I joined a new company. A female colleague often talked to me and gave me a cup of hot milk tea from time to time. I was moved to tears, so I took her decisively and took her down. Not long after dating, she took me home. When her mother saw me, she said excitedly: "Qian Nian Dao

1. I have a new company. A female colleague often talks to me and gives me a cup of hot milk tea from time to time. I was moved to tears. So I took her decisively and took her down. Not long after dating, she took me home. When her mother saw me, she said excitedly, "Qian Nian Dao Wan Nian Dao, I finally brought a boyfriend back." After dinner, her father and I sat in the living room to drink tea. Her father said to me, "I am just such a precious daughter. I have been very outstanding since I was a child. I have received countless certificates of awards. Now we don't want the dowry, as long as you treat her well." I was so excited after hearing this! Didn’t this ask me to pick up a treasure? After getting married, my father-in-law did not lie to me, but the certificates I received were all Taekwondo. I was beaten up with a disagreement yesterday. I was so angry that I found my father-in-law and asked for a return. My father-in-law said slowly, "My daughter chased all the men in the company, but they all knew that my daughter had learned Taekwondo, but they all refused. Finally, I was a bitched. Do you think it is possible to return the product!" I just wanted to say, let's play and make a fuss, don't joke about your life, okay?

2. I wanted to go on a trip during the National Day holiday, but I didn’t expect to receive a call from my mother asking me when I would go home, and said that my younger sister took her boyfriend home. I was helpless after hearing this, but in order not to lose face, I spent money to rent a flight attendant and took it home. After arriving at home, my mother was very happy to see the girl and chatted very happily. The flight attendant had such good acting skills, and her sister and her boyfriend were also very good. That night I was having a breath of air on the balcony and I happened to see my rented girlfriend chatting with my sister's boyfriend in the yard. The rented flight attendant said in surprise: "What? You cost 300 yuan a day? I only have 200 yuan!"

3. Yesterday, my husband called after get off work and said he wanted to go to the gym to exercise. Me: "You never exercise, why do you need to exercise now?" Husband: "I can't change you, I can only work hard!" Me: "What do you mean, what do you want to change me?" Husband: "Before marriage, you have to hug you every day." Me: "Is it okay?" Husband: "I've obviously been unable to do it for more than a month of marriage, so I have to work hard by myself." Me: "..."

4. A colleague just said I was just having breakfast and talking about her weird things: I went out in the morning and got on the gear when I was driving. I squeezed the front of the car behind me. My colleague got off the car and found out that I had rubbed the car from Pa Insurance Company. After the staff came out, they learned that she bought her own insurance and let her go...

5. I was delivering food in the wind and sun every day, which caused my originally not-white skin tone to become much darker. After get off work last night, I said to my sister, "Sister, you see that there are so many best friends and classmates, so I will introduce you to me to me? Are you really watching your brother alone? Do you really bear it?" My sister replied, "I will definitely help you with this, but it doesn't work now, wait a little longer." I asked curiously, "What are you waiting for?" My sister said, "When I see a best friend who doesn't like you!"

6. After I graduated from college, I came to work in a listed company through an introduction, which cost more than 3,000 yuan a month. After I got my first salary in the evening, I bought a car in full. The procedures were simple and I was done quickly. Then I asked the salesperson: "Do you give me a model?" The salesperson shook his head, "No." I asked again, "Do you give me a foot pad?" The salesperson shook his head, "No." I was immediately unhappy: "You have to give me something, right?" The salesperson thought for a while and said, "Let's do this! We will install a bell for you for free!" In this way, I rode the bell along the way, Giant bicycle , and went home with a ding-ling!

7. Apart from Double 11, I don’t have to buy it. After rushing to work overtime, I remembered that it was another Singles’ Day. I found a relatively pretentious and self-comfortable article I read in my circle of friends before, and I gave it to this great festival. There is no hope this year, so I hope next year! Hahaha.

