1. I bought a watermelon yesterday. I went home to cut it and saw that it was not ripe. I decisively brought it back to change it. As a result, the stall where the original selling melons closed and left. After I got home, my girlfriend said that I was useless and I couldn’t even buy a watermelon.
I was so angry that I took the melon and went out. I just found a stall selling watermelons, and threw the melons on the ground without saying anything. I stared at the boss and stared at me. The boss said nothing and immediately changed me a ripe one.
2. The old lady on the bus is afraid of taking the station, so she will ask questions every time she stops. When the car arrived at a stop, she kept poking the driver with an umbrella: "Is this an exhibition center?"
"No, this is a rib!"
3. Many women suddenly understand what "father's love is like a mountain" after becoming mothers!
Mountain usually stays there and does nothing, sticking, sticking all the time.
4. My friend invited me to dinner at noon. When I paid the bill, I saw that he paid the money very slowly, so I said, "Why don't I pay it."
"How can I be so embarrassed!"
"It's okay." So I put my hand into his pocket.
5. When I got up in the middle of the night, I saw that my wife was sleeping soundly, so I raised my hand and slapped my wife in the butt, and then went to the bathroom very happily. When I came back, I found that my wife beat my son. I pulled my wife: Why are you doing to hit my son? My wife said furiously: He dared to sneak attack me while I was sleeping and pretended to be asleep!
6. A couple accidentally got into a car accident. The husband was fine, but his wife was seriously injured and was facing death. The husband held his wife's hand in front of the bed and twitched his body. His wife: Can you... answer... what I want to do...?
Husband: I promise you everything.
Wife: Can you...don't laugh...so happy?
7. Last night, my wife quarreled with her wife. She was so angry that she ran away from home with her suitcase...
I followed her and apologized, made various promises, and coaxed her. My wife finally changed her mind...
When I enthusiastically helped my wife get the suitcase, I realized that I went, the suitcase was empty...
8. Going to a restaurant for dinner, when I opened the door, a wave of heat came to me!
Me: Why don’t you turn on the air conditioner?
Waiter: The boss doesn’t let go, saying that it costs electricity.
Me: Then you open the window, it’s so hot!
Waiter: The boss said that the window was closed, and people outside would think that we had turned on the air conditioner.
I...
9. The first time I cooked was scrambled eggs. When I saw my dad pick up a chopstick and put it into my mouth, I asked with expectation: "How does it taste?" My dad frowned and said: "Well, your salt is fried well, and it has the fragrance of eggs!"
10. One day, my stomach hurts, and hurried to the bathroom. After taking off my pants, I used it for a long time. With a bang, it made a loud fart.
Then I heard the buddy in the pit next door: "My mom..."
When I was finished and about to leave, the buddy said: Do you still have paper, brother? I was scared by you just now and the paper fell into the pit!
11. Today I went to the bank ATM to check the accounts. It was my turn and found that the balance was zero. I was very disappointed and immediately returned the card and prepared to leave.
A woman behind her asked, "No money?" I said, "Yes." A long dragon behind
disappeared without a trace in an instant.
12. I am a girl, but my personality is more like a boy. I have short hair when I was in college and my clothes are more masculine. I like to play with boys.
Once, a cute junior girl from another college confessed to me and said she liked me. I said in surprise, "I am a female."
The junior girl obviously couldn't believe it, so she stared at me with wide eyes, suddenly touched my chest, then squatted on the ground and started crying, crying, "If you want to refuse, I have to find a better reason!"
me...
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