Poets compare love to the moon, which is beautiful and holy; psychologists compare love to a building. If it is not maintained, it will decay over time. However, in real life, whether they are young boys and girls who have just begun to fall in love, or mature men and women, they all long for love at some point.
However, when people compare love to beautiful things with firewood, rice, oil, salt, sauce, vinegar and tea, the beautiful filter of love will be shattered. In fact, the beautiful sustenance that humans have for love always contains biological principles. Interdependence theory utilitarianizes romantic intimate relationships . When describing the subtle changes in intimate relationships, this theory even compares happy and stable intimate relationships to a good job which is highly profitable.
American psychologist Sternberg divides love into three components, namely intimacy, passion, and commitment . Among them, intimacy means that two people like each other and feel comfortable together ; passion means that the two parties are infatuated with each other and the emotional aspect , while commitment is more about the rational cognition in love. Both parties hope to live with each other forever . Without any one of these three ingredients, love will not be complete. In some cases, the romantic relationships we form are more reflections of our attachment relationships in early childhood. Those individuals who have not formed a good attachment relationship will be more likely to have insecure feelings in their intimate relationships. Therefore, they will have more commitment components in love.
The emergence of love also depends on the right time, place and people . Canadian psychologist Dutton did a famous love experiment, the suspension bridge experiment. On a very dangerous suspension bridge, it is easier to have a love experience with accelerated heartbeat . However, psychologists believe that people just mistake the fearful and trembling experience on the suspension bridge as the pounding produced by love. This kind of scene is not only on the suspension bridge , but also the roller coaster in the amusement park, horror movie and falling from high altitude . This is why in TV dramas, the love between lovers who have experienced war will be more indestructible, and the heroine who is in danger will fall in love with the hero who saved her.
Human beings will quickly fall into idealized love in the first three months, First, fantasy promotes romance . As mentioned before, love is blind to a certain extent. Passionate lovers tend to idealize their partners, minimizing or ignoring the unfavorable information that stops them in their tracks. Imaginations, hopes, and whimsical fantasies can make people who are very different from us seem attractive, at least temporarily. When lovers produce dopamine , they can experience feelings of joy, so they will spare no effort to activate these rare cells. In fact, under certain circumstances, activating the "feel-good" dopamine is an irresistible temptation. The dopamine secreted by lovers because of love often disappears when the novelty disappears, and the passion also gradually disappears. This is why some people always say that when the color of love disappears between two people, the relationship between lovers is often one of intimacy and commitment that lasts a lifetime .
References:
Miller "Intimate Relationship"
Chi Yukai "Twenty Lectures on Confusion in Life"
Well, that’s it for today. If you want to know more about psychology, you can try to read more relevant information, or you can try to take a basic training course for psychological counselors to learn some systematic psychological knowledge.
Sanjunyuan, insight into you, me and him! Learn a little bit about psychology every day to help you understand yourself better!
