People who lose control of their emotions when encountering problems usually feel regretful afterwards, but still cannot change. They repeat it over and over again, observe carefully or reflect on it. The typical characteristics are being anxious to get angry and eager to express their opinions.
Of course, there are many explanations for the reasons, such as inferiority complex , false sense of superiority, shirking responsibility, fear of taking responsibility, lack of ability, psychological imbalance in horizontal comparison, eager to express that one is correct, not being able to suffer losses, wanting to save face, etc.
give a few life examples.
A friend participated in an event and there were some minor flaws in the morning. His colleagues felt a little bit responsible. At the same time, they thought they were responsible for more things than others, and they felt psychologically unbalanced. The person in charge of the afternoon activity emphasized that we should be serious and responsible. My friend suddenly got angry and thought that he was making a big deal out of trivial matters against his colleagues. At the same time, he was also venting his dissatisfaction. There were many inappropriate words and he regretted it afterwards.
This is due to shirking responsibility and psychological imbalance. The water thrown out by what you say is difficult to recover.
For another example, when participating in a consultation meeting on a certain matter, each of them has different views and is dissatisfied with each other. They all express their own opinions. The words spoken by others are also inappropriate and may be suspected of being a personal attack. However, it is obviously a slip of the tongue and has no direct direction. As a result, I lose my temper. Turn communication into arguments, turn communication into quarrels.
This is the lack of problem-solving ability, insisting that you are right, and the results are terrible.
There are many reasons for losing emotional control. It doesn’t make much sense for us to analyze the reasons, unless we want to write something to appear more understanding, because emotional problems are psychological problems, and psychological problems are not physical problems and cannot be solved by the causal logic of the physical world.
We are obsessed with finding the cause of problems. Our inner thinking follows the causal logic of the physical world. For example, if the weather is too hot and needs to be cooled down, then turning on the air conditioner will make it cooler. However, the psychological world is not logical, and there is only correlation without causation.
For example, you said that losing control of your emotions is caused by psychological imbalance, but psychological balance cannot be achieved all at once. Regardless of whether this is the real cause, even if it is, it cannot solve the problem.
In this regard, we must establish problem-solving thinking and be problem-solving oriented, which is equivalent to jumping out of the current value judgments of right and wrong, good and bad, and filtering out unreasonable ideas brought about by these value judgments, such as " will When is the top, is as small as .”
Our goal is no longer to argue about right and wrong at the moment, but to see whether it is beneficial to solving the problems encountered. This will surpass the emotional control of most people, because the goal has been raised, the goal has been advanced, and the goal has changed.
takes solving problems as its goal, that is, focusing on the overall situation and direction, and not getting lost in the immediate interests and grievances.
There is a trick for navigating a maze, that is, always walk along a certain side. You may take many detours, but you will definitely come out. This is problem-solving orientation. Go out with a long-term focus. If you suffer some grievances now, you will take more detours. worth.
talked about the story about where to put the noodles yesterday. In the end, when discussing this issue, there was still some debate. In the end, he decisively showed weakness and admitted defeat, "I was wrong." If you didn't find it, you didn't find it. Don't look for excuses. After all, the purpose of discussing this is one The purpose is to find it later, and the other is to improve the clarity of expression and reduce misunderstandings.
's way of filtering negative emotions is to try to be problem-solving oriented and avoid venting invalid emotions. This may not be a bad way.
