

are extremely lacking in control of impulses, have serious emotional deficiencies and dissatisfaction with needs, so children are substitutes for their parents; and they also believe that children are born evil, and only by severe criticism can they be saved. If these are not overcome in time, the child will be inferior to his parents' footsteps in the future.[Children will have self-loathing, dependence on parents, lack of confidence in others and lack of security when they become adults]

5. V. Speech abuse parents

Parents like this one perform verbal attacks on their children's appearance, intelligence, ability and value as human beings; the other is long-term teasing, sarcasm, taking insulting nicknames or attacking their children around the bush. [Children do not have enough experience in dealing with things and cannot understand what a joke is, so they will believe and fully accept their parents' evaluation of themselves] Such verbal abuse will not only cause children to form inferiority complex, but also damage legitimate self-awareness and negative expectations of survival methods and achievement values.

6. Sexual abuse of parents

This experience is the most cruel and difficult to describe. It betrays the trust between children and the most precious innocence of children. This situation does not necessarily mean that people are related to blood.

Because children don’t want to see the person they trust as bad people, they will feel guilty and have more fear, confusion, sadness, loneliness and barriers in their hearts, thus shaping a false self. It prevents adult children from getting rid of their incompetence, uselessness, and deep sin. It's abnormal to think that you are an alien.

Such original families are almost passed down from generation to generation. In the final analysis, it is a family behavior pattern formed by gradually accumulated feelings, rules, communication, concepts, etc. inherited from ancestors. They often have self-centered and self-interested concepts about their children [no matter what they do, children should respect their parents; do everything according to me, otherwise they will be wrong, etc.]

Share these is not to accuse parents or retaliate, but to face the truth of the family. Parents should be responsible for what they have done. Of course, your life is still long, and you should also be responsible for your life as an adult and even your future family or children. Then you should take positive measures to save yourself, free yourself from this negative relationship model, restore confidence and strength to gain freedom and happiness.