My father thought that my son didn’t look like me for a long time, and finally took my son to do DNA without hiding it. It turned out that the grandfather and grandson had no relationship. So, I personally had a DNA test with my son, and the results showed that the two were fathe

1. My father thought that my son didn’t look like me for a long time, and finally took my son to do DNA without hiding it. The result showed that the grandfather and grandson had no relationship. My wife cried so hard that she was willing to prove her innocence by death. So, I personally had a DNA test with my son, and the results showed that the two were father-son. Then, my dad and I went for a DNA test, and the results showed that we had no relationship. My mother cried to the death and was willing to prove her innocence with death. So, I had another DNA test with my mother, and the results showed that we were not related to half a cent. To rule out gene mutations, there is only the possibility of holding the wrong child in the hospital. Our family rushed to the hospital where I was born overnight. The old nurse flipped through the yellowed paper files and finally said that there was only one boy who gave birth to the same day as me that day, called xxx. My wife was shocked, and I was shocked too. After carefully checking all the information about the little boy, I finally confirmed that the little boy was his wife's "dear brother". My wife called her father-in-law and mother-in-law and her "dear brother". Her "brother" was captured and went to do DNA testing with my parents, and I was captured and went to do DNA testing with my father-in-law and mother-in-law. The results showed that my father-in-law and my mother-in-law had a relationship with father-son, mother-son, and my wife, brother and my parents had a relationship with father-son, mother-son. In other words, my wife is my real sister, and I am my real brother. But we are brothers and sisters, and the children are the product of inbreeding. Why is there nothing unusual? Finally, I had to have another DNA test with my wife. The test results show that the two have no relationship. Fortunately, my wife is not my real sister. I'm not my wife's biological brother either. So...who is she? With questions, I looked at my biological parents who were originally my father-in-law and mother-in-law. My wife was extremely excited and asked the two old men who they were in tears. The biological father said, "You... I actually picked it up from the garbage dump."

2. At night, my husband watched his wife keep buying things with his cell phone, and his heart reached its limit. My husband said, "Wife, my heart often stops suddenly. Please buy me some quick-acting heart-saving pills!" My wife said, "That medicine is so expensive!" My husband said, "Isn't my life expensive?" My wife said, "We can use other alternatives! Didn't you say that? When I buy online, your heart will be beating. In the future, you will get rid of cardiac arrest in and , and I will immediately get rid of it!" My husband yelled, "This is how my heart disease occurs!"

3. I have serious athlete's foot and I can't stand it at home. I went to buy shoes one day. The girl in the store didn’t know whether it was well-trained or the manager asked me to squat down and change my shoes. I tried the first pair and the second pair. When I asked to try the third pair, the clerk said with tears in his eyes: "Brother, the shoes here are not suitable for your temperament. Do you want to go and have a look next door?"

4. After one month of internship in a state-owned enterprise, the female boss who was chasing me was promoted to the position of human resources manager. A new intern from the department insists on wearing backless outfits to work every day. I was curious and asked her, "Why do you always wear so little?" "Tsk, that's not! Don't talk nonsense." She said shyly, "I'm for Mr. Wang, not Mr. He..." Me: "..."

5. On a cold winter night, I walked alone on the way home after get off work. Suddenly, a little girl selling flowers rushed over and hugged my legs and said, "Uncle, buy a bouquet of flowers to bring to my girlfriend!" Although she doesn't have a girlfriend, it's really not easy for a little girl to sell flowers outside in such a cold day. I smiled and was about to pay for it, but I found that the little girl looked up at me and turned around and left. She walked and said to herself: "Oh, you must have no girlfriend if you are so ugly!"

6. As a rider in Ele.me , the female boss is a middle-aged woman with a charm. Her husband didn't work and ate, drank and had fun at home all day. He gave gifts to the female anchor some time ago, but he actually spent all his savings. The female boss finally couldn't bear it anymore and divorced him. I have always been in love with her silently, and now I have another chance. I have decided to pursue my female boss openly. Last night, we were the only two of us working overtime in the company. I kissed her while the female boss was not paying attention. I looked at her, wondering what she was reacting.Three seconds later, the female boss said, "You secretly kiss me, why are you blushing!"

7. In Langtaosha Internet Cafe, I used ten times the experience to play games all night. Because I was too tired, I only reached level 99. I went to Futukang workshop this morning, sat on the work station and fell asleep, planning to sleep for two hours. The boss arrived at the company at about 7:30. He woke me up gently and said, "Xiao Zhang, don't work too hard at work. No matter how busy you are at work, you can't work overtime all night! It's still important to be physically. I will get a 200 bonus at the financial department and give you a half-day vacation in the afternoon." I couldn't help but sigh, "Happiness is coming too fast!"

8. After graduation, my friend set up a stall at the bank entrance to sell corn. The business was very good, and it took a short time to save a fortune. An acquaintance heard the news and asked him to borrow a bank of money from him to do business. A friend said to the borrower: "I'm very sorry. When I set up a stall here, I had signed a contract with this bank. We don't compete, that is, the bank does not sell boiled corn, and I don't provide loan services."

9. When the Beggars' Gang was at its peak, the gang was divided into two factions: clean clothes and dirty clothes. The clean clothes are as clean as new, while the dirty clothes are sloppy and dirty. They dislike each other and fight constantly. Due to the frequent internal consumption, the Beggars' Gang will no longer be as grand as the world's brothers. It was not until a man named laundry detergent appeared that the two factions disappeared and the factions merged into one.

10. A girl wearing a famous brand asked me, "Do you have a car?" I shook my head, and she asked again, "Then do you have a house?" I still shook my head, and she asked again, "Then do you have a savings?" I still shook my head, and she asked again, "Do you have a savings?" I still shook my head, and she was a little angry: "You have nothing, why are you here to kiss me?" I was angry: "I am a waiter, come to collect the bowls!"

