Silently talked with my wife in the heaven
◎Zhang Fengying
Autumn is getting thicker, and the autumn wind and rain are getting tighter. When I stood alone in Yingshan Cemetery in the drizzle of autumn rain, my heart kept talking to him:
Dear, are you okay?
Time flies, and in the blink of an eye, it has been the fourth anniversary of your departure. The Clivia you planted is still growing. A few days ago, I changed the pot and fertilized them. That's because the original pot was too small. They have grown from one flower to two flowers. The Shanghai Composite Index curve chart you have drawn by yourself is still there, but this year's market has not stepped out of the curve you predicted due to the impact of the new coronavirus. The Longjing tea you like to drink is still there, but the leaves have lost their color and fragrance from that year. The commemorative coins you collected and the ancient coins are still there, they are quietly waiting for your return.
But you will never come back... It has been 1460 days since you left us. Every day and night is full of my son’s thoughts for you! Every night, you will enter my dreamland. In our dreamland, we are still like in the past forty years. You help me choose vegetables, prepare tableware, we eat together, drink together, and talk together. Our dining table is often a place for family meetings, and we discuss big and small things at home together. From which kindergarten my son goes to, to asking someone to transfer to school; from parent meetings when my child goes to junior high school to decisions on the junior high school entrance examination, and our family meetings are held here. In my dream, you are still so young and elegant, I am still so young and beautiful, and my son is still as cute as a child...
But when I woke up from my sleep, I could no longer see you. Your high-pitched singing in my dreamland still echoed in my ears: "The Party teaches you to be a strong man..." It is your singing that attracts me into your life and has lived with you for nearly forty years.
In my dream, sometimes I will perform a duet of male and female voices with you, and the familiar excerpts are still sing: "The Party teaches children to be a strong and hard-working man, unyielding in fighting the enemy, and the son is not afraid of his whole body being tortured, and the son is not afraid of being broken in his body, and the son is not afraid of sitting in the bottom of his prison. The broken hearts of the mountains and rivers are broken, and the anger of the people is burning..." You did not sing this passage of Li Yuhe, but you remember every lyrics clearly. Yes, of course I remember.
I still remember that you came back that night when you joined the party and was very excited. You drank a glass of wine and sang a Peking Opera . It was also this classic sing of Li Yuhe. That day, you really became the son of the party. I remember you finished singing and said, "Today I took the oath under the Party flag and fully understood Li Yuhe's mind." This sentence reminds me of when we were studying together at , Xiamen University, , many years ago, you lived in the boys' dormitory. I went to the library and passed by your window and heard you singing loudly. The sound was loud and energetic, which moved me all of a sudden.
You not only sing like this, but also do it. In order to uphold justice, you are always indomitable. Do you remember? In 1975, we were engaged in social education in Zhangpu County, Fujian Province. In order to adhere to the principles, you argued with the cadres of the production team for several days. In the end, they slandered them as disrespectful to the leadership, and they also reported to the school that "the evil people complained first". Some leaders of the school did not conduct investigations and research, but only listened to their one-sided words, and criticized you. Many people stood up for you, and you just smiled and said, "I'll sing a song for you." That time you sang your favorite Peking Opera excerpt - the Party teaches you to be a strong iron man. I understand your heart, you are motivating yourself to withstand setbacks.
Do you still remember it? In , Funiushan deep belly, our company always suffers losses due to the big horse pulling small cars, and the national finance provides subsidies every year. In order to change this situation and change the situation where the factory has suffered losses for years, you firmly accepted the task of "going to all parts of the country to run orders". On the night before leaving, I was a little reluctant to leave, and drank with you and saw you off.You sang the Peking Opera excerpt loudly: "The Party teaches you to be a strong iron man..." At that time, you had not joined the party organization in terms of organization, but you said that this did not affect you from moving closer to the party organization in terms of thinking. I just like your stubborn temper. The path I identify will keep moving forward, and even the ten old cows can't pull them back.
After three months of day and night, you signed a 45 million-meter civil film order contract for our factory. That year, the factory worked hard to catch up with the task and turned losses into profits, but you actually lost 10 kilograms! When I saw you, who was dark and thin, walk down from the bus entering the mountain, I felt so distressed!
You received the highest bonus in the entire factory. The Party Secretary personally awarded you a certificate. At that moment, I am so proud and honored for you! In June 1985, we took advantage of the east wind of reform and opening up and returned to your hometown, Yantai City , one of the fourteen coastal open cities. I settled my home at No. 96 Ninghai Road, Zhifu District. At the same time, we both obtained jobs as teachers and realized the dream of being a people's teacher. That is your childhood dream and our common wish.
Remember Before going to work on the first day, we got up early and visited Yantai Mountain, my hometown’s father mountain, and visited the blue sea. You stood by the sea, facing the turbulent sea surface, and sang another paragraph: "The Party teaches children to be a strong iron man." I asked you: "Why do you always like to sing a paragraph? "
You said: "Because I feel that I am the son of the Party and the motherland, and I should always obey the call of the motherland and the party. I responded to the call of the Party and went to the Inner Mongolia Production and Construction Corps, and took off the blanks, built houses, mowed grass, farmed the land, picked up cow dung, and rushed to do all kinds of dirty and tiring work, from soldiers, squad leaders, platoon leaders, and all the way to chief . Later, I responded to the call of the Party and took the college entrance examination and was I was admitted to Xiamen University and studied there for three years. These three years are the happiest three years. Not only can I study carefreely, learn new knowledge and new skills, but I also found you in the crowd. This is the greatest success in my life. "
After hearing your confession, I am determined to be a virtuous and good wife. I will never let you regret it because I found me, and I will not let you be humble in front of anyone. I want to be the best daughter-in-law in the world.
