1. I felt a cold today, and my wife was very enthusiastic: "Come on! I'll scrape you!" I was surprised: "You can scrape?" My wife was afraid that I would be worried, so she dispelled my concerns and explained tightly: "Don't worry, I have experience!" I agreed! As a result, my wi

1. I felt a chill today, and my wife was very enthusiastic: "Come on! I'll give you scraping !"

I was surprised: "You can scrape sha?"

My wife was afraid that I wouldn't feel at ease, so she dispelled my concerns and explained tightly: "Don't worry, I have experience!"

I agreed! As a result, my wife shaved her back and felt a piercing pain!

I was angry: "You said you have experience, have you scratched?"

My wife answered simply: "I scratched fish scale !"

2. When summarizing the exam, the teacher often taught us not to slacken and not to lie on the achievements we have achieved.

I think he doesn't understand us at all, because only a few people can do this position of "lying" and most people, like me, fall down in front of their grades.

3. My son actually said he was out of breath when he was doing his homework. I: Can he still be out of breath when he did his homework? I've heard of this for the first time.

Son: Maybe it was because I didn’t master the rhythm when I was doing my homework, so I just wanted to rest for a while.

4. "I wasn't sensible before, but I was beaten up later."

"Have you become sensible?"

"I'm still ignorant, but I dare not be arrogant."

5. My nephew just refused to eat.

The sister-in-law asked again and again, and then the nephew stammered and said, "It's very full! I helped Xiaomin eat the meal in the kindergarten at noon! She promised me to kiss!"

The sister-in-law raised her face and scolded, "I won't help others to eat in the future!"

The nephew said helplessly, "But... I have to help her eat this month, and today I can't help kissing too much..."

6. A young girl in fitness clothes stepped onto the treadmill. I took out a moisturizing sprayer to face her face, hands, and chest. . . After a burst of squirting, he took out his cell phone and pointed it at the water droplets on his body, pouted and started taking selfies, then sent a WeChat message on his circle of friends, took a towel and left. . .

7. Today I told the man on WeChat: My belly is too big, like three months old, I want to lose weight!

The second guy replied: Dear, I dare not move, I am afraid you will get angry.

8. This year I gave the year-end bonus, and I gave my advice to the leader: "You have to give me the year-end bonus last year!"

The leader's face immediately changed: "Didn't I give you the year-end bonus last year? Each person is 2,000 yuan, and you are no exception!"

I reasoned with the leader: "You did give me 2,000 yuan last year, but you forgot You can introduce me to a beauty! "

The leader recalled: "This is the matter!"

I was confident: "It's this beauty. We made an appointment twice, and I spent more than 2,000 yuan. After the New Year, she broke up with me. You can get the loss of this 2,000 yuan!"

9. Don't rush to start a business for college students. Market research and partners!

Thinking about it, hesitating, and a few months passed in a flash.

Life is short, you will do it immediately when you have a business idea, and you will lose money as soon as possible and wake up early.

10. One night after working hard, I went home and lie on the bed to rest. My four-year-old daughter ran over: Dad, Dad, I will tell you a story.

I fell asleep in less than five minutes. . . Then he was slapped in the face: Let you listen carefully and go to bed again!