There are two advices in "Yan Family Instructions".
"If brothers are not harmonious, then the children and nephews will not love each other; if fathers are not kind, the children will not be filial; if brothers are not friendly, the younger brothers will be disrespectful; if husbands are not righteous, then the wife will not be in harmony."
In a family, parents, children, brothers and sisters are the closest people, and they are also the best support in life. If the family is not united, a series of problems will arise and we have to be alert.
However, in some families, brothers and sisters always make trouble and even break off friendships. No one even cares about their parents' old age.
Many people believe that most of the things that bring disaster to brothers and sisters are "parent bias". Because parents prefer useless children, other children feel uncomfortable.
Especially for some poorer families, parents ask their daughter for money and then give it to their son; or ask their son for money and give it to their daughter, younger son, etc. After a lot of trouble, the family property has not increased, but the contradictions have accumulated.
From the outside, bias is hateful. From a deeper analysis, whether it is biased or fighting for property, the root cause is the cause of "egoism".
01
The families in power of egoists are difficult to convince the public.
"Zengguang Xianwen" says: "There are thousands of people in the family and one person is in charge."
No matter how many families are, everyone cannot be "masters", but must obey a certain person. In this way, they can be in a consistent manner and develop in a coordinated manner.
When we were young, we undoubtedly had to obey our parents' management. Parents are among their parents, choose one.
Is the parents reliable? Can they be fair? When they are biased, you will feel uncomfortable. So "biasedness" is regarded as the crux of the problem.
In fact, the root of bias is still "selfishness", which hides a person's selfishness.
Who do parents prefer is thinking - who will rely on when they get old in the future; or hope that whoever they can live a better life and satisfy their parents' selfishness.
There are several specific situations.
First of all, , parents' selfishness is satisfied, then those who are spoiled will be self-righteous; others hold grudges towards their parents and are resentful of those who are spoiled, which is simply "behaved when you get a cheap one."
and then . When parents’ selfishness cannot be satisfied, parents will resent the “disobedient children”. Each family is disappointed.
and then . People who are spoiled by their parents have no filial piety. As a last resort, parents arrange the task of filial piety to their children who have never been loved, and the problem of "unwillingness and unwillingness" arises.
Finally, Some people pretended to be pitiful since childhood and gained the sympathy of their parents , thus trapping their parents step by step. It has to be said that they are too scheming.
A wrong decision made by parents can directly lead to failure of sibling relationships.
Western Zhou , Zhou Youwang was fascinated by Baosi , and then abolished the queen Shen family , and then abolished the prince Yijiu.
went around a big circle, and King You of Zhou made Ji Bo the prince the prince.
Originally, Ji Bofu and Yijiu were brothers, but because of King You of Zhou's arbitrary behavior, he turned against each other and became enemies. Finally, Yijiu joined forces with the forces of his grandfather's family to capture Haojing and destroy Ji Bofu. The competition between the brothers of
led to the demise of the Western Zhou Dynasty and the establishment of Eastern Zhou Dynasty . from a family perspective is a complete failure and has to start over.
Who will parents pass the position of "parents" to, or will naturally form a new parent. If they cannot give up selfishness, it will be difficult to convince the public, resulting in a mess of disarray.
02
The families of egoists are in danger.
All brothers and sisters have grown up, so they should choose to "go solo" first, and then give some of the benefits they get to their families and be filial to their parents.
However, some people cannot fly high and still hold everyone's back; or they have already flown high, but they are very selfish and will not feed back to their big families at all. This leads to the loss of balance in the family.
My uncle has four children, one girl and three boys.
After my youngest son went to Fujian to be a teacher. When my uncle was old, my younger son rarely went home because the journey was too far, and he would not send money to him.
The other children believe that their youngest son reads more and spends the most money on their parents and should be filial. Everyone threw filial piety aside, and it happened.
In addition to the imbalance of the "old accounts", there are also "new accounts" that are happening, which also has self-interest problems - brothers and sisters who grow up need to start a business and get rich, and it will be much easier if their parents take out their savings.
The parents have so much deposit, who should I give it to? Who should parents leave their house for? If you have antiques at home, how to distribute them? For selfish people, the more money they get, the better, and they will even force their parents to give them something.
If you are a generous person, you often give money to your parents and build a house in your hometown. But other brothers and sisters take away their parents' money and own the house in their hometown, and you will feel disappointed.
The fact that the magpie's nest happens in any family is a tragedy.
In addition, there are also things between brothers and sisters that they don’t repay the money. The more you gain, the better you get. Such a relationship should be "nothing."
03
Three things to change egoism.
Brothers and sisters all have self-interested ideas, what should they do? You can't break off your relationship at will or abandon your parents.
blood relationship cannot be broken. Even if we don’t interact with each other, we still have to meet in some occasions. At least when your parents are alive, you should maintain a stable relationship and not embarrass your parents' old age.
First, form rules for family operation and reach a consensus.
Support parents, farming, home business management, etc. With rules, it will be much easier to deal with. If someone violates the rules, point them out in time and help correct them. The establishment and adjustment of rules should be discussed together, and cannot be arbitrary.
Secondly, timely distribute the interests of the big family and avoid worries.
You can’t wait until your parents die before talking about property distribution. You must be able to “know” earlier. You are willing to pay for it clearly; you are easy to accept it when you clearly share the profit.
Third, take the initiative to assume the role of parents and set an example for everyone.
When you are willing to suffer losses in your family, it will slowly form a driving effect. This will create a good family atmosphere. Just like planting trees, everyone can enjoy the shade of the trees many years later.
04
Being a person must have systematic thinking and high level.
Any contradictory thing is the focus of interests and needs to be concessions; everything that everyone discusses needs to be dealt with immediately, and don’t bother for a long time.
A family is a team. If you gain benefits from the team, then who will protect the interests of the team? When the team fails, you are really helpless.
Brothers and sisters are actually a back-to-back relationship. Your back is very thick and can be used for everyone to rely on, so there are a few people behind you who can rely on.
Remember, benefits come into the house and happiness for the family.
Author: Common people eat coarse food.
Follow my text and enter your heart.
The pictures in the article are from the Internet.