8. These are part of the memory of the New Year flavor. They are composed of a variety of elements, including light and shadow, color, breath and taste. The Spring Festival has always been the most colorful memory in our hearts.Times are changing, and the way of expressing the New Year atmosphere is also changing. Every generation has their own unique New Year atmosphere. As long as the human touch is there, the New Year atmosphere will be there. If you keep paying attention to its existence, you will find that there is a New Year atmosphere everywhere in the world. It is by no means just staying in memory, it has always been around you and me.

9. A few days ago, I learned about an explosion that the female president thought she could not have children and divorced her husband. All the male colleagues in the company went crazy. In order to fight for 30 years, they began to pursue the female president crazily. But the female president looked down on me, but took the initiative to kiss me. I was stunned for a moment, but I didn't expect happiness to come so suddenly, and I felt all kinds of pleasure. Later I learned that people were taking the truth and taking a big adventure, and they were called to kiss a company that was ugly!

10. I drove my mother-in-law's BMW mini to pick up my brother-in-law at the primary school gate. At the school gate, I found that the school had Children's Day activities, and children could receive ice cream for free. I immediately ran over and lined up, and many people looked at me with strange eyes. When it was my turn, the old man who sent the ice cream said to me, "I am still a teenager when I returned, but you are shameless when I returned!"

11. At the class reunion, the female classmate asked me angrily, "You had a crush on me, why didn't you pursue me?" I also said angrily, "I wrote you a love letter, why didn't you respond?" The female classmate said angrily, "It was my husband who gave me, not you!" I even more He said angrily, "I have written it and asked him to give it to you." The female classmate became more and more angry, "Why don't you give it to yourself!" I said angrily, "Your husband said, he will help me." The female classmate said angrily, "Why don't you write your name!" I responded angrily, "I wrote it!" Next to her, her husband, my classmate said angrily, "I changed it with plaster liquid!" The female classmate and I angrily fought with him. Then, the classmate gathering angrily dispersed. Who do you think is the most angry?

12. This year during the Spring Festival, I bought a lot of gifts and went home for the New Year, just to show off myself in front of my relatives and friends. After I arrived at my house, I opened the door and saw that it was a long time since I saw me. I felt that my cousin had gained a lot of weight again. So, I asked curiously, "What are you eating?" My cousin sighed, "Don't mention it, I went to my boyfriend's house for the New Year for the first time this year. I was dizzy when I got off the bus, so I vomited. My mother-in-law thought I was pregnant and gave me all kinds of supplements!"

13. Other chicks like to dig out insects, but one chick likes to dig out bracken . Therefore, other chicks laugh at it, which makes it very uncomfortable. It asked my father: Why did he be ridiculed when he did what he liked? "Dad said, "Don't pay attention to others, you are the strongest one! "Xiao Chicken: "Dad, don't lie to me!" "Dad: "Really, because you are digging fern chicken! ”

14. I received an order online to deal with the blind date at home. After dinner, her father pulled me to the balcony, lit a cigarette, and wrote a check of 5 million. I immediately said, "Uncle, I understand what you mean. I will leave your daughter, but don't tell her, I think she will accept it. "Uncle said, "No, young man, you're overthinking. I want to say that you are married. The 5 million yuan is a dowry, as long as you have to cherish her. "After saying that, he immediately stuffed the check into my hand. I held the check, thinking about his 500-pound daughter, and I was a little suspicious of life.

15. After the start of university, the instructor asked the students to stand in the military posture on the first day of military training for the freshmen! After standing for 10 minutes, a girl in the class fainted and fell directly on the girl beside her. The instructor said: "If you can't stand it, you must report it in time. Don't hold on. You can faint after only standing for 10 minutes. Could it be that it is Lin Meimei's reincarnation? "I was puzzled. During the rest period, I watched the fainting girl and asked the girl why she fainted. The girl said, "I just fell asleep and fell asleep..."

