Guilt is an emotion with strong negative feelings. If it cannot be controlled, it will lead to some unhealthy behavior.
You have experienced guilt during the epidemic, don’t worry too much. It’s not just you who are in this situation. Recognizing that how to deal with this guilt in a healthy way is very important to your health.
Things you may feel guilty
During the epidemic, some people feel guilty because they did well. There are also people who feel guilty about not doing as much as others think they are guilty about almost everything.
Your life is better in quarantine
For some people, being quarantined or working from home improves their quality of life. They would have some such guilty thoughts:
- I feel guilty because my life actually got better during quarantine.
- I feel guilty because I can work from home and other people lose their jobs.
- I feel guilty because I am making more money now than before.
- I feel guilty because I am happy now and others are suffering.
Your children and family are affected
Many people feel lonely because they cannot meet friends and family members. People with children may feel guilty because they affect the children's emotions. This kind of thought will arise:
- I made my kids feel bad when looking at electronic products, but there is no other way.
- I feel guilty that I am not playing with my kids.
- I feel bad, I can't visit my parents, nor can my parents see my children.
- I am full of guilt because my child looks miserable.
You can't help others
Due to isolation and control, it has become more difficult to help people in need during the epidemic. You earn less, so you may not be able to support the people you care about. Because of this, it is easy to be affected by guilt:
- I feel bad because I'm not doing more to help others.
- I feel guilty, my income has decreased, and my family has not had that much money anymore.
- I feel sad because I can no longer take care of my elderly parents and put them in danger.
Do you abide by social distancing rules
You may not comply with control requirements at the beginning of the epidemic and feel guilty for not doing so. And I feel guilty for missing important events for always following all the rules.
- At first I didn’t wear a mask in public and I felt very guilty.
- I feel guilty about attending a party during the epidemic.
Of course, there are so many people who have these exact ideas now, and you are not the only one.
Why you may feel more guilty now
For many people, there are many things that make you feel sad - whether you do it well or not.
People in society are suffering
When you read the news, you will find that people are experiencing physical illnesses, mental health problems and financial difficulties, and many others are grieving about the loss of loved ones.
If you are not suffering like others, you may feel guilty for doing well yourself – similar to the feeling that survivors may feel guilty when others die.
If you do better now than usual, no matter your financial situation improves or remote working becomes better, you may feel sad because you do better and others suffer more pain.
Others may humiliate you
If you share any good news (such as promotion or birthday celebration), others may quickly remind you not to talk about it during the pandemic. Some people question how you can be happy at such a moment, and you may be ashamed of your good luck – or even a happy mood. These reactions may make you feel guilty about your luckier situation.
Can't live a normal life
. Can't visit friends and family normally
If you think most of your life should spend time with your loved one, then you may of course feel guilty when you don't.
Even if you may know that not visiting them is the safest and most friendly thing you can do now, you may still feel sad that your behavior must conflict with your habits.
. Your child’s free time is reduced by
Before the epidemic, your child will not have much time to watch digital devices (mobile phones, tablets, etc.). You have invested a lot of time and effort to make sure your kids don’t stare at their digital devices, but it has changed during the pandemic. Because he was unable to attend school and had to take online classes, he was forced to use electronic products.
Cope with guilt in a healthy way
You may not be able to control the fact that you feel guilty, but you can control how you adjust it.
. Acknowledge and accept guilt
Guilt is a normal and healthy emotion. When you hurt someone or make mistakes, you have a conscience, but sometimes you may feel unnecessary guilt. Don't waste your energy against your guilt or thinking, ignoring it or even trying to suppress it will not work.
instead, be careful about how you feel and acknowledge them. Acknowledging your emotions can also release your brain power. Rather than wasting your energy trying not to feel guilty, you might as well recognize your emotions and try to move forward.
. If you hurt someone, please apologize
Not all guilt is unnecessary, sometimes your guilt may remind you that you have hurt someone.
Whether you are yelling at your partner because of excessive stress or telling your mom that she overreacts to the latest headlines, your guilt may remind you that you should apologize. If you are wrong, admit your mistake to the other party. Say you are sorry, don't make any excuses for your actions and take full responsibility. Rather than saying "I'm sorry, your relationship has been hurt", it's better to say "I'm sorry, I said something bad."
You may feel guilty even if you did nothing wrong. You may feel bad for your kids not going out often, or you may feel guilty for not being able to host a grand birthday party for your kids—even if these things aren’t your fault. If you haven't hurt anyone, an apology is not necessary.
If you feel bad, but this is not your fault, please respond with empathy. Acknowledge the difficulties the other party is experiencing, but do not give unnecessary apology.
3. Record your behavior
When you experience guilt and feel uncomfortable, you may try every means to make yourself feel better, but sometimes what you are not doing is right. For example, if you feel guilty about your kids being bored and lonely, you might want to give them cookies and ice cream to cheer them up.
Although letting them enjoy some extra snacks will not be hurt, keeping them eating junk food all the time may affect their sense of happiness. Ultimately, you may feel more guilty about not giving them healthier foods. Of course, it is important to relax yourself a little bit now.You may need to let your kids play with electronics longer than usual so you can get the job done. Or, you might be feeding the snacks you give your kids aren’t as healthy as you normally would, because you won’t go to the grocery store to buy fresh fruits and vegetables often. Those things are OK. Just make sure you make these choices not to relieve your guilt.
. Practice self-sympathy
Your self-talk will have a huge impact on your feelings, and blaming yourself will aggravate your guilt. There is no right or wrong answer to how to handle things during the pandemic. All you can do is use the information you have to make the best decisions.
It is important to show some compassion, abandon severe self-criticism, and learn to be kind to yourself.
Research shows that self-compassion is the key to doing better in the future, and practicing self-compassion can also reduce your psychological distress. A great way to practice self-compassion is to ask yourself, “What would I say to friends who have this feeling or have this kind of problem?” You might say something supportive like, “You are doing your best. We are all making mistakes.” When they are irrational, you can also call them out by saying “You did nothing wrong” or something like that. Try to respond to yourself with the same kindness and compassion, and it can help alleviate some of the unnecessary guilt you feel.
. Take good care of yourself
If you ignore (or even abuse) yourself, it is impossible to feel good about yourself and how to deal with this situation. Pay attention to your diet, sleep and activity levels. If you want to maintain a good mood, be sure to take good care of your body.
Also, look at what you are doing to help yourself play your best. You may not be able to visit with friends or take classes you like. But it is important to find alternative strategies that can help you feel the best.
5. Pay attention to the behavior of the people around you
When you are with other people, pay attention to other emotions you are experiencing. If someone tries to force you on a guilt journey, set boundaries and refuse to do what you don’t want to do.
Summary
Many people are experiencing unnecessary guilt now, but you are not alone. Talk to friends and family you know can help. If you still feel guilty despite your efforts, or it interferes with your ability to work, consider seeking professional help. Guilt can be a symptom of depression, Post-traumatic stress disorder , or other mental health problems.
Psychological counseling can help you feel better. If necessary, please seek help from psychologists and experts. Mental health experts can help you solve the thoughts, feelings and behaviors behind guilt, so that you can start to feel better.
