shared today: "Key Conversations in Adolescence - How to Talk to Your Children about Everything"
Author: Michelle Icard
After children enter adolescence, the biggest headache for parents is not knowing how to communicate with their children, and how Only by talking can the best results be achieved; some parents feel miserable. They used to see only their mothers' children, but gradually they begin to alienate them and have nothing to say to them.
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The author Michel Ikard is a well-known education expert. The author is well aware of the challenges faced by adolescent children and has a deep understanding of parents' anxiety.
The author drew on her decades of experience working with the families who consulted her to write this book. Help parents and adolescent children achieve good communication.
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✅The clever and effective BRIEF dialogue mode makes children willing to talk to their parents.
B: Start the conversation calmly
R: Empathize with the child
I: Parents ask questions and collect information
During the conversation, I (the parent) is the one who takes the initiative to ask questions
E: Repeat what you heard
Remind parents to repeat what they heard
F: Parents should give feedback
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suggests that parents who don’t know how to talk to adolescent children can use the BRIEF dialogue model. The more you practice dialogue, you will find that children are more willing to open up to you and trust you more. You become speechless. At the same time, there are a large number of BRIEF dialogue mode cases in the book for reference.
✅ These 12 conversation misunderstandings remind parents to avoid conversation minefields
1⃣️Being too hasty at the beginning
It is recommended not to go straight to the topic at the beginning. You might as well explore the child's tone first. Before introducing sensitive topics, give yourself and your child some time to make sure you are on the same page.
2⃣️Subjectively making assumptions about children’s feelings
The most intolerable thing for adolescent children is when their parents keep saying that they know them better than they do. We should keep an open mind and not make assumptions about our children’s feelings.
3⃣️The expression is vague
Adolescent children are very sensitive. Parents do not need to be cautious. We have to rely on strategies to win-use facts and figures to speak.
4⃣️Talk too absolutely
In order to emphasize the importance of their own ideas, parents always speak too absolutely, leaving no room for anything. Wording that is too absolute will give people a feeling of being at the end of their rope.
5⃣️Speak in roundabout ways
Express your demands directly, and don’t let the other party think that you are complaining and accusing him.
6⃣️Intimidation and threats
Don’t yell and give your child ultimatums. Look at your child and tell him the consequences in a soft voice. It is much more effective than yelling at the top of your lungs.
7⃣️Passive aggression
Express your needs directly instead of deliberately pretending to be hurt.
8⃣️No Boundaries
When children are in physical or emotional danger, you must set up safety gates. Also, it’s a good idea to tell your child straight to the point not to expect too much from the conversation.
9⃣️Always want to prove yourself
Children’s constant pestering will definitely make adults angry, so you want to find evidence to convince them and make them believe that you are right.
Don't regard yourself as the protagonist
The more parents want to occupy the center position of their children's growth, the more they have to push their parents away from them.
1⃣️1⃣️Exaggeration
Parents often involuntarily exaggerate in order to make what they say appear more weighty. Unfortunately, exaggeration is counterproductive.
1⃣️2⃣️Chattering
Faced with a long-winded person, the listener will secretly swear in his heart that he will never come to him if there is any problem in the future. You hope that your children will listen to you, but insisting that you have the final say will only make your children stay away from you.
Talking with children is a big science, and we cannot expect that all problems will be solved at once. It takes time and practice.
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If you are still worried about how to have a good conversation with your children, try the direct, objective, and frank dialogue method explained in the book. I believe it can help you communicate better with your children.