11. My husband took advantage of my shower and peeked at my phone and found a text message: "Some big hotel, Room 306. "I came out after taking a shower and said, "I will go out to the party later, and I will come back later." My husband smiled and said, "Okay! I understand." Just as I was singing a happy birthday song with a group of friends in the hotel room, a strange man wearing a mask and holding a kitchen knife suddenly came in and kicked the door open, then walked over calmly, cut the cake and said, "This is the free service provided by this hotel. I wish you a happy meal and a happy birthday!"

12. I entered the community today and found that I did not bring the access control and was about to get through under the gate. Suddenly a handsome guy ran to me and was about to go in. I thought I could save money. Then he looked at him open the door with admiration. Unexpectedly, the guy said, "Sorry, let me get into it first, I'm in a hurry." Then he rushed over and left, leaving me in a mess in the wind.

13. The last two seats on the bus were occupied by a young man. The aunt went over and asked, "Is there anyone in these two seats?" The young man said, "My brother's seat, see his bag is here." The bus started, and the aunt came over and grabbed the bag and threw it out the window. The young man asked angrily, "What are you doing!" The aunt smiled and said, "Your brother didn't get in the car, I'm worried that he can't find the bag."

14. My sister-in-law, who is from Hangzhou, is a very gentle person. Her eldest nephew is spoiled by her and she is very naughty. During lunch, my nephew kept making trouble at the dinner table. In order to show off her power as a parent in front of her sister-in-law, my mother dragged her nephew into the room and wanted to be beaten. Within two seconds, my nephew came out. My sister-in-law asked in surprise: "Son, why is it so fast?" My nephew replied: "Grandma took off my pants and wanted to hit me on her. Seeing that my butt was not fleshy, she put her pants on me again!"

15. During the holiday, several female classmates called me out for dinner together, and I found that I was the only man in the entire dining table. One of the female classmates said impatiently, "I have eaten vegetables for three months, and my weight has increased!" I leaned over and said, "I heard that herbivorous animals are generally very large!" Several female classmates stared at me fiercely after hearing this. Did I say it wrong?

16. When I was in college in Shanghai, the school often gave me some scholarships because I was studying well.That time, my dad asked me, "Your teacher called me and said that your scholarship for this semester is 10,000, why did you give only 5,000 to your mom? Where did the rest go?" I said, "Dad, I gave the rest to my lesbian!" My dad asked me curiously, "Why do you give it to her?" I said, "Don't you often educate me that every successful man has a virtuous woman around you! I understand this sentence in particular, so if I succeed, I can't forget the women around me!"

17. Today is my girlfriend's birthday, so I accompanied my girlfriend to go shopping in the mall, but I fainted halfway through. My girlfriend said in a panic: "We haven't walked around much yet! You're sick!" My buddy came to see me with fruit: "Don't you always say you're in good health? Why did you faint after just walking around for a while?" I watched my girlfriend go out, and then smiled bitterly and said: "I'm not because it's hot, I'm afraid I can go on a walk anymore, so I can only eat instant noodles in the second half of the year!"

18. When I was in college, my buddy liked girls in the same class. I stared at her every day in class, but I just didn't confess. So I said to him, "If you like it, go and confess your love! Don't miss it!" As a result, this guy said to me, "She still owes me 500 yuan and hasn't paid it back yet! I will confess to her after she pays back my money!" I "..."

19. My wife quarreled with me. When the quarrel was so intense, I thought to myself, "Why should a big man have the same knowledge as a woman? What's more, she is my wife!" I apologized to her at that time, and my wife was very happy to see me like this! After apologizing, my brother-in-law put down the knife in my hand, my brother-in-law also put down the shovel in my hand, my sister-in-law pulled my hair and let go of the rolling pin in my wife's hand to the ground, and my father-in-law also threw the bricks hidden behind me!

20. My wife and I had a daughter three months after they got married. Although she looked like a neighbor, she was still cute. She was bored at home on weekends, so I took her to play a roller coaster. The people around her shouted at her but didn't say a word. After walking out, she still frowned without saying a word. I quickly asked my daughter, "Are you scared?" My daughter said, "When I went out, I forgot to put the leftover sauce elbow in the refrigerator, will it break?"

21. The female boss's computer was broken. She called me to repair it in the middle of the night, but when I repaired the computer, I didn't even have a place to sit. She cut some durian for me and asked, "Why are your pants so dirty, sitting on my bed?" I was embarrassed and had to take off my pants. The female boss scolded in an anxious manner, "I mean, why are you sitting on my bed?" There was no way, so I had to lie down, and I was kicked out in the end. Later, after the female boss divorced, she was given 6 million yuan in property, so I took her home. My wife is so beautiful that her neighbors are envious. Today, my wife complained to me: "I'm so angry that there are several stingy men on the bus." I was very angry: "Next time there is such a thing, call me and I'll catch them all in." My wife looked at me in surprise: "It's not illegal to take a few stingy men on the bus!"

22. When I woke up, I found that my wife looked at me in an unknown way, which made me feel creepy. Wife: "You called my name 9 times when you fell asleep."The string that was tense in my heart suddenly relaxed and said, "You say that I don't love you every day. Now do you understand what I want to you?" "My wife didn't answer what I said, and said to herself: "There is another name called Lily, you have called it 99 times! "Me: "Ah, no, right? "I was nervous about whether my wife would get angry, but she didn't expect that she said happily: "This Lily must owe you a lot of money! "

23. My home is very close to where I work. One night, I worked overtime in the company. After dinner, I thought about going home to rest! As soon as I walked downstairs, the female colleague looked up at the window of the kitchen on the second floor and asked me: "What's your relationship with this family?" "I said, "It's not bad, what's wrong? "The foodie ran upstairs as soon as she heard this, and said as she ran, "I smelled the sweet and sour fish from this restaurant. What's the point of eating it when we go skewers some meat! "I really convinced her: "I really didn't treat myself as an outsider! ”

