We will encounter various problems in raising children. For example:
If a child wants to buy toys, but the parents disagree, he will lie on the ground and roll on the tantrum;
It is time to sleep but not sleep, so he will not listen, and he will cry after a moment of fierceness;
is spoiled, can't stand any grievances, he is a crying person...
How do you deal with the various emotional problems of children? Is it patiently coaxing? Or yell at the bottom of your face?
In fact, whether it is "coaxing" or "yelling", it is not conducive to the growth of children and does not really effectively solve the emotional problems of children. If you encounter this situation again in the future, the child will still behave the same way.
, Professor Peng Kaiping, Director of the Department of Psychology at Tsinghua University, introduced a "five-step" rule to help parents guide their children to learn to regulate their emotions. The details are as follows:
Step 1: Pay attention to your heartbeat.
When we are emotionally excited, our heartbeats will accelerate. The same goes for children. When we feel that our heartbeats faster because of something, it indicates that our emotions are about to explode. At this time, we must start taking a deep breath. After a few times, we can slowly calm down.
Step 2: Cognitive awareness, talk to yourself
When the emotions stabilize, we can ask ourselves: What's wrong with me? Why am I so angry? What made me so angry?
In fact, when we realize our negative emotions, our emotions will be half better and our rationality can slowly recover. Therefore, it is important to be able to realize one's emotions, just like we press the pause button on our emotions.
Step 3: Accept yourself
The most difficult thing parents do is to accept their children’s negative emotions. Sometimes when we see children angry, we will even be more angry than them. Learning to accept children’s negative emotions is the perception that parents should have. Only by accepting and understanding children can their negative emotions be reduced.
Step 4: Refute the unreasonable cognition
The emergence of emotions is usually not caused by something directly, but by our interpretation of something. For example, if the child fails the exam, the child is so sad. The sadness is not because of poor exams, but because the child feels that he is not doing well in the exams, the teacher will not like him, or feels that he is finished, it is not the material for studying, etc., but because of the interpretation of the "not doing well in the exams", it makes him feel bad.
In fact, this interpretation is unreasonable. We must learn to refute: the teacher will not dislike me just because I didn’t do well in the exam once; not doing well in the exam once does not mean that I am not a material for studying...
Step 5: Choose positive actions
By refuting, we know that we cannot look at the problem one-sidedly. Then, next we need to take action to solve the problem. It’s still because of poor exams. Parents guide their children to find the reasons and find appropriate solutions to the reasons.
Through the above five steps, we not only teach children how to manage their emotions, but also let them learn to solve problems.
