1. A college student looked at the mirror in the dormitory for a long time and suddenly said: I am so handsome!
roommate replied coldly: I'll go! Such a person is too cruel and even cheats himself.
2. I went shopping with my husband and met my ex-boyfriend.
I looked at my husband and whispered, "Husband, it's time for you to show off."
My husband deliberately said loudly, "Dear, are you tired of shopping? Take off your high heels and I will carry you!"
I didn't expect that the boy was so cruel, and followed us for three stops! It made my husband exhausted.
3. Husband: Wife, wife, I just went to buy fruit for 15 yuan
Wife: Then what?
Husband: I gave the boss 100 yuan, and the second guy asked me 95, haha
You said he is the only one? I ran away at that time.
Wife: Where is the fruit?
Husband:......Forgot to take
4. On the bus, I heard several aunts talking about having a second child. An aunt said, "You must have a second child. Look at Dalang . If there is no Wu Song , who will avenge him!"
is still the aunt who is far-sighted!
5. Female: "What are the conditions for falling in love?"
Male: "A man and a woman."
Female: "Nonsense!"
Male: "Yes, there is still a lot of nonsense."
6. Many people complain that their girlfriends don't like to do housework and have a big temper. I think boys have a responsibility, too.
Take my wife as an example. She used to be lazy and beat people at any time. Since she followed me, I consciously guided her to overcome these bad habits.
Now she never hits me, washes dishes and cooks every day, and sometimes she helps me rub my legs and back.
said so not to show off how good I trained, but to say that as long as you want to listen, I can continue to edit it.
7. A man gave a beggar at the street entrance 5 yuan every day, never stopping. After marriage, it was changed to 2 yuan, and after giving birth to a child, it was changed to 1 yuan.
One day, the beggar couldn't help asking: "Sir, why do you give me less and less money?"
Answer: "There is no pressure when you are single. Later, you have a wife and a child. The burden of life is heavy, so you can only give 1 yuan."
The beggar became angry after hearing this: "You are too unkind, and no matter how stressed you are, you can't use my money to support your family..."
8. On the first day of school, the kindergarten teacher called a parent: "Did your child watch too much TV?"
Parent said: "What's wrong? Is there a problem with the child's vision?"
Teacher said: "That's not, but every time you call, your child always answers 'The slave is here'!"
9. Seeing that my son's grades decline, I held him to educate him.
After listening for a long time, my son finally got impatient: Dad, you are so long-winded, talking so many big principles. Mom is much simpler than you. I asked curiously: How did your mother educate you.
Son: Mom said in one sentence, if you don’t study hard, you will be the same as your dad after you…
Me:…
10. Xiao Wang took a photo to look for a beautician.
Xiao Wang said: "Doctor, look at this photo. My wife's face is full of freckles. How can I find a way to remove it?"
Doctor: "Give me 3,000 yuan"
Xiao Wang gave the doctor three thousand yuan. The doctor took out a box and said slowly: "This is my wife's new mobile phone in the mall. It comes with a beauty filter. Use this to take a photo of your wife to ensure there are no freckles."
Xiao Wang...
11. The master asked a city person: "A fishing rod and a basket of fish, which one do you choose?"
answered: "I want a basket of fish."
. "
11. The master asked a city person: "A fishing rod and a basket of fish, which one do you choose?"
answered: "I want a basket of fish."
. Master 0 shook his head and smiled, "The donor is superficial. It is better to teach people how to fish than to teach people how to fish. Do you understand this principle? You will lose the fish after you finish eating it. You can catch a lot of fish, which can be used for a lifetime!"
The people in the city calmly and disdainfully added: "I want a basket of fish and sold it. I can buy a few fish rods and a pair of mahjong. Then rent the fish rod to someone else, collect rent, and then make an appointment with them to play mahjong while fishing, and you can also pump money..."
Master 0: "Get out... I don't want to talk to you people in the city."
12. Lao Liu played mahjong at his colleague's house for half a night, but when he returned home, he found that he didn't bring the key. He didn't want to disturb his wife, so he planned to go back and ask his colleague for help. Unexpectedly, he fell down the stairs and made his nose and face swollen.
Old Liu rushed back to his colleague's house with pain and said, "Can I stay here for a night tonight?"
When his colleague saw him like this, he hurriedly said, "Oh my God, come in quickly! Your wife is so cruel!"
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