24. Rich man: “Boss, how do you sell mink coats? "Boss: "9998! "The rich man: "I only have 70 yuan on me, sell it to me! "Boss: "Seeing that you are quite sincere, I will sell you! "Rich man: "Hey, this is 100, let's make change! "Boss: "Brother, I don't have change! Otherwise, you can take another marten coat. "

25. My wife, who was two months pregnant, wanted to eat mangosteen . I drove a Porsche to buy it at RT-Mart . In the underground parking lot, I met the class teacher of that year. The class teacher asked me: "Xiao Wang, are you sending it? "I smiled slightly: "A year ago, I only had a monthly salary of 2,000! "Class teacher: "Then now? "Me: "It's only four thousand! "Class teacher: "How can I afford this?" "Me: "The salary does not matter. The key is to see which boss you want to drive to! "

26. When I was taking the subway, I saw an aunt dressed in a fashionable way and praised her daughter with others. An overseas returnee elite, with an annual salary of one million, and she married the son of a wealthy businessman. It was full of envious and jealous! I couldn't help but ask the aunt: "Auntie, that minimum living allowance seems to be issued on the 15th, right? "The aunt said, "You said it wrong! It has been issued before the 10th! "

27. I didn't expect to meet the boss who fired me today. It was really a coincidence. At that time, he thought my work attitude was not positive and insisted on dismissing me. Today I smiled and said to him: "Boss, I really want to thank you very much. If you didn't fire me at the beginning, I wouldn't have lived such a leisurely and comfortable life that I have won for nothing. "The boss also smiled and said, "You're welcome. "Then I lost 100 yuan in the bowl in front of me and left...

28. I had a fight with my wife for a little trivial matter. The two of them had a cold war for a long time. I wanted to ease up, so I said to her, "Baby, I was wrong, but you also have something wrong. The old saying goes, a slap can't slap..." My girlfriend gave me a big mouth and asked, "Can a slap be slap? Can a slap be slap? "I covered my red face and said, "Yes! "

29. My best friend married a landlord and sat there every day to collect rent and work, which was very relaxed. But her husband felt that it was too boring at home, so he found a part-time job to deliver food. After less than a month of work, my best friend refused to let him go. I praised her so well and knew that I felt sorry for her husband. But she curled her lips and said to me: What do you know? He is almost ill in his career! Just after finishing the work in the evening, he just threw a word to me, remember the five-star praise!

30. Today, the salary was paid, and the female colleague threw me a lot of money and said: "Is it enough to spend an hour with me? "I roughly estimated that there must be a small thousand. I pondered for a while and said, "Drinking coffee and eating is OK, but I won't be fine if anything else! "She threw the money over and said, "What about these?" "I saw that I had already given three thousand, and I was a little moved, but I had seen big scenes and continued, "I'm not a casual person! "The female boss suddenly appeared and threw me a cowhide bag. I looked at at least 50,000 yuan. She said, "If you can guarantee that you won't talk to other women, these are all yours! "The female colleague left angrily. I suddenly became anxious: "Money."The money is left..." A few thousand yuan is also money! I hurriedly chased after me. When I came back, the female boss's tens of thousands were gone. This is how life is. Don't pay too much for your spoon, cherish it!

31. My wife caught a cold and asked me to come back on the way, so she went to the pharmacy to buy some medicine. When she got home, she took the medicine and saw her pour another glass of water, and started to take the medicine again. I quickly stopped her and couldn't take more medicine. She brought the water cup to me and said, "This is for you." "Me: "I don't have a cold, what medicine do you take? "She: "If you eat more, you can prevent it. If there is no one cooking or washing dishes, hurry up and cook. "Me: "..."

32. My cousin fell in love with a car model at first sight, so he stole my aunt's passbook to buy gifts for the car model. Finally, he brushed up all the 2 million yuan in the passbook, and the car model also agreed to date my cousin. When my cousin chatted with her, he asked her: "How many boyfriends have you had before me? "Car model: "It should be able to get a table of mahjong." "Cousin: "There are not many, only four! "Car model: "No, I'm not talking about human beings..."

33. The female secretary was pregnant, and the secretary asked her to abort. The female secretary insisted on returning to her hometown in Gansu to give birth. The female secretary: "How do you notify you when you give birth? "Secretary: "Send me a postcard, , and write it on it, Lanzhou ramen. "

A few months later, the secretary got off work and his wife handed a postcard. The secretary fainted after answering it and sent it to the hospital. The doctor: "What is the stimulation caused by shock ? "The wife said, "I fell down after reading the postcard. "

The doctor took the postcard and said, "Four bowls of Lanzhou ramen; two bowls with sausages, two bowls without..."

34. At night, my husband was a little confused, but he still picked up a can of beer, but before he could get up, he fell drunk on the floor.

was in a daze, I wanted to hear my husband and asked curiously, "Wife! I only poured you half a glass of wine back then, and you were drunk. Today you...

I looked at my husband who was unconscious on the floor, looked at the bottle of wine on the table, and said calmly: "I'm sorry, husband, it won't work tonight!"

35. There is a female colleague who is very handsome and hasn't fallen in love yet because of her special style. In the afternoon, she looked at the blue sky outside the window and suddenly said nervously: "Oh my God, please give me a boyfriend!" A most despicable colleague said quietly: "Aren't you afraid of being smashed to death?" The sisters went up and slapped: "What's wrong, what's wrong? I'm digging your ancestral grave? You have to go against me!"

36. In the morning, I cleaned my husband at home, and accidentally found the red envelopes my son received during the New Year. I quietly opened it and looked at it and was shocked. It was a full 50,000 yuan!

I quickly ran over and asked my son: "Where did you get so much money? Didn't you receive 2,000 red envelopes during the Chinese New Year? Where did the remaining money come from?"

My son took back the red envelope and said, "What's left is my girlfriend's New Year's money."

