I have changed, and my world has changed
- A account of the growth of a doctor mother and a rebellious child
Hello everyone, I am Xiao Zhu, a doctor and deputy chief physician in a public hospital. Because of the child’s Being rebellious, I walked into the Daodao Enlightenment Platform to study.
During the epidemic, the children only attended online classes for one day, and then they completely lost control. They stopped studying at all and were immersed in games every day. At first, they stayed up late every night and only slept for a few hours. Later, their biological clocks were completely disrupted. Black and white are reversed. I spend all night playing games, live broadcasting, , vibrato, and . I sleep during the day, don't wash my face, brush my teeth, take a shower, or get a haircut. I only eat one meal a day, and I'm so decadent. After school started in April, he stopped going to school at all.
I know in my heart that this state of my child is not just due to online classes. During his elementary school years, he had all kinds of problems. He was procrastinating, his homework was not completed in time, and he resisted everything I arranged for him. Always seems so ignorant.
I have always felt that I am a very responsible mother. I have never stopped studying since my child was born. I don’t like the current education system. I don’t want my child to become a test machine. I want him to have a relaxed and happy life. When I was young, I didn’t like to follow the crowd. I think most people’s education methods are wrong. They don’t pay attention to the children’s inner feelings. They don’t focus on the children’s lifelong happiness. I hope my children will have cultural heritage and have Artistic accomplishment, pattern and thought.
Therefore, when he was very young, we always insisted on reading classics. When he was in elementary school, we had read Daxue, Doctrine of the Mean, Tao Te Ching, Confucius and Mencius and other classics several times. We learned Erhu and kept practicing every day. I taught the erhu fingering step by step. I could point out where the fingering was and whether the intonation was correct or not. My child is a member of the Little Red Flower Art Troupe and has performed on CCTV. This is something I am proud of. I bought I English for my children and read English every day. I just disdain the things my children learn in school. I think it is useless and too superficial. That’s it. There are no results every day and my children are busy. I believe that one day The children will understand my intentions.
As my child grows up, I find that he becomes increasingly difficult to manage and becomes more and more antagonizing to me. The smiles on his face become less and less, and he becomes increasingly unhappy.
In fact, I have never really respected the child and listened to his ideas. I thought that every time I discussed with him, he would be willing to do it. But I know that as long as he shows signs of unwillingness, I will use various theories. Let him listen to me. I think I am right. A child's naive mind will not have long-term considerations. My approach is to prevent him from taking detours. Therefore, I am democratic on the surface, but actually authoritarian. .
But I didn't realize this at the time. When the child became more and more mature, I felt very angry inside. I couldn't figure out why other mothers didn't pay so much and why their children didn't have so many problems. Therefore, I directed my anger at the child for being ignorant. I felt that the child was a white-eyed wolf, and I directed my anger at the child's father. I felt that he had no sense of family responsibility and was socializing outside all day long. He did not set a good example for his children. I directed my anger at the child's father. My parents, I think they gave me such a character. They took care of everything and interfered with me too much since I was a child. I always wanted to get rid of their control. I wanted to be free. I didn’t want to use my parents’ methods. Educate children, but my way of raising children is even worse than my mother. Just in response to those words, I ended up living the way I hate the most.
Gradually, my anger was replaced by my helplessness. I was helpless about the state of my child and had nothing to do. I suppressed my emotions. I couldn't see the future or hope. I couldn't sleep well every night. I went Nanjing Brain Hospital went to see me. After various tests, she said that I was in a moderate state of depression and prescribed some medicine. In fact, I was resisting it at the time. As a doctor, she did not have time to listen to me in detail about so many years of experience. Computer data Can comprehensive judgment and drug treatment really solve the problem from the root? I am a human being, not a machine. I have thoughts. I need to talk and vent. I need methods and I know all the theories. And I don’t want to take medicine at all. I don’t want to accept the side effects of medicine. I have all kinds of external demands and all kinds of judgments. !
Later, I entered a certain platform to study and found that there were many such children. The counselor told us what love and freedom are, that we must allow and accept children, and that we must believe that children are upward and good. Gradually, I don't seem to be so depressed anymore. I allow him to be in his current state. I believe that one day he will understand and change. I give him enough freedom and he can have his own life. And I worked hard to learn to love myself, went to the gym to exercise, bought an electronic keyboard , played occasionally, walked into nature, patted the flowers and plants, and felt the beauty of nature, and during this period I took an psychology exam Consultant certificate. I have to try my best to live in the present moment.
But this happy state did not last long. As soon as I got home and saw his decadent appearance, saw him addicted to games, and saw other children going to school normally, my inner unwillingness arose again. Why? Can't he be like others? Is this permission really right? Did he really get better naturally? Is this doting? I feel uneasy and have no confidence.