16. My father-in-law gave me an Porsche 911 as a birthday gift. I was very happy and immediately went to the driving school to register for driving.After getting on the bus on the first day, I suddenly found that the steering wheel was a little loose, so I asked the coach what was going on? The coach took a deep breath of cigarette and looked out the window hesitantly: "You have a senior sister who grew up riding a horse in Inner Mongolia. Every time she wants to brake, she will pull the steering wheel and shout, yell..."

17. My wife's best friend's family is very poor, but she loves vain and borrows money everywhere to buy luxury goods. I borrow 500 from A, and I promise to repay it in a week, and then borrow 1,000 from B a week later, and repay A 500, and so on. The most awesome thing is that these creditors are all their classmates and they don’t even know each other. Until one day they organized a class reunion, but my wife’s best friend didn’t dare to go...

18. Last night I lied to my wife to work overtime, but in fact I went out to drink with my brother-in-law on my back. Unexpectedly, my brother-in-law said that my wife had found out that she let it go. After returning home, my wife had no time to scold me, I knelt directly in front of my wife. My wife said, "Don't worry? I'm going to restore the factory settings now!" I couldn't help but be surprised: "Wife, are you going to change to the kind of gentleness and considerateness you used to?" My wife said, "No, I didn't get a certificate before, I was afraid that you wouldn't marry me. Actually, I was the champion of Sanda !"

19. I remember when I was in college, a reporter broke the news about gutter oil , which made everyone panic all day long. Then, under pressure from public opinion, the canteen owner of our school specially organized a meeting to clarify. The canteen owner slowly walked up to the speech stage, cleared his throat and said, "The world is so conscience, our canteen has never let go of oil!" There were more than 10,000 students sitting in the audience at that time, but none of them came out to refute it!

20. My buddy lives in the countryside and has a good relationship with a tomboy in the village. The two of them talked about everything, and even the buddy discussed with the tomboy how to hide private money after marriage. Once, the tomboy said to him, "We get married, you don't have to secretly hide your private money in the future!" My buddy took it seriously. Now my buddy really doesn't need to hide money anymore, and I paid all my salary.

21. Last night, my computer that had been scrapped for more than two years suddenly turned on automatically, which scared me. Then the computer manager popped up on the screen, which showed that it took two years and two months to start the computer, and it has defeated 0% of the computers. The computer manager has exhausted all his patience with your computer. Then I uninstalled myself and I looked at the computer screen in a mess.

22. I was hungry last night and said to my wife, "I'm going to buy midnight snacks, what do you eat?" My wife said, "I'm losing weight! If I don't eat, I won't eat a bite." Then I bought it home, don't say it, women sometimes keep their word and don't let me take a bite.

23. At around seven o'clock last night, a strange number called, with a northern accent, asking me to guess who he is. I racked my brains and couldn't remember who he was, so I asked the other party to give me a prompt. After a long time, I was still guessing who the other party was. The other party said, "Okay, okay, I won't play with you anymore, I'm wasting my time. Actually, I'm a liar, I've spent a long time with you and didn't have any results. I've gone to cheat others." Then he hung up the phone.

24. I had a fight with my husband before going to bed last night. He fell asleep first. I was still playing with my phone. He suddenly came to hug me. I was quite surprised that this stubborn temper also came to take care of me first, and I was secretly happy. Seeing him frowning and pushing me away hard, I was shocked! He beat him up and asked him what was going on. It turned out that he hugged me and remembered that we had a quarrel, this idiot!

25. Last night, I met a girl with a huge figure in a nightclub. After a while, she murmured to me in a tempting voice: "Do you want to take me to a quieter place?" Half an hour later, I sat alone in the library, not knowing what I did wrong.

26. As a science student, I often say to others: "Science students are the driving force for the progress of human civilization, and liberal arts students are the resistance to the progress of human civilization!" If the other party is a science student, we will smile at each other. If the other party is a liberal arts student, I usually continue, “Human civilization is like a car, science students are engines, and liberal arts students are brakes.”