37. A leader came home with a drink of wine and wanted to tease his wife. He knocked on the door and said, "Hello, takeaway." As a result, a young man came to open the door, and the leader was furious: "Who are you?" The young man asked back: "Who are you?" The leader cursed: "Little bastard, why are you doing in my house?" The young man also got angry, grabbed the leader's collar and slapped him twice. At this time, a young woman ran out to persuade the young man: "Husband, forget it, don't be calculating like a drunkard." The leader woke up halfway as soon as he saw the wine: "Why did you come to the home of a female subordinate?" So he became wise in a hurry and said, "It's strange, why did this house number change? Ah! It turned out that he was wrong." After that, he went to another level...

38. My girlfriend's family is a big pig farmer in the village. Her father has been opposed in various ways after knowing that we were together. My girlfriend took me home that day. When I was having dinner, I thought I didn’t like me anyway, so I opened it and ate. Maybe there will be no next time! After I drank the third bowl of rice, my girlfriend's father said, "Young man, I thought you were thin and afraid that you would not be able to save my daughter. Today, I felt relieved when I saw your appetite. My daughter, please take it away! My body should be resistant to beating!" Why did I suddenly have a bad premonition...

39. My best friend suddenly called and said she was injured and asked me to go to the hospital to take care of her.I took a taxi to the hospital, and she said to me with red eyes: "You must see clearly when looking for a man. You must not want someone like my husband!"

I asked her in surprise: "Did he hit the leg?"

She gritted her teeth and said, "He dared to hide this time, and I kicked the leg of the table."

40. My wife was very dissatisfied when she saw me eating while watching the game live broadcast. She asked me: Husband, if there is only me and the game in this world, which one would you choose? I was stunned for a moment and said, "Of course I chose you." My wife smiled and said, "Husband, you really love me the most. You are so nice, I love you!" I glanced at my wife strangely and said, "It takes five people to play games and fight machines!"

41. A new young woman was moved upstairs, she was so beautiful. Once she came downstairs to find me and said that the sewer pipe in the bathroom at home was blocked, so she asked me to go upstairs to help her unblock. I excitedly brought all the tools and followed the beauty upstairs. In just five minutes, I helped the beauty unblock the sewer pipe in the bathroom. The beauty was very enthusiastic. She made tea for me and pulled me to sit on the sofa and chatted. It made me feel happy and very happy. We quickly became familiar with each other. From this day on, the beautiful woman went downstairs to ask me for help when she had anything to do at home. I refused everyone and enthusiastically went upstairs to help her solve her problems. One day I got down from the upper floor and returned home. I found that there was a young man at home. So I asked my wife who is this man and what are you doing in our house? My wife said lightly, he is a neighbor downstairs, and I want him to go upstairs to help our family repair things and clear pipes!

42. When I was in my twenties, I saw a beautiful woman on the street who dared to chase after her and ask for a phone number, asked her for a meal, and even dared to force kiss a girl she didn’t know on the street. But now I will never do this anymore. I don’t know if it’s because I’m old or because I have become sensible in the years I have been in the detention center!

43. My good friend got married today and married his ex-girlfriend’s best friend. I wonder who invited his ex-girlfriend. The girl acted generously and even chose delicious food when she was eating. During the meal, the newlyweds came to toast. When the ex-girlfriend was toast, the girl didn't wait for them to speak, and said, "You two shameless people are finally together, congratulations." Then Juechen left.

44. I remember that I had a quarrel with my wife before, so I slept in a small room. She was still very angry, so she cut my mosquito net with a pair of scissors and said, "Let the mosquito bite you to death!" I thought to myself that the mosquitoes would have a good taste tonight. An hour later, my wife came with transparent gelatin, my heart! Touched! My wife is just a knife-like mouth and a tofu heart. Just as I was about to say something, she said to herself: "The mosquitoes are almost gone, don't let them run away... run away..."

45. My mother-in-law has cancer syndrome and needs 1 million! Asked all relatives and friends, I only raised 450,000 yuan after borrowing money! Yesterday, my father-in-law was walking on the street in a daze and actually picked up a bank card. When he saw that there was a sentence written on the back: "Being rich means being willful, the password is 594188!" The father-in-law was ecstatic and hurried to find the nearest bank to withdraw money! The teller asked, "How much do you take?" The father-in-law plucked up his courage and said, "50,000!" The teller took out 50,000 yuan and handed it to the father-in-law: "Get 50,000 yuan, sir, you still have 950,000 yuan left in your card!" I went, it turned out that the card was really rich, but it was still a full 1 million!

46. Yesterday, the rich wife asked her old sister to have afternoon tea together. As soon as I met my sister, the rich wife felt that her sister had a charming figure recently. After the sister sat down, the rich wife asked, "Have you been working out during this period? I feel your buttocks have become erect!" The sister said, "Yes! Practice pull-up at home." The rich wife said in surprise, "It's so obvious! How can you practice? How many days have you been practicing?" The sister said, "Last night, I wanted to pull a few gravity up at home, but I didn't expect that my hand slipped and I couldn't grab it. I just sat on the ground and fell and swollen.

47! I went back to my hometown with my boyfriend. At the entrance of the village, my boyfriend was anxious to pee, so it was convenient to go to the grove. I was waiting on the side of the road. An old man came over and asked me: "Girl, who are you looking for in our village?" I said: "Uncle, I'll go to Li Xiaodong's house!" At this moment, my boyfriend came out and I said to him: "Does this old man say you are from your village?" Boyfriend: "Who doesn't know this grandson, my neighbor!" I pulled my boyfriend's clothes and asked him to speak politely. When the old man around me saw his boyfriend, he greeted him happily: "Second grandpa, are you back?" Damn, the generation in the countryside is so messy...