Later, in an organization group, I saw Xiaoping’s sharing about the changes in her children after taking this course, and I became curious again. Is this really the case? Xiaoping's sharing made me excited, but the cost of the course also made me hesitate for two days, but I am a person who loves to save face. I think I took the initiative to ask others. If I don't study or sign up, I'm afraid of being looked down upon by others. I'm afraid that others will laugh at me and talk about me behind my back. After thinking about it I decided to sign up. Now that I think about it, how much I care about other people's feelings and what others think of me, even if she is a stranger. But now, I am also grateful for my original choice. I am glad that I am naive and trust others easily. I am glad that I have to die to save face. I regret that I asked late, learned late, learned early, changed early, and became happy early.
I started studying on September 10, 2020. After the first tutor accompanied me one-on-one, I had a good sleep that night. After such a long time of insomnia, it was better to be with him once.
But it is difficult to change people’s inherent cognition at once. At first, I listened to the sharing in the group, talking about garbage energy and how to eliminate it. I didn’t believe it. I am a doctor. Don’t I know how to eliminate garbage? I take the essence and discard the dross. I will listen to what I think is right, and if I cannot accept it, I will go to a certain platform to seek approval.
Here, I would like to thank my recommender Xiaoping. When she saw that I was applying outside again, she complained to the teacher. During the National Day, the teacher supervised me in doing cases and forced me to work on my own projects. I felt My teacher's great love, acceptance, permission and tolerance for me are something I have never experienced from my mother. My mother is the principal of a middle school. From a young age, I have always felt that she was unsmiling and well-behaved, and she also had all kinds of anxieties and worries. , I have been escaping. On the one hand, I resisted their domination of everything for me, and on the other hand, I enjoyed their meticulous care for me. This pattern of my native family was deeply engraved in my subconscious and became who I am. Underlying various behaviors, I realized that the child was exactly the same as me, and all my problems were reflected in the child.
Since then, I have dealt with the topic steadily every day and reported every day. I found that after removing the garbage, my energy has really changed. I finally understood why it was the same sentence. Some people say it, and others accept it and follow it willingly, while some people say it, but others are full of resistance. Because the energy fields are different. Whether you say the same sentence with complaints and accusations, or with care and love, the effect is different. In the past, I was too willful and easy to get angry. Whenever I was unhappy, I would show it on my face, as if the whole world owed me something. When I was unhappy, I was like a hedgehog, pricking others everywhere. The pit of my stomach, and then I comfort myself, the knife is too soft, but who can stand this knife for a long time!
I slowly realized it. There is nothing wrong with the various theoretical knowledge I learned from books and other platforms in the past. The same method worked for other children but not for my family. That’s because I don’t have the space in my heart to accept it. This is why many people know many truths and still live by it. Not good in this life. Whenever I deal with a topic and release some garbage, I feel much more relaxed. The method of facing the problem comes naturally. I know when to allow the child and when to say no to the child gently but firmly. I feel the changes in my child day by day. Two months later, the child walked out of the house. At the beginning, we rode bicycles for 10 minutes, 30 minutes, and 1 hour every day... We had communication and no longer quarreled. Half a month before the winter vacation, the child I was willing to go to the institution to make up classes, and we successfully resumed school after the winter vacation. I have changed, and my world has really changed.
The world-renowned spiritual teacher Krishnamurti said this: I only teach you one thing, that is to observe yourself, explore yourself deeply, and then transcend. You are not going to understand Gram's teachings. , you are just learning about yourself. He pointed out to the world the essence of all great wisdom in the East and the West, which is to know oneself.
Through this year of study, I am grateful from the bottom of my heart for my child's rebellion. He allowed me to finally find the one and only way to change myself after so many years of confusion. I keep growing and changing, and my parents feel happy because of my changes. Mom no longer complains that I am like a stranger to them. When you encounter problems, be aware inwardly, pay attention to your feelings, deal with your emotions, thoughts and ideas, and truly fall in love with yourself.
Over the past year, I have witnessed the gains and growth of many people. Some people come because of family education, some people come for health, and some people come for wealth growth. Fan Deng once heard such a book when he was studying, "There is only one thing in life", this matter It is cultivation. I hope that everyone can cultivate themselves through the techniques of enlightenment, cultivate a sense of happiness, bloom vitality, and have a carefree life. It is really refreshing, and everyone deserves it!
is not a child. I can’t study. My stubbornness, self-righteousness, disdain, confrontation, and anger are too much. I grew up in care. I think I am also the representative of many modern college students. The family that everyone envied in the past, but I have been miserable in my willfulness and sincerity. As long as I start, it is never too late. This is an episode in the long river of life. It belongs to me and my children. I wish every family happiness!
