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Inferiority and weakness often appear in individuals who are not in a normal mental state. When a person is in a mental state where it is easier for him to feel inferior, he will You will naturally appear weak in daily interactions, and sometimes it is not only easy to appear "timid" in front of strangers.
Even in front of close people, he will show some lack of confidence.
In addition to being weak and lacking in confidence, there are also people who take this personality trait to the extreme, resulting in the so-called "Ingratiating personality".
That is to say, in the process of interacting with others, the other person's emotions or feelings are the ultimate goal. As a result, in many cases, once you feel that others have any emotional fluctuations or abnormal behavior, you will Suspicion is caused by inappropriate words and deeds.
Although this situation is not uncommon, it is not a normal phenomenon. There is no doubt that individuals should be independent and equal to others in the process of communication, but many people find it difficult to truly achieve this.
So whether you are looking at yourself or trying to figure out others, when you find that such a phenomenon exists, you might as well make some intentional intervention to change the negative impact of these abnormal phenomena.
Some people may ask: How to confirm whether others are really weak and have low self-esteem? You can't just ask directly.
In fact, this kind of people have relatively obvious characteristics. They often have two characteristics, and the more inferior they are, the more obvious their characteristics are.
1. Often ignore one's own mood and feelings
Just like the " people-pleasing personality" mentioned above, those who have low self-esteem and weak emotions often have one characteristic, they are not good at expressing themselves when interacting with others. They are always afraid that their needs will cause resentment to others, so that the relationship between them can no longer continue well.
A common manifestation is that when this kind of people live in a group, once the topic involves individual needs, they will usually say: "I can do anything, I can do whatever I want, I don't care." It seems that he doesn't care much.
In fact, in many cases, they don’t really care about . In most cases, they even have some needs. It’s just because they don’t want others to notice themselves and are afraid of causing others’ resentment, so they often behave more Silence.
At the behavioral level, when such people interact with others, even if they encounter conflicts or unpleasantness, they will not express their negative emotions easily, even if they seem a little unhappy. Most of the time They are all tolerant in a silent way.
The values of people like this are "doing more is worse than doing less" and "taking a step back will open up the world". They firmly believe that as long as they don't do anything excessive, the outside world has no reason to have any negative evaluation of themselves.
However, the excessively high moral standards of these people are precisely the reason why they often cannot feel the warmth in social life.
Essentially, there is an inseparable relationship between their character weakness and their inferiority complex. They ignore their own existence too much and blindly tolerate all kinds of things, which leads to their weakness and inferiority complex. The character becomes more serious.
They may think that as long as they behave in a concealed manner, they will not attract the attention of others; at the same time, they will think that they are just weak and inferior and will not affect others, so they often do not go there. Don't care about these things anymore.
Although "tolerance" is a quality that is emphasized in traditional culture and is very consistent with our low-key and reserved culture, individual needs and emotions should be expressed in a timely manner. If you blindly tolerate and ignore your own feelings, you may even It may lead to deterioration of physical condition, especially negative changes in emotion.
When you excessively ignore your feelings in various things and don't like to express your thoughts, then it is no longer a good thing.
2. Reflection and even self-blame are the main content of life
In the process of our social interactions, unhappiness, contradictions, and even conflicts are inevitable. In many cases, conflicts can even be used as a mechanism to soothe social relationships. exist.
Just as the famous sociologist Ziorg Simmel concluded about the "safety valve" mechanism: in social life, long-term interactions will lead to the emergence of some negative emotions. Over time, when these negative emotions accumulate to To a certain extent, both parties can only release the negative emotions in their hearts through the existence of some conflicting behaviors.
So when an individual encounters some unpleasantness, it is actually very normal. No one can always maintain contact with others smoothly.
However, what is important is how individuals deal with their own emotions and subsequent interactions with others when they encounter unpleasant or even brief conflicts.
For those who are more self-centered, they are less likely to consider the feelings of others in social conflicts. Once they are ignored by others, or they think that others are at fault, they will maintain a posture. , if the other party does not admit the mistake, it will never restore the original state.
In comparison, those who have low self-esteem are completely different. No matter what scale of conflict or unpleasantness they encounter, or even a small friction, they will immediately reflect on it and even blame themselves.
Such a living state is very tiring, because the most important principle of social interaction is equality. Whether it is the most basic communication or a deeper spiritual interaction, equality between both parties is the most basic.
Whether it is the establishment and maintenance of a good relationship, or when the relationship is affected, getting along with each other and repairing the relationship, both parties must maintain equality.
If an individual preemptively assumes responsibility for himself before communicating, it will undoubtedly undermine the responsibilities of different subjects and the relationship between the two parties will be unbalanced.
The real way to solve the problem should be to openly and honestly tell each other the key points of conflict in the relationship, the unreasonable points in each other's behavior, and the future development trend of the relationship, instead of holding it back. In my heart, I silently blamed myself.
This will only make the problem more serious, and the relationship between the two parties will not be able to go further.
In short, whether it is yourself or others, if you have low self-esteem and weakness in social life, it is best to pay attention to these two points.
- The End -
author | Tommyda
editor | Wanan
first psychological writing team | A group of young people who like to look up at the stars
Reference: Jean Piaget Biographie. (2020, January 29).
WeChat public account: First Psychology