48. My best friend confessed to the male god whom I had been secretly in love with for a long time, but was ruthlessly rejected. My best friend was depressed and overeated, becoming particularly fat. My best friend's mother went to persuade her: "Daughter, it's time to lose weight!" My best friend: "If Cupid doesn't help me, what's the use of losing weight?" Her mother: "Let's lose weight! Otherwise, Cupid wouldn't have that long arrow, and can string your heart and other people's hearts through your thick fat!"

49. Her husband discovered an ambiguous relationship with her married female assistant. He asked me to give him 200,000 yuan, and this thing was assumed to have never happened. I can't afford so much money at all, so I want to ask someone who has a good relationship to borrow some money. When he arrived at the young man to explain his purpose, he came down from the sofa with a window list and shouted loudly, "Wife, give me your pants, I'll go to the bank to see if there is any money in the card!" His wife's voice came from the bedroom: "No! Today is Tuesday, it's my turn to wear the pants!" I would have been shocked at that time. If I hadn't seen a pot of tea eggs on his dining table, I would have believed that his family was really poor!

50. My wife’s beautiful manager just moved to a new home and invited her to have hot pot, so I followed her. The female manager has a new Teddy dog, and his wife wants to hug it, but it won't let it hug it. In order to break the embarrassment, the female manager explained: "Don't mind, it is afraid of being angry and not allowed to be touched by strangers. I will ask you to hug you a few more times." As soon as the words finished, the dog jumped onto my thigh, rubbed me, and asked me to tickle it. At this time, my wife's eyes looked like cold winter, covering me, with murderous intent!

51. I really shouldn't teach my mother to use a smartphone. Yesterday I went back to my parents' home and accidentally saw my mother's search record: "My daughter is married. She is lazy when she returns to her parents' home. Can she still fight?"

52. At the high school class reunion many years after graduation, I drank and timidly asked the female classmate who I liked for three years: "I like you for a long time. I wrote love letters to you before the college entrance examination. Although it makes no sense to say these now, I still want to know. Did you not feel anything about me at that time?" She was silent for a while and said: "I like you very much too! Remember what I said to you on the day of the holiday before the college entrance examination? I thought for a while and said: "I remember you knocked on the table and told me that I would focus on my time and energy on study. While there are still a few days left to read more books and strive to get good grades. "She smiled bitterly: "The reply I sent to you was caught in the math book I knocked on at that time. It was obvious that either you didn't understand what I said, or you had never read the book at all..." The teacher said that reading can change your destiny. The ancients said that there is a beauty in the book, and I will never deceive me!

53. There was a client who was a rich woman who recognized one of our female colleagues as her goddaughter and gave her 9,999 gifts, which meant a long and long time. Today she came to do the work and said that she had a goddaughter and still lacked a godson. She asked me if I would rather? I was not surprised when I was in a situation, and I kept my inner troubles for half a minute before I agreed. Then she gave me nine yuan and said that my son would be raised in poverty.

54. My mother recently invented a new cooking method: make a pot of sauerkraut pork ribs on Monday, add vermicelli on Tuesday, add frozen tofu on Wednesday, add sauerkraut on Thursday, add ruthless on Friday, add soup!

55. The long holiday ended and I didn’t see you for a few days. I wanted to surprise my girlfriend. I came to her door early in the morning, but her husband was not at work yet as soon as the door opened...

56. Fat Brother bought me a book " sacrificial " I looked at it for two days and cleared the wardrobe and shoe cabinet today. I want to buy new ones, but I have to throw away the old ones!

57. My sister-in-law was on a business trip and handed over my four or five-year-old nephew to me.Last night, my nephew woke up and insisted on asking me to go out to buy chicken legs and hamburgers. I was too lazy to go out and lied to my nephew and said, "This night! There are ghosts on the road, so I can't go out. What if I get into evil?" My nephew thought for a moment, took my cup and left the bedroom. When I came back, I brought me a glass of water and said, "Aunt, grandma said that boys can ward off evil spirits. Drink this before going out."

58. My cousin's birthday today, she had no partner, so she begged me to pretend that her suitor will come to her company to send flowers. Later, I was wearing a suit and tie and knocked on her office door with a rose in my hand. Many of her colleagues stretched their necks to look at her. Unexpectedly, she said after opening the door, "We are not suitable, don't bother me again." After that, she closed the door with a "bang".

59. There was only 17 points in mathematics in elementary school. After my father scolded me a few times, he started beating me. My uncle just came over and stopped me and said, "How can children's education be done by fighting? It's too simple and rough. You have to reason and focus on cultivating his self-confidence." After that, my uncle gently touched my head, held my hand and said to go to his house for dinner. At the dinner table, the uncle pointed at me and said to my cousin, "Your brother scored 17 points in the exam. Look, how delicious it is! You! You have to believe in yourself. Just get it carefully next time. If you score more than 80 points, don't eat?"

60. In the morning, kindergarten parents came to see off their children. There was a little boy who was so crazy that I teased him: "What do you want to be a big bad guy when you grow up?" He shouted without hesitation: "I want to be a bad guy!" The father who was a J C was so angry that his face was black. He would accompany him for a while every day when he sent him over. After hearing him today, he turned around and left with his old face. I asked another little girl: "What do you want to do when you grow up?" The little girl blinked: "I want to be a patient!" I was stunned and said, "Why?" I asked. "Because my mother will only be with me when I am sick." That day, the little girl was a doctor's mother and stayed with her until noon before she walked away with red eyes.

