Everyone has to go through their own adolescence, but as parents, we seem to have forgotten the sorrow and happiness at that time.
Adolescence breeds our dreams, understands the reality we see, looks forward to a beautiful future, and tormenting the helpless present.
When we meet adolescent children, we subconsciously will copy the way our parents treat us to our children. The final conclusion is that it is difficult for adolescent children to communicate, manage, are too rebellious, and are too willful...
Do you have such adolescent children in your family?
Do you think there is a barrier to communication with your child?
In fact, it is easy for adolescent children to communicate and manage, but you don’t know how to do it and what the logic behind it is.
Looking through traditional Chinese literature and Chinese studies hardly mentioned the concept of adolescence. Did the children of the past have not had one or did the ancestors forget to write it?
In fact, this problem of adolescence is really a problem that has only existed in modern times. In other words, the definition of the term puberty is the product of the industrial revolution . It is a unique phenomenon nowadays with highly developed information. It is normal for many parents not to know how to deal with it.
And at the beginning of reform and opening up , the domestic material foundation was still very weak and the daily necessities were not very rich. Everyone focused on how to survive , so the phenomenon of adolescence also exists but is not prominent. However, as the quality of life becomes better and better, the pursuit of spirituality will gradually become higher and higher, which is why the problems in adolescence are becoming increasingly prominent. and even the country has issued " Family Education Law ".
The logic behind adolescence is one essence, two major characteristics and seven major manifestations.
One essence: Every child’s self-awareness begins to develop for the second time between 12~16 years old. There are three times in a person's life, the first is 3~6 years old, the second is the adolescence stage, and the third is around 40 (also known as the return of self).
At this stage, the child gradually believes in his heart that he has consciousness independent. no longer thinks that what parents say is right, and even exceeds their knowledge reserves in some aspects. It is actually a good phenomenon to think that parents are not as good as themselves.
Even if you think what your parents said may be correct , you should first try whether your method can work.
At this stage, children prefer to discuss topics that they are interested in, rather than extending them based on their parents’ topics.
The reality is that parents are in good intentions and are unwilling to let their children take detours, waste time, or think that their children's topics are childish and unwilling to communicate according to their children's wishes. The child is naturally unwilling and stubborn, which causes conflicts between parents and children. ( The generation gap problem that everyone talks about should actually be the perspective of looking at things )
At the same time, the child also needs parents to support him, and he is unable to leave his parents.
So is constantly tug-of-war between independence and separation, knowing that he has cut himself into pieces and bruises .
Children with weak vitality will be depressed under this torture and become good babies in the eyes of their parents; children with strong vitality will not be willing to be oppressed, so they will fight back and become rebels in the eyes of their parents.
At this stage, children's self-awareness is greater than other consciousnesses, and considers themselves to be unique . Just like the " geocentric " in Ptolemy , I am the only in the world. If you can't see me, it means you need to go to the ophthalmology department. At this time, the child will use every means to let the world see him.
He will first let his parents see him, classmates see him, and friends see him.If you can't see me, then I'm sorry, I'll let you see me in non-mainstream ways, such as smoking, drinking, fighting, picking up girls and fighting against teachers and parents. Because only at this time your focus will be on me. My words and deeds require someone to pay attention, follow, and praise...
Seven major manifestations of children at this stage: ...
There are only three types of children in adolescence not reverse .
The first type is, lacks security, parents are too strong, children dare not, cannot, and cannot rebel against . When he becomes an adult, he will vent this emotion to the other party, and there is a certain chance that he will develop resistance.
The second type, children with incomplete puberty transition does not rebelliously. When you become an adult, you will make big mistakes without making small mistakes.
The third type is that parents will resolve, guide, and show weakness. Children will not rebelliously. This is also the best condition.
space questions, the child's seven major performances will continue to talk about next time. Hope you can follow me.
If you have any questions, please leave a message below the article. I will try my best to answer.