27. As a rural person, he started to go out to work after he didn’t study. Although he was more handsome than the city wall outside, he always became shy when he came to his hometown every time he took the urban and rural bus. He always brewed in his heart for a long time. He usually cleared his throat first and brewed for a long time: “Master…Master, stop at the big locust tree in front of him. "Once I practiced in my heart for a long time, and I was excited and said, "Master, please go ahead and let me go! "

28. When I took the bus, a guy asked the driver before he got on the bus: "How many minutes does this bus take you? "The driver said for nine minutes. The guy asked loudly: "Then I have been waiting for almost an hour, why did one come after I came?" "The driver said slowly, "Brother, my class is the first class. "

29. I was on a business trip by train. A beautiful woman sat in a row with me. Her seat was by the window. I was in the passage. An old man was sitting in the middle. I was thinking about how to sit in the middle. At this moment, the old man smiled at me and said, "Young man, I was a little sick in the middle. How about the change between us? "I agreed immediately, thinking in my heart that this old man is really a good person. Just as I was about to turn around and chat with the beauty, a strong body odor hit my nose. Turning my head to look at the old man, the old man nodded at me and gave me a firm smile! "Uncle, I was so sick as I was sitting in the middle! "

30. A couple sitting in the restaurant talked very prone, talking and laughing. At this time, another customer came in in the restaurant. The woman looked at the side, and her male companion disappeared in an instant. Seeing this, the waiter hurried over. "Madam, look," he said, "your husband slid under the table. "No, he didn't," she replied, "My husband just came in from outside the door. ”

31. My husband went to take a shower, and a female friend on his mobile phone sent a message: “What are you doing? "I replied on a whim, "I am thinking of you." "The other party said: "Really? "I felt bored, so I replied: "I sent the message just now, I am his wife. "The other party replied in an instant: "That's great! "I was surprised: "Hmm? What's so good? The other party said: Let's chat for a while while they are not around? I am her husband!

32. From time to time, I secretly glanced at a beautiful girl on the bus. She was discovered and smiled awkwardly. . The girl also smiled and said, "You are really like my ex-boyfriend!" She was secretly happy and felt that there was a chance, so she asked, "Is it true?" The girl: "As fat and shameless as him!"

33. My wife was having trouble giving birth when she gave birth. The mother-in-law kept persuading me to protect the baby and told me to give up her daughter. After careful consideration, I still protected the baby and the daughter-in-law passed away. After sending his wife to the funeral home last night, he got into a taxi from the funeral home with a woman. On the road, the driver took out an apple and was about to eat it. The woman said quietly, "I also like to eat apples during my lifetime?" The driver froze suddenly. "But I don't like to eat after giving birth."

34. My phone has been used for too long, and the earpiece is covered with dust, so I want to clean it up. When I got home, I said to my wife, "My cell phone answered the phone and it was tear up. It's time to wash it." Then I put my phone on the table and went to the bathroom! I never expected that all this was remembered by my sensible son! When I came out of the bathroom, my son happily took the phone out of the basin and handed it to my son and said, "Dad, I'll wash your phone for you." Looking at my son's happy expression and looking forward to praise, I almost cried out!

35. My husband was playing games in the house, and my daughter was holding a big apple next to her while eating, while watching her father. Suddenly, my daughter stopped eating, stuffed the apple into her father's mouth, wiped her stomach and said, "Dad, please help me with a few bites, I can't finish it." My husband was playing games and was having fun! I took the apple and ate it all in one go. Now, the daughter was unhappy and cried and shouted, "Who asked you to finish eating it? I just want you to eat the insects. You pay me apple!"