61, "My sister-in-law scored 688 points in the college entrance examination, and the admission score of Tsinghua University was 687 points. At that time, my sister-in-law was so arrogant, and I felt that I was so lucky! She happily posted a message on her Moments: "Haha, what luck is this? The admission line is 687 points, and I happened to get 688 points! "The father-in-law commented in seconds below: "Haha, what a coincidence, my daughter also scored 688 points in the college entrance examination! "The sister-in-law was shocked at that time and replied below: "Dad, do you have any other daughters besides me?" ”

62. Sales lady: “Sir, buy our house quickly! We do activities in new properties, buy one square meter and get one square free! "When the buddy heard this, he quickly bought a 160-square-meter house, but when he signed the contract, it was only 160-square-meter. The buddy was puzzled and said, "Oh, isn't it a square-meter to get one square-meter? It's still 160-square-meter, it should be 320! "The sales lady: "Sir, we will give it to you right away. Lao Liu brought the 6 boxes of Red Bull . Sir, you bought a total of 160 bottles and gave you 160 bottles of Red Bull! "The buddy said angrily: "You can buy one square meter and get one bottle for this one! "

63. I saved an old man, but I didn't expect that the old man was a rich man and gave a huge sum of money as a thank you. So I went to the bank and said to the most beautiful teller: "Help me check it out, how much is it inside! "The beauty said after checking, "3.8 million." "Me: "If you remember the password, I will not lose in the future. I have a bad memory! "At this time, the lobby manager came over and said, "Young man, can you still flirt with more than 3 million yuan?" Her husband is the big boss, so you can wait until you add 3 zeros to your deposit before coming over. "I cried bitterly and decided to buy a lottery ticket. I would definitely win the jackpot. I spent all my savings a year later. Today I came to the bank again, and the lobby manager said, "You have a chance, her family is bankrupt! "So I left crying again...

64. Today our comrades gathered together, and it's time for me to treat him this time. The eight of us only spent 59 yuan in total, and my wife gave him 500 yuan, and I earned 441 yuan. I told my friend about this, but he didn't believe it: "You brag! Eight of you have a meal, and it costs 59 yuan? "I said, "I have a trick. I bought a few kilograms of high-scattered liquor outside. As soon as the cold dishes were served, I turned on the "drying" mode. After a few glasses of liquor, we walked out under the table.At this time, the hot dishes had not been served yet. I used my only little bit of soberness and called the waiter to return all the hot dishes, and finally checked out 59!

65. I met a girl with a bad temper on a blind date. At that time, I got married because I had a strong taste. I live a happy life after marriage, but my wife has a bad temper. That night, she suddenly asked me what the lucky number was. I thought for a while and answered: "16!" My wife was furious after hearing this and slapped me directly: "I asked what fruit do you like to eat?"

66. When I got home from get off work, my wife walked up to me and said: "Husband, I made a scrambled egg with tomatoes, but it was a little burnt! But I smelled the smell of braised chicken nuggets!" I said: "You think too much, how is this possible? Don't dream for a hundred days." My wife: "You smell it, it's true, you definitely can't make it." I said: "That's the smell of cooking next door floating..."

67. The female crab saw a male crab not walking horizontally but walking straight. She thought this gentleman was really different and I wanted to fall in love with him. So the female crab confessed to the male crab. The next day, she noticed that her boyfriend was also rampant like other crabs. She asked puzzledly, "Didn't you go straight yesterday?" "Dear," Xiong crab replied, "I can't get so drunk every day."

67. Once I had a fever, it was over 39 degrees. I originally planned to go to a small clinic to get some antipyretics. But the wife of the family said that she had a trick to reduce the fever. Just ask me to lie in bed. Then I lay on the bed, and she took out an aunt's towel and dipped it in some water, and then hit it on my forehead... But the picture was so beautiful, I was so worried that someone would visit me! It made my fever worse. In short, for the way to reduce fever, I just want to say, "Wife, I'm going to the clinic!"

69. When I met a girl who was moved on Metro Line 2, I found a way to call her and called her in the evening: "Do you need early baby education? We are the early baby education center." The girl: "Sorry, don't!" I: "Do you need to make handprints and a typhoon brush?" The girl was a little annoyed: "Please, I'm not married yet!" I pestered her: "Let's add friends first, and you can use it after marriage." The girl: "I don't have a partner yet!" I smirked and said, "We also have a marriage agency service. What conditions do the young lady need? I will arrange for you to meet tomorrow!" The next day, she really came to the appointment, but unfortunately she didn't like me. When she went back, she called me and urged me to introduce her to her!

70. I was tired of walking and sat on a chair in the park to rest, and took out my snacks. At this time, an aunt brought her grandson over, and the little boy reached out to get my snacks. I avoided it, and the aunt said to my grandson, "Uncle is a stingy, let's not." So I gave the snacks to the little boy, got up and left. The child was holding his tongue and crying: "Spicy, spicy..."

71. The bar, I accidentally saw a woman, and she smiled at me, and she stretched out five fingers at me, and I instantly understood that such a beautiful girl is worth 500. Give her three fingers back, she nodded... In the early morning, I woke up and saw 300 yuan on the head of the bed and fell into deep thought!

72. I couldn’t drink enough. I drank some wine at a party, and a friend took me home after dinner. The next day, she looked at me resentfully and handed me a thick stack of change. I asked her what she meant? She said that this was when I was drunk last night, rushed to the intersection and waited for the green light. The driver bowed 90 degrees one by one, and carefully applied the reflector and windshield, but couldn't stop at all. The drivers of the past have seen me work hard and rewarded me with money!

73. I drove my Bentley to see my girlfriend. Because I was in a bad mood, I was a little distracted and hit a Honda Fit on the road. The owner of the Honda Fit is a beautiful woman and I fell in love with her at first sight. The beauty saw it and said to me, "I am only responsible for repairing the car for you, don't even think about anything else." The next day we met, and the beauty brought an aunt to her. The aunt had done beauty treatment at first sight, and she must be the beauty's mother. I said to the beauty, "What are you doing? You are bringing your sister to make a strong voice!" The beauty rolled her eyes. Her mother was very happy to hear this and explained to me with a smile.In just two days, I got the beauty as I wished!

74. Seeing my wife sleeping beside me, I suddenly remembered the bad idea on the Internet, slapped her, and then hugged her tightly: "Are you having a nightmare? It's okay, I'm with me, I'm with me!" She endured for a while and said: "I didn't fall asleep just now, so I'm resting with my eyes closed!"

