I am a second child mother. I gave birth to my youngest son in 2015. My daughter is already 4 and a half years old. We were originally a family of four that everyone envied, but in the six months after we had a younger brother, some of my daughter's behaviors were some of her behaviors. , I became more and more worried, and after communicating with some mothers, I found that many second-child families have this problem:
For example, if my younger brother wants to drink milk, my older sister also wants to drink milk; if my younger brother wants to hug, my older sister also let her hug. When I was feeding Erbao, my sister asked me to feed her, otherwise I wouldn't eat it, and even asked me to accompany me to go to the bathroom. My behavior simply deteriorated to the infancy and toddler years.
is like the old saying: "Why are you going back more and more after living," it is really a headache.
It turned out that it was caused by the "regression" behavior
After consulting the doctor, I realized that my baby's behavior was a typical " regression ”Phenomenon.
"Regression" is a psychological defense mechanism proposed by psychologist Freud . It refers to people giving up the mature ones they have learned when they are frustrated or face anxiety, stress, etc. Skills or behaviors, and the behavior that retreats to the early stage of life,
For children, when facing stress, their behavior will temporarily deteriorate to relieve their anxiety and stress. The essence is a kind of non- Mature psychological defense mechanism.
Why do children experience "regression"
regression phenomenon, actually occurs at all ages of children.
For example, some primary school students will be refusing to go to school and crying because of their parents’ reprimands; some junior high school students will have huge psychological anxiety due to the pressure of going to school, and even have excessive behaviors of self-harm, jumping off buildings, beating and scolding their parents.
Some adults will also experience regression, such as buying clothes, bags, or having a big meal when they are unhappy. In fact, this is a kind of psychological defense. But compared to children, adults can heal themselves quickly.
Because children are young and have insufficient psychological defense mechanism when facing stress, they are not sound enough, so they are manifested as regression.
So what should we do when faced with this "regressive" behavior of children?
How should parents deal with their children's "regression" behavior
1. Do not criticize their children's regression behavior and encourage them to take care of themselves
Parents treat their children's regression correctly The method is to not criticize the child's temporary regression behavior, and at the same time encourage him to take care of himself, and When starting small things, such as when he does simple housework, can complete homework in a timely manner, or gets praised by the teacher, his parents must give praise and encouragement so that he can feel his parents' attention and full love for him. At the same time, let him communicate more with children of the same age and face up to his inner desires.
The more children feel accepted and valued, the faster the regression behavior will disappear.
2. Actively invite the boss to participate in the raising of the second baby
The reason why many big babies with second-child families have retired is that they believe that their parents have distributed their original love to the second baby and no longer love him, and even Love turns to hate, and often mutters: "Why do you want a second treasure? I want to give him away" and so on.
Although the parents felt that they had treated them fairly, Dabao still felt wronged. Even if my mother nags him a hundred times, you should love Erbao, he is your younger brother and sister, how cute he is! In the end, I found it was useless at all.
Why not try to invite him to participate in the raising of his second baby? For example, let the eldest son change his second son's diapers. The child is always curious about things he has never done before. After the eldest son completes it, he must praise him greatly and say When Erbao grows up, he will definitely love his brothers and sisters and is particularly willing to play with them.
You can also ask in a weak tone:
Dabao, mom needs your help, can you help mom bring your brother's water cup? Can you help me wash my brother's toys?
You don’t know how can your mother teach you? Is it OK?
Thank you, my baby, you are so awesome!
From sending an invitation to personally professor, I sincerely thank you! Let the second child become interested in raising a baby, gain satisfaction and a sense of accomplishment from it, and will also like the second child even more!
3. Respect the privacy and ideas of the boss. The boss should discuss the things he doesn't let him touch
Many second-child families have problems that are actually similar, such as the boss doesn't let the second child touch his toys, books, brushes, etc. In short, all this is all It's all mine, and it's not OK for the second child to touch it. Even before the eldest child goes to school or kindergarten, he has to tell his parents not to touch her things. Once he comes back, he finds that the toy is passive, which is hysterical crying. What should he do ?
First of all, you must clarify the ownership of this thing. If it is something the boss learns from, or involves the boss’s privacy, then you will definitely not let the second child touch it; if it is a toy, the eldest child can play with it, then you must discuss it with the boss. .
For example, baby, you see that brother likes to play with building blocks, can you give it to him? Help mom, don’t let him cry, okay? Only by treating the boss as the owner of the toy and respecting his decisions can the boss be more reasonable
4. Let the boss realize that growing up is such a beautiful thing
Although the baby will receive more care from his parents, he still There are many things that cannot be done, such as not being able to walk, not being able to speak, not being able to go to kindergarten, etc.
At this time, you should let the treasure see that growing up is such a meaningful thing. When you grow up, you can go to kindergarten to play with children, go to school to learn knowledge, choose clothes you like, and let your mother take care of them. Going to the playground to play, in short, when you grow up, not only learn a lot of new skills, but you can also go to more places and make more friends.
When the boss finds that being a baby is not that good, but many games cannot be made and many things cannot be eaten, he will naturally not be obsessed with making a baby who can’t do anything.
5. Treat two children equally, not just about age.
Many parents often say, you are brothers and sisters, and he is younger than you, just give in to him. Often, Dabao can't listen at this time, why should I give in to him? Then I won’t be my brother and sister anymore, I want to be my younger brother and sister. If you say too much, it will even cause a shadow of his childhood.
The best way is to treat two people equally, punish them together, and reward them together, so that Dabao can fully feel that he is valued and his parents do not favor either side. Let children grow up healthily in an atmosphere full of love.
Studies have shown that children have regression, which just means that children have had enough sense of security, so they dare to release this part of their inner needs. If mothers can guide them properly, the "regression" stage of children is actually a very short process.
Author: Waiting for Fenglai
Working mother of two children, holding a pen in her left hand and taking care of her child with her right hand. She likes reading, writing, painting, and believes that even if life is messy, she must have the poems and distance she yearns for in her heart. Follow me and continue to do so. Provide you with more parenting information.
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