"I don't like children like this, and I don't like children who are too sensible."
In the recently launched , the parent-child intergenerational observation program "Open Happy Teenagers", which advocates equal communication between families, A mother cried to her son.
Picture source "The Boy Who Opened His Heart"
Why does she have such a request? Isn't the "sensible" child the favorite of parents? Follow Congcong and look down~
"Everything is my problem"
The mom mentioned above has 1.9 million fans on a certain tone.
But it is not the older brother in the show, but the younger sister who really hit the circle. I believe many people have used or seen her emoji.
Whether it is a fan or a dad, the focus is on the younger sister, and the older brother seems to have become the background board.
But the elder brother felt a huge psychological gap, not because the younger sister was very popular outside, but because the father was too partial to the younger sister.
At home, the younger sister hardly needs to do anything, but the older brother is directed to do all kinds of things. If you don't do it well, you will be criticized or even beaten by your father.
picture source see watermark
not only that,Dad is also very strict with his brother's grades. Because of the decline in grades, Dad tore up his previous certificate. When I took my sister out to play, I asked my brother to study hard at home.
Even with all kinds of unfair treatment, my brother never complained about his parents, but blamed all the problems on himself.
The source sees the watermark
Fortunately, my mother saw the grievances suffered by her brother, she said sincerely, Compared with sensible children, she hopes that her children will cry and make trouble. Will laugh loudly with her , look like a child.
Too sensible is a kind of disguised favor
We hope that children will be obedient and sensible and don’t bother themselves... But the truth is that only those who have experienced countless ignorance in the initial relationship of life, A person who has experienced deep and deep despair will become an exceptionally well-behaved and sensible person.
education scholar Yin Jianli said that when a child shows a sensible and well-behaved child that is not commensurate with his age, is essentially a child’s distortion of himself, a long-term disrespect and a long-term violation of his psychological boundary. Consequences of being trampled on for a long time .
In the most influential novel of Japanese novelist Dazai Osamu , the autobiographical novel "Disqualification in the World", the protagonist Yezura is a prematurely "sensible" child.
He spares no effort to please others. When he was a child, he dressed up as a clown just to make his classmates happy, and speculated that he would change the gifts he wanted just to cater to his father. As an adult, he still can't change his habit of flattering.
He said: "Since I was a child, I have been trying to please people around me. That is my last courtship for mankind."
However, Young Yeh hides in depression and pain, but still embarks on it. The road to death.
Too sensible, is a double-edged sword
The child’s premature "too sensible" seems to be able to get praise from the secular value system in advance, and the parents also have a lot of face, but they do not It is easy to dampen children's motivation to pursue themselves and explore the world.
In other words, children’s most valuable imagination, creativity, and self-awareness continue to be damaged in the "too sensible" until they become "boring" adults.
Not only that, but the psychologist Piaget believes: The more sensible and obedient children are when they are young, the more psychological problems they grow up. Because they meet the wishes of others and obtain the affirmation of others as their leading role in life, they lose their voice of self-expression, ignore their own real needs, and are very depressed in their hearts.
grows up,They still don't reject others and are used to please others. Whether in work or study or in love and marriage, he always gives humble and constant internal friction.
As parents, we can do this
Except for a very small number of children who are born and mature, most of the children are naughty and mischievous by nature. If you want, you need it.
As the child's most trusted and dependent parent, how to protect the child's nature?
- The child talks back? It doesn't matter
Parents will always treat their children back as a sign of rebellion and disobedience. In fact, talking back is the germination and awakening of a child's self-awareness. Psychological studies have found that children will have three rebellious periods in their growth:
The first rebellious period is 2-4 years old. They will shake their heads, "no", "no" and other words to express their initial formation. Subjective consciousness;
The second rebellious period is 7-9 years old, they begin to have independent consciousness, are dissatisfied with the various rules of the outside world, sometimes even unreasonable;
The third rebellious period is 12 At the age of -17, they are in adolescence, and their pursuit of individual independence and freedom is even greater, and they hate being restrained.
The child talks back. It is not necessarily that he is "disobedient", "uncultivated", "intentionally being right", but they are willing to communicate and are using language to communicate with their parents, searching for themselves, building personality, and establishing values Performance.
face the child’s back talk,Never use violence or even force to force children to compromise and obey.
- Don’t praise your children for being "sensible"
Only those children who are seriously seen and respected will learn to respect themselves and others.
As a parent, don’t send the message "Because you are sensible, so I like you" to your child. Instead, you should see his uneasiness through your child’s obedience and behave, and encourage him to express his feelings without being depressed. Own emotions.
- At the level of thinking, encourage children to be "disobedient"
the father of children's programming, MIT Media Lab Nick Studying Professor Mitchell·Span Nick The book “Lifelong Kindergarten” points out that in the future two-thirds of people will be engaged in jobs that have not yet occurred. To flourish in such a rapidly changing world, the ability to think and act creatively has become more important than ever. We will need more and more "X-shaped" creative thinking people .
Under the modern education system, most of the students trained in the modern education system are obedient and sensible "A-type students" who get A in all exams, but lack a creative and innovative spirit.
as everyone,We should encourage children to "disobey" at the level of thinking, in order to better protect children's imagination and stimulate creativity.
Tuyuan Yingli creates a paradise, children create AI works by hand
Whether it is a "good boy" or a "bear boy", education is to cultivate children's independent and healthy personality and creative thinking The focus of the child. As a parent, respect and understand the child's thoughts and behaviors, and allow him to be himself, so that he can deal with various tests independently after he enters the society, and his life is more of a life of ease.
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