75. My best friend pulled me to accompany her to a blind date. After I went there, I found that there were very few girls. I stood in a row, and the single men around me took the girl's hand directly. As a result, there was still one person left in the girl's team, so she pulled me into her team to make up the numbers. I haven't stood firm yet! Suddenly a handsome guy walked towards me. This scene happened to be seen by my boyfriend's buddy, and I grabbed me and said directly: "Brother, come and hold your wife quickly, otherwise you will become a single dog!"

76. My husband gave his Wuling Hongguang to my father and got a 12-person business in Boeko! The bus is running on Didi, and the first order is your first love girlfriend! Seeing her expression struggling, my father-in-law seemed to be making some mental preparations. After arriving at the destination, my ex-girlfriend whispered to my father-in-law, "Can we go back?" My father-in-law was confused for a while and said, "Yes!" My ex-girlfriend was very happy, kissed her father-in-law, and said, "I knew you haven't forgotten me yet." My father-in-law was shocked: "Ah! You misunderstood! I was talking about going back to the place where you got on the bus, but you have to add twenty yuan!"

77. My husband spent 50,000 to buy a golden retriever, and I like it very much. Every time I go home, I will circumferentially around me and lie on my face and lick it! When my husband saw it, he said, "You stupid dog are not afraid of poisoning! There are several layers of powder on her face!" When the golden retriever heard this, he decisively ran to the dog basin and began to lick the water and rinse his mouth!

78. Mom: "My dad, our daughter has been in college since September 1, and she has not called for two months, right?" Dad: "Yes!" Mom: "It's November, I don't know if she's cold or not. Why doesn't this child know to call home?" Dad: "Don't worry, within a week, our daughter promises to call home!" Mom: "Why are you so sure?" Dad: "First, two months after school starts, according to our daughter's spendthrift style, we will be out of ammunition and food. Second, Double Eleven is coming soon." Mom: "Well, what you said really makes sense!"

79. Before going out, my mother told me to go to the morning market to buy mushrooms when I rest. This morning, I was awakened by the video she sent. My mother said, "You haven't gotten up yet?" I remembered her instructions and said, "I got up early and went to the morning market. There were no mushrooms. I came back and slept for a while." My mother smiled coldly and said, "Who are you fooling me? I didn't move on WeChat, but you still got up early, so get up quickly!"

80. My mother went out far away for something and called me and said that she would check the weather forecast. She asked me to close the doors and windows everywhere to avoid flooding the doghouse at home. I asked her puzzledly, "Where did you get a doghouse when you don't have a dog at home?" My mother said lightly, "It's the one you live in." After that, she hung up the phone. Me: "..."

81. My wife ran out of the kitchen and asked me angrily: "Last time, is the dress I like online expensive?" I said pitifully: "Not expensive." She smiled at me: "Not expensive, right? Then don't kneel down." As soon as she finished speaking, I stood up from the ground with a trembling support on the wall.

82. My wife refused to have a second child after giving birth for one day and one night and stayed with me. In a year, my wife's endocrine disorders became dysfunctional and she had a lot of acne on her face. She joked with her daughter that she would go for plastic surgery and asked her for skin, and asked her if she would rather bear it. My daughter said, "I'm willing to let it go! Use the skin on her face to make my mother beautiful!" My wife asked me again, and I said, "Use the skin on my butt to give it to you." My wife said, "Okay! Anyway, if you kiss my face in the future, you will kiss your own butt!" After hearing this, I couldn't help but vomit...

83, the third anniversary wedding anniversary, I prepared a candlelight dinner for my wife at home early to wait for her to come back.Unexpectedly, there was an unexpected surprise. My wife gave me an exquisite wallet, which is said to cost more than 10,000 yuan! I excitedly wrapped my wife and asked, "Why is a wallet so expensive?" My wife hugged me and said coquettishly, "Can the wallet bought in the gold shop be of good quality? Besides, they also gave me a beautiful diamond necklace!"

84. My brother successfully started his business and became a rich man. He bought a villa. He just moved in and asked us to visit. At his house, his wife gave my daughter an electric car, and I took her home. My brother called me this morning and asked me to return the car to him. I said, "After you invite someone to have a meal, do you want someone to spit it out?" After a while, my brother chased my house and picked up the car model and said, "Brother, you misunderstood. I'll take a look and give it back to you." As he said, my brother locked the battery down and pulled out two hundred-dollar bills from behind the battery.

85. When I was in junior high school, I was participating in the sports meeting at school, and I couldn’t find anyone, so I asked me, a lazy little fat man, to participate in the 1500-meter competition. Many running students borrowed running shoes from the sports team, saying that they could run faster when they put them on. Before the run started, the head teacher finally borrowed a pair and quickly changed it to me. Then I asked anxiously, "Are the shoes suitable?" I took a few steps and said seriously, "The shoes suitable, but the feet are bigger!"

86. When I was a child, I saw someone carrying two ears of a rabbit. I asked my mother, "Doesn't the rabbit hurt like this?" My mother told me that rabbits have such long ears to facilitate people to carry them. This sentence has been imprinted in my ignorant mind until one day I saw a donkey! That day... I was almost kicked to death.

87. A couple has been married for several years and has never had a child. The mother-in-law is unhappy and said in a corner, "Even if you raise an old hen for so many years, you should lay eggs." Not long after, the daughter-in-law became pregnant, twins, and after two years, the daughter-in-law became pregnant again. After checking, she was twins again. In the end, she was aborted and gave birth to her. Now it's great. My mother-in-law is at home all day complaining about being tired and tired. My daughter-in-law said, "I'm calling you tired? Others have a dozen old hens."

88. There is a widow with assets of over 100 million yuan. She is nearly 50 years old, but she still has charm and looks much younger than her actual age. Later she married a handsome man who was 30 years old. "You are so different in age, how could he marry you?" asked the widow's close friend. "I'm hiding my age!" replied the widow. "You said you are only 30 years old!" asked a close friend. "Wrong!" said the widow, "I told him that I am 70 years old."

