French philosopher Sartre said: others are hell 8span 8span.
In the profound rational thinking of the philosophers, there are always countless questions that are essentially psychological.
Indeed, we live in a complicated interpersonal society, and we will meet people who make us suffer from headaches, get angry, or even go crazy and collapse at any time.
Among these people, some can be avoided easily, and some may never escape, such as blood relatives.
But we often don't realize that most of the time is really difficult to get along with, it is our own .
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British psychologist "Mr. Toad Going to the Psychologist" by Robert Debold _strong 1611span 8 _strong 1611spanIt tells the story of a toad who is suffering from depression and asks for help from a psychologist.
Do not think that this is a fairy tale written for children. Psychological healing books.
Mr. Toad has always been carefree, laughs and jokes, but uncharacteristically depressed, closed doors, and even thought of suicide.
Finally, under the guidance of the consultant Heron, Toad bravely explored the origin of his inner self-esteem, weakness, and depression, and is gradually regaining his happiness, hope and confidence. In the process, we also witnessed the miracle of healing and change.
The story of Mr. Toad tells us that sometimes our stumbling block is ourselves.
If you want to kick off the stumbling block and save yourself, you don’t need to face your strong 13 span11.
As said in the book "The Courage to Be Disgusted": The reason why we are unfortunate,It's not because of the past or the environment, and it's not because of lack of ability. It's just lack of courage, lack of courage to face oneself and make the right changes.
soul figure
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Taboo is a common problem of people, and no one admits that they are sick.
The same goes for Mr. Toad.
The toad who was "forced" by his friends to do psychological counseling, like most people who are in psychological counseling for the first time, has doubts about the ability of the counselor.
The heron looked into Toad’s eyes and said: If I didn’t believe that everyone was capable of getting better, I wouldn’t do this job.
Actually, each of us has our own demons, big or small, new or old, introverted or arrogant, no matter what form they appear, these uninvited guests will always come to us.
So,If you see your own shadow on Mr. Toad, it is a coincidence, and it is not a coincidence.
The inertia of exam-taking education always makes us accustomed to finding standard answers from questions.
And we There are many problems encountered in life, and there is no standard answer.
The psychology we look forward to will not have a standard answer, and the psychological counselor will not provide a cure for all diseases.
We cannot escape the pain, we can only admit and face it.
But don't get discouraged.
Although we cannot change any problems that have occurred, we can change our attitude towards the problem .
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Mr. Toad’s problem may be serious.
The heron consultant simulates a thermometer with 10 scales to evaluate the inner feelings of the toad.
The lowest is 1, which means you feel very bad, you may have suicidal thoughts;
span_span_span11 is not too bad The highest is 10, which means it is very pleasant.
The toad made a mark between 1 and 2 without hesitation.
Although in the eyes of Toad, its depression is all influenced by the people around it.
But in the eyes of the heron, the reason why the toad is unhappy is that it is in the "child self-state" span.
Toad’s happiness, affection, anger, sadness, and fear are all manifestations of the “child’s self-state”.
When people enter the state of children, their feelings and behaviors are the same as when they were children, and have nothing to do with their actual age.
The reason why Mr. Toad enters the "child self state" is because it was deeply influenced by his parents when he was a child .
Although most parents will do their best to raise their children, few parents intentionally harm their children.
However, parents are also human, and they will inevitably pass their ideas and behaviors to their offspring.
Infants and young children do not consciously think logically, but they can develop a set of behaviors to cope with the behavior of their parents. These earliest experiences will shape the prototype of personality.
Mr. Toad faces a strict and upright father and a obedient and thus doting mother. He cannot escape, and can only choose to obey and submit.
A toad accustomed to submissive behavior, regards dependence as a way of life, and never really grows up .
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After the death of his parents, the child is still an adult, but psychologically.
Moreover, there is a father's shadow beside him-the old badger.
The old badger, as an old friend of his father, has no self-knowledge, and is always dictating the life of the toad.
once asked Toad to withdraw from the board of the village school. Toad almost jumped up and down, but he didn't even dare to speak loudly.
When Toad told the heron what happened in a violent foul language, the consultant did not even fight for the toad. Instead, he ruthlessly pointed out that the toad was "conspiring" with the old badger.
The so-called "conspiracy" ,It is a mental game in which the weak will secretly or unconsciously cooperate with each other to create unhappiness for themselves, and those who lose in the game are considered winners.
Obviously, the weak toad is the winner of this "conspiracy" game. He unconsciously always caters to the old badger's criticism and protects his weak self.
Although the old badger is not the protagonist of the story, but like the toad, it is in the "parental self-state" .
"parental status" includes all the standard values and moral values that we have learned from our parents since birth, and we has learned from our parents that they are not 11 .
A person in the "parental state" is like a judge, who has been accusing and criticizing others, convicting others, and then punishing them logically.
Toad and old badger are both judges in the "critical parental state". The difference is that the old badger tried toad, while _span _strong11.
There is another kind of people who are in the state of "nurture-type parents", they are accustomed to the hypocritical "I am for your good".
In short, has no criticism stronger than self-criticism, and no judge is harsher than ourselves .
The once depressed toad was torturing himself in his own world, and even almost imposing the death penalty of self-determination.
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At this time, the toad has a deeper understanding of itself, and it can even think about the thoughts that once made itself anxious and resisted.
For the first time, Toad couldn't wait to get out of the "collusion" situation. For the first time, he thought about how to stop cooperating with others to condemn himself.
Finally, although Toad did not dare to face the old badger directly, it wrote a letter to the old badger and refused to resign as the school director.
So far, the toad has crossed the "parental self-state" and evolved to "adult self-state" .
In the "adult state", Mr. Toad is no longer driven by the past voices of his parents in his mind, nor will he be besieged by his childhood emotions.
In life, the self-state of children, parental self-state, and adult self-state experienced by Mr. Toad are also the only way for us.
They have evolved for thousands of years, so every state has important value for survival.
When in a child state , we will experience childhood feelings, past emotions, good and bad.
in the parental state, we use the concepts learned from our parents to repeatedly pick and educate others to allow others to accept our own values.
in the adult state ,We will be responsible for our actions and emotions, and we will be aware of using our own power to change the environment and actively change.
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as Heron told the toad, then there's life in the coordinates of the four cases:
good to me, you like it;
I’m good, you are not good;
I’m not good, hello;
em8span you are not good either.
We must find our place in life, otherwise we will fall to the edge of life.
Once we decide which attitude and view to adopt in childhood, we will always stick to our choice in the rest of life.
Based on these choices,Constructing a world by oneself, continuously confirming and supporting these beliefs and expectations, this is the "self-fulfilling prophecy" in psychology.
Those "I'm not good, you are good" people always feel that they are very bad, others are stronger than themselves, and they may become very depressed.
Those who are "I am good, you are not good" always need to attack or condemn others to satisfy themselves and project their own inner fears on others.
Those who "I am good, you are good" will hold a belief very close to 's humanism and believe in others.
10 conversations between toad and heron helped him reverse his life.
Toad finally broke the cycle of causality from childhood,Let the true self get rid of the shackles of past experience, and it will become the true self in freedom.
Toad from "conspiracy" with the old badger condemned his cowardice and followed his humble parents to rely on the heron 8 _strongspan 8 _strongspan 8 _span11_span strong , And finally learned to "sympathize" with friends to share each other's happiness, this is not our growth footprint.
Life is very long, and the journey will inevitably be bumpy.
May we all, like Mr. Toad, can rejuvenate from sadness and misfortune, and move from independent individuals to empathic symbiosis .
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