, by the way, my dear, I found a notebook in the box yesterday and found the poem you wrote:
When I was a child,
You are the embrace of my mother,
I look forward to growing up,
I want to break free from your ties!
In the years of youth,
You are a distant longing,
I lie in the snow north,
I dreamed back to your bay in millions of times!
In the age of forty,
You are the call of your mother
I traveled all over the country,
climbed your Yantai Mountain again!
, hometown,
My dream, my sea, my mountains!
, Zhifu ,
My concern, my thoughts, my paradise!
Dear, you see the rain stop, the sun quietly reveals half of your face from behind the clouds, and my mood is much better. Look at the flowers I gave you are covered with raindrops, look, I poured you a glass of wine, and there is also a plate of chicken legs, a plate of yellow croaker , and a piece of hand-grabbing cake . These are all your favorite foods, but today they are soaked in the rain, and you can't eat them. Let's say caring words. My son and daughter-in-law have started working, and my two grandsons have started school. The grandsons often look for grandpa. They are still young and cannot understand where grandpa is going. They miss you very much. I don’t know why grandpa doesn’t come to play hide-and-seek with them, and I don’t know why grandpa’s room is always empty. I told them that grandpa has traveled a long distance away. When you grow up and get admitted to university, grandpa will bless you in heaven.The baby went to Beijing to participate in the Youth Group Computer Programming Competition last semester. Their team won the first prize, with a prize of 2,000 yuan. He said he wanted to buy a brush for his grandfather because he saw that his brush was bald and the ink was dry. I didn't know how to tell him that his grandfather didn't need these brushes and ink anymore. I was afraid that he would cry. Beibei is also in the second grade. His English and painting are the best in the class. A famous painter said that this child has artistic talent and deserves our training. Beibei has preserved all his paintings. He said that when his grandfather comes back, he will show it to his grandfather. He is hoping to get his grandfather’s praise. But how could the naive grandchildren know that you will never come back, grandpa. Thinking of this, my tears couldn't stop flowing. The grandson said, "Grandma, why are you crying?" I replied, I was happy. If Grandpa knew that you were all so well-behaved, he would be moved to tears!
Dear, let me tell you good news. My daughter-in-law was promoted to associate professor. She was working and taking care of her children. She tutored her children homework every day after get off work. It was too difficult. I was very surprised to be promoted to associate professor. Thank God for giving our family a good wife with both virtue and talent. As the saying goes, "Marry a good wife and be happy for three generations," our family won the prize! God has arranged such good luck for our family! His son performed well. He was working hard to support his family and raised two children. He was under great pressure. The food, clothing, and education costs were relatively high. In addition to being a teacher, his son also worked part-time jobs to help companies consult. In fact, he was not mainly concerned with money. The child did not want to give up the opportunity to practice. He wanted to be a good teacher who linked theory to practice. In addition, he is also learning the analysis and decision-making of financial products to prepare for the future of children. These two post-80s generations are pursuing perfection in life and work. I think our descendants will be much better than us. Rest assured about this!
Dear, I have taught two grandsons your favorite Peking Opera song. I hope they can also use their own behavior to be a good son and grandson of the party and the country, and be the successors of communism in the future, and join the Youth League as soon as possible. After you leave, I often have the melody of that Peking Opera excerpt in my mind. This lyrics have always encouraged me. Although I am a female, I must also work hard to be a strong man. I will also inherit your unfinished career and educate your children and grandchildren into talents that are useful to the country. I have grown into a writer in three years. I have not sunk because of your no-words. I am growing up with my children and grandchildren. Recently, I signed up for the Children's Psychology training camp. I want to become a psychology expert, which will make sense for educating children and writing novels and essays.
Dear, look at a rainbow on the top of the mountain there. According to folk sayings, this is a symbol of your coming to the next cycle of reincarnation. I hope you will be born in a well-off family or a family with a scholarly family in the next life. In this way, your childhood will not be enduring and tiring! Will receive a good enlightenment education. In this life, we have caught up with difficult times and fertility climax. We do not have good learning conditions in our childhood, which is your lifelong regret. I hope you will have no regrets in the next life. Dear, you should ask the Creator in advance if he was born in Beijing, Shanghai and Guangzhou, where the educational resources there are inherent advantages. After figuring it out, you will be reincarnated. Now it is the third child policy. You don’t have to help your parents do housework that are beyond your ability since childhood, and you won’t be lonely and bored because of loneliness. Dear, you should drink less Mengpo soup, don’t forget my vow with you, and be a husband and wife in the next life. I hope I can find you in the vast sea of people in my next life.
Author Profile
Zhang Fengying (online name Taihang Feijian), graduated from Xiamen University, associate professor, from Cangshan Village, Fuping, Hebei Province, currently a member of Shandong Writers Association, a member of Shandong Prose Society, and a signed writer of Jiangshan Literature Website. He has published novels on websites such as China Writers Network and Qidian Chinese Network , and published books such as "Moon Bay Novels and Essays", "Quiet Night Thoughts", "Zhang Fengying Essays Collection", and "Flying Snow Welcoming the Spring".The short works are mainly published in "Runflower", "Grassland", " Lotus Dian ", "Wutai Mountain", "Henan Literature", "Ginseng Flower", "Japan Flower", "Hangdian Education ", "Jiaodong Literature", "Thousand Plateau", "Ancient and Ancient Legends", "Qujiang Literature", "Qilu Evening News", " Yanzhao Metropolis Daily", "Contemporary Literature Overseas Edition", Baoding Radio and Television Network, etc.
Editor: Liu Xueguang
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