89. I just went down to the supermarket to buy water. A bottle of water costs 3 yuan. I gave the boss 10 yuan, but he forgot to ask me for 7 yuan. It was not much, but the boss was extremely arrogant and refused to admit it! The boss's wife came and said to adjust the surveillance camera. As she watched it, she saw the boss and a woman kissing... Now 110 and 120 are coming, and there are also a group of people watching the fun. I want to ask everyone, do I still want this 7 yuan? I really didn't mean it!

90. I went for a walk in the park yesterday evening and saw a beautiful woman not far away shouting: "Baby, where are you? Come here quickly!" She shouted so hard! After a while, a puppy jumped out of the grass. The beauty stepped forward and picked up the puppy and kissed the dog hard... She frowned and gave the dog a big mouth, cursing, "Did you eat shit again?"

91. A car thief just poured the stolen car out of the garage, and was captured and handed over to the police by an old man from the countryside. The police were puzzled and asked the uncle: "How do you know that this car was stolen?" The uncle replied: "His grandson's grandson got in the car, and the car automatically called the police!" The police asked: "How did you report it?" The uncle said: "Please note it." I mean, car thieves! Please note, car thieves!" The car thief listened, looking at the sky with a 45-degree angle, saying to himself: "No culture, it's so fucking terrible!"

92. Yesterday, he went out to do something, and there were so many people in the subway line. As soon as the subway arrived, the passengers squeezed upwards. Suddenly, one person shouted: "Don't squeeze, I have explosive products!" The crowd immediately dispersed and the security guard rushed over immediately, asking loudly: "What explosive products?" The man raised a bag of things over his head and said angrily: "Eggs! Two of them were squeezed out."

93. It was so dangerous last night. I checked the drunk driving in front. I came out after drinking. I knew I wouldn't leave the money road. I got closer and closer to the traffic police. My heart was beating, my palms were full of sweat. I wanted to escape, but I was all in front of me, so I couldn't run away. It was my turn. I blew at the wine measuring device. The machine whistled wildly, thinking that I couldn't escape this time... At this time, the police shouted at me: "Get out quickly, walk with me and join in the fun!" Damn's drunk too much, forgot to drive!

94. I saw a store hype: "The belt is 99 yuan per person, it's not true leather, and one is fake, and I will pay ten! "

went to buy one, and when I got it, it was definitely a fake product! So I asked the boss to settle the score.

Me: "You must be fake, please pay me 10 items quickly! "

Boss: "Young man, I wrote it very clearly at the door, it's not real skin, I will pay ten if I fake one! "

Come on, boss, come here, I'll kill you! ‍

94. My sister-in-law brought two rabbits and said she was caught in the back mountain. It tasted very delicious. When my son came home from school, he saw me killing the rabbit, and immediately ran over to protect him and said, "How can I kill the rabbit like this? "

My sister-in-law told her that this is a meat rabbit. It was eaten by it and it was delicious!

My son didn't listen. After holding the rabbit, he silently tear the cabbage for it to eat. After a while, half of the cabbage was gone, and my son picked up the rabbit and handed it to me: "Dad, it's full, you can do it now. ”

95. A male classmate confessed his love to a girl he had long loved.

girl said shyly: "Turn right after leaving the school gate, walk to the third traffic light and turn left, which is my answer. "

The male classmate was ecstatic and went after school.

When he came back and asked, he said in a tone that seemed to have lost the whole world: "Oh! That was a dead end. ”

96. My boss’s son just came back from abroad and chased me a female colleague. The colleague was forced by him and directly took me to the tank and told him that I was her boyfriend!

As a result, I was fired that day and I had an extra year of salary on the card! I was secretly happy and felt ashamed of it. Alas!

I really want to tell him the truth: "Brother, actually, that girl is not my girlfriend, she is your father’s lover! ”

97. My sister-in-law is going shopping, and my cousin: “Don’t go, you must buy it if you go, and you can’t even control it! "Sister-in-law: "I'm afraid I can't control myself, so I'll tell you that if I want to buy it, I'll drag me away. "Cousin: "This is almost the same! "When I arrived at the mall, my sister-in-law fell in love with a coat and stood there for a long time. When my cousin saw that the woman seemed to want to buy it, she pulled her sister-in-law's sleeve: "Dear, we..." My sister-in-law shook her hard, and it was thrusting... My sister-in-law looked at her coat: "Drag it, drag it, you pull down the sleeves of my clothes, what should I do if you ask me to? Buy this coat for me quickly. "Cousin: "I've been tricked! "

98. Yesterday, I made up my mind to meet netizens. Unexpectedly, the middle-aged aunt who came to the appointment was actually a middle-aged aunt. Her mood suddenly fell to the bottom, but she had to finish the call with tears in her eyes, right? So I decided to let myself go and appear in front of the aunt. At this time, the aunt was talking to someone: "Daughter! It's okay, come here! This guy is quite serious! "

99. I was cooking in the kitchen. My father took my son to watch TV in the living room. The performance of nunchaku was playing on the TV. The son said: "This is just a performance. I don't know how powerful nunchaku is? "The father pointed to the scar on his forehead and said, "The attack power is very strong! I fought with someone alone, but I was knocked to death by a nunchakus and left a scar. "Son: "That man is too ruthless, right? "Dad: "Don't blame him, I am the one who uses nunchakra! ”

100. My buddy is a second-generation farmer with billions of assets at home, but because of her ugly appearance, she can’t find a girlfriend. That day, my buddy sat on the sofa in frustration after returning home. When my mother saw it, she asked him what was wrong. My buddy said, “No girl likes me, and people in the whole world hate me! "The mother immediately comforted him and said, "That's not necessarily true, son, there are still many people who don't know you!" ”