There was a girl who came from a privileged background, had outstanding looks, and was excellent in her homework. When she was admitted to college, she was admitted to world-famous universities such as Oxford, Cambridge, Brown, etc.
She is also good at many sports, such as dancing, hockey, equestrian and diving, etc., not to mention them all.
Not only that, her movies have become popular all over the world and she has won multiple best actress awards.
She is Emma Watson who plays the heroine Hermione in the movie " Harry Potter ".
, a goddess with countless auras, said in an interview with the media that the results she earned through hard work did not increase her self-confidence, but instead deepened her self-doubt, fearing that others would find out that she was a liar and did not deserve everything in front of her.
is hard to understand, right. Such an excellent person would feel so inferior?
The book "Her World " explains this psychological phenomenon, which is called "Imposter Syndrome". Thinking that you are incompetent and unworthy of success, attributing your success to chance and luck, and worrying that you will be exposed like an imposter.
Imposter syndrome is a lack of self-confidence that is particularly pronounced in women.
Modern women have more freedom of choice than in the past about career, marriage, body, and life, but why are they still filled with self-doubt and holding back?
French female writer and documentary producer Elisabeth Kadoch and psychotherapist Anna de Montallo elaborated in the book through research and extensive reading.
This book focuses on the psychological characteristics of modern women. It starts from the changes in women's roles, combines scientific information, relevant research, and case analysis to explore all aspects of women's lack of self-confidence, and provides useful and achievable methods to deal with lack of self-confidence. Help women break through themselves and their own limitations.
And this has important implications for the girls who raise us in the family, that is, we should pay attention to raising confident daughters.
01 Women’s dilemma caused by lack of self-confidence
Research shows that women are more likely to underestimate themselves than men. Women are more likely to blame failure on internal factors, and this attribution method often undermines individual motivation.
I saw a girl post on the Internet before, saying that she accidentally saw a photo of her boyfriend’s ex, who was white, thin and good-looking. Ever since I saw the photo, I have no confidence and feel that I will never be as good as her. Many girls in the
comment area said they had similar experiences and thoughts, feeling that they were not good enough, which led to self-deprecating thoughts, suspicion, and mental internal friction, making it difficult to establish a healthy and intimate relationship.
The same is true for women in the workplace. Once they make a mistake, they will strongly blame themselves and question their abilities; even if they do a good job and have outstanding achievements, they still have no confidence for promotion and salary increase.
Examples like this abound in our lives. Women are unable to comprehensively view themselves, others and the world because of their lack of self-confidence. They dare not respond to challenges and even lose themselves. They can only slowly wither in the corner of reality.
Sheryl Sandberg, chief operating officer of Facebook , once said that low self-esteem costs women a lot of money. In fact, women lose much more than money because of low self-esteem.
02 Why women lack self-confidence
The author elaborates on the root causes of women's lack of self-confidence, which come from three aspects, namely historical reasons, social reasons and family reasons.
Judging from hundreds of thousands of years of history, women have always been subject to patriarchy. In ancient Greece and ancient Rome , women did not even have legal status and were subordinate to her father or husband.
Napoleon once said: They are just handed over to men to bear children for them.Aren't they their property? Like a gardener’s fruit tree?
This is extremely stupid, but it also illustrates the historical fact that women have long been regarded as subordinate to men.
How can women start to be confident if they don’t have an independent personality?
The society we live in has moved from the Napoleonic era to the highly developed modern era. Compared with the past, women already have unparalleled freedom and liberation.
However, women are still subject to social discipline all the time. When you are young, you need to be quiet, obedient, and well-behaved; when you grow up, you need to be beautiful, thin, and girlish; you need to get married every now and then to have three children, and if you don’t get married or have children, you will be a troublesome girl...
How can women who are limited in everything be confident? rise?
Among all the causes of lack of self-confidence, the most fundamental one comes from the family, because childhood is an important period for cultivating self-confidence.
CCTV host Dong Qing once mentioned in the program that she was not confident. The reason was that her father was extremely strict with her when she was a child and was never satisfied with her.
Family is the source of children’s sense of security and self-confidence. Without support and response from parents, where does self-confidence start?
03 Inspiration from women’s lack of self-confidence, focus on cultivating daughters’ self-confidence
We have found the reasons why women easily lack self-confidence, including history, society, and family, and the role of family is even more important.
This reminds us that from the beginning of early family upbringing, we should pay attention to the cultivation of daughters' self-confidence to help them calmly cope with the various difficulties they face when they grow up.
The specific suggestions are as follows:
First, respect the child's uniqueness and help her be herself
Every child is different and has his own unique personality. They are not personal extensions of their parents, they all have complete independent personalities with their own strengths and weaknesses.
She may be sunny and cheerful, or she may be sensitive and cowardly; she may be considerate, or she may be naughty and weird; she may also be beyond our imagination. The author of
particularly emphasizes in the book that what we have to do is to recognize her personality, accompany her, and help her be herself so that she can realize herself.
If she wants to become Zhang Weili , please give her a pair of professional boxing gloves.
When you give your daughter the freedom to realize herself, her daughter will be able to live in harmony with her true self, maintain a good opinion of herself, and feel accepted, all of which will inevitably give her self-confidence.
Second, break the stereotypes related to girls.
Once I was talking to someone I knew about his daughter who had just entered junior high school. He said that the learning pressure of middle school students is much greater than that of elementary school students, and the children are very hard.
The father seemed very relaxed, "She is not a boy. We do not have such high requirements for her. The family has prepared a thick dowry for her, so there is no need to study so hard."
There are many people who think like this. Put girls in a certain frame and look at them through a fixed lens.
It is not difficult to imagine that the situation girls find themselves in is not conducive to cultivating a confident personality, and may even stifle their enthusiasm for outward exploration.
In our family upbringing, as the parents who support girls, we should fight against this stereotype and give them more energy to grow up.
Third, positive discipline
If you say to a girl, "You are such an angel, so considerate", "Come on! Good job, you can do it, I believe in you!" "To be honest, this is very difficult. , you actually solved it successfully, you are so capable.”
She will integrate positive information into her thoughts and incorporate the concept that she will succeed, which will have a long-term impact on her future.
But what if the child makes a mistake?
Positive discipline points out that we can firmly express our disapproval of the mistakes we have made, but do not criticize herself. In this way, the child will understand that her behavior is not acceptable, but the parents will not humiliate her personality for it.
The positive discipline advocated in this book does not require authority to suppress, nor is it allowed to go unchecked.
In this way, by being respected and accepted, we can lay the foundation for girls' self-confidence.
Conclusion
" Her World " is a unique female spiritual growth illustration, depicting a complex and wonderful inner world of women, and providing women with insufficient self-confidence with a reference to understand themselves, change themselves, and break through themselves.
Philosopher Charles Pepin pointed out: Our current situation is not born this way, but acquired. Not confident? It doesn't matter, we can slowly find confidence in the process of becoming ourselves.
For adult women, when we understand that nothing is static, as long as we change our concepts, we can slowly regain our confidence. The
method is in the book. Hope it helps you.
For young children, during their growth process, families need to pay enough attention to the cultivation of self-confidence, so that they can become excellent and confident people in the future, realize themselves, and clear obstacles.
