A child came to visit because he did not go to school. The 10-year-old child has been "educated" by his parents several times. He was worried about whether there was any psychological problem. So he came to Wenzhou Haizhilian Psychological Counseling Center under multiple influences to find out what is the reason behind the problem of being afraid of going to school?
When the counselor conducted a period of interviews with the parents, he learned about the child’s childhood growth experience. Starting from the mother’s pregnancy, whether there have been some events in life that have led to certain situations in the child. From birth to childhood growth, it is a matter of whether there have been some growth experiences that children care about.
And this child has been in a very free, very pampered and very happy state of life since his mother got pregnant to this day. So, the mother was also puzzled and the parents were also very confused. Why did the child suddenly feel fearless and unwilling to go to school for many consecutive times starting from the second grade for no reason?
When looking for the individual memory of the child's growth, the consultant found that the child's personal experience since childhood was also very normal. Basically, from a rough life mentality and form, it is not experienced by some personal trauma, nor does it have any life stress events.
listen to the child's mother telling that in recent years, the child will have hysterical emotional reactions, that is, he will have "violent" behaviors with his parents and express his emotions in anger. Afterwards, the child does not know why he is like this, and he can't even remember that he has had an excessive emotional reaction just now. The phenomenon of expressing forgetting often occurs, which makes parents very worried.
But I was afraid of being sent to the hospital for treatment, because I was afraid that the child would have no problems and the psychological burden was too heavy when I went to the hospital, so I was harmed. This mother also often learns when she sees it. She also often takes online and offline psychology courses, so she understands some ideas.
At this moment, clues of the real problem have not been revealed, and the consultant will shift the direction of finding the problem from the individual incidents of the child to the direction of the family dynamic system of the mother and parents. Grandpa accompanied them to the consultation room. When the child was not present, Grandpa said that the child's grandma had depression and , but there was no clear information.
Slowly, in the interaction with the counselor, the mother was explored about the problem of her early growth experience, but a very huge traumatic problem. The child's grandfather ended his life when his mother was young, that is, the grandfather gave up his life in his early years. This matter belongs to the hidden and closed information in the family, which is a topic that is not very public in a family.
But will the child be affected by this incident? A very important message has emerged, that is, does a child commit suicide cause some trauma and impact on his life in the native family dynamics? Does this intergenerational involvement really happen to the lives of children from generation to generation?
often times we have to agree with these thinking patterns that transcend general conventional cognition. Why did the life scripts of previous generations involve our next generation!
So, we can find some clues of the system from family dynamics and find some life-related incidents. Why do children not want to go to school, and even have a very strong emotional reaction? Is it related to this family trauma?
Is the child’s emotions unique to their young lives, or are they derived from the inheritance of some family members?
thus began a conversation between the client and the counselor, starting from life cognition, behavioral patterns, cultural dynamics, growth patterns, etc. Perhaps this child will be sublimated by the light because of this healing. The real healing not only starts from the child's life, but also starts with healing and exploration from the mother's "injured mark".
text | Huang Qiuyang
——Wenzhou Haizhilian Psychological Counseling Center