36. Because of her ambiguous relationship with the boss, she was fired by the boss of Greenland Group. I couldn't find any good job, so I went to the Audi 4S store to sell cars. During my lunch break today, a male colleague told me a joke.When I was laughing, I suddenly thought of something and immediately held my back and smiled bitterly at my colleague: "Oh, I haven't sold a car for so long, and I dare to laugh so hard. The boss must be slammed me to death when I hear it!" At this moment, the boss's voice suddenly sounded behind me: "Logically speaking, a girl's family can't laugh like a donkey panting even if you sell a car!"

37. My brother is a love expert. Today his girlfriend got angry with him and said to my brother, "Let's break up!" "My brother was silent for a long time and asked aggrievedly: "Can I say the last sentence?" His girlfriend: "Say it, don't let my mother-in-law and mother!" My brother: "I know how to program!" His girlfriend: "It's useless to know how to program! Now there are people who can program everywhere!" My brother blushed and continued, "I know how to program... In the fairy tale, the angel you love!"

38. It rained heavily yesterday, and the wind was blowing. After get off work, my brother went downstairs to pick me up home. My brother relies on his skillful driving skills and still maintains a high-speed running state. I was so scared that I bit my lips tightly, my little face turned pale. My brother saw that I was very uncomfortable and asked, "What's wrong?" I came to my senses and forced a smile: "It's okay, the speed and the road conditions are so fast that I'm a little scared." My brother said, "I know it's okay. Can you take your hands away now? I feel that my legs are about to be swollen by you."

39. My husband has strange ideas every day. One day, the husband was confused and asked his wife: "One man has 7 children and the other man has 7,000,000 US dollars. Who do you think is more content?" The wife said without hesitation: "Of course it is a man with 7 children!" The husband said in confusion: "Why?" The wife said: "The man with 7,000,000 US dollars wants to have more money."

40. Yesterday, my brother-in-law worked overtime at the company until late at night. When he was hungry, he went to KFC to eat. In KFC, I saw a beautiful woman about 30 years old snuggling up against a handsome young man and calling: "Dear, I'm going to sleep, I'll call you tomorrow!" At this time, my brother-in-law took out his cell phone and shouted: "I'll eat KFC in the city!" Then he flashed quickly. My brother-in-law said, "I saw unfairness on the road! I will exit when it's time to exit!"

41. Enter the elevator and pressed the tenth floor. A beautiful woman came up when she was about to close the door. She pressed the 23456789th floor. I said, "I'm sorry to bother, are you?" She smiled treacherously and said, "I can't let you guess which floor I'll go to." Wait for her to go down from the seventh floor! I looked at her slim back and sighed: "A pretty girl has a low IQ!"

42. Today is Valentine's Day. After I dated my boyfriend, he took me home and hugged me downstairs in my house for a long time and refused to let go. I whispered, "I won't let go! My dad should have seen it on the balcony, he will come down soon, you won't run away, he said, "I'll beat you to death when I see you again!" After hearing this, my boyfriend hugged him tighter and said, "I won't run away this time, I'll just hold you like this!" I was so moved that I almost burst into tears, and my boyfriend cried again, "Anyway, I can't run away even after I go back!"

43. I am a cowherd in a large nightclub, and recently I've been walking with a rich woman. Today I was calling the rich woman to have a love conversation. At this time, a beautiful woman came over in a brand new Maserati . He stuck his head out and shouted at me, "Get out of the way, I'm going to reverse the car to you." Oh my, can you still turn back against the wall? As I walked for a while, I heard a "bang", thank you for not killing me!

44. I am the son-in-law in my home. After marriage, I swallowed my anger for many years before finally getting the favor of my mother-in-law. Once when I was working outside, my great mother-in-law stuffed a bank card into my hand. Suddenly, a strong family affection rippled in my heart, instantly making me cry. . When I had no money to withdraw money from the bank, I realized that there was no penny. I called back and asked and found out that I was given a deputy card, which I asked me to pay my salary and I got it in!

45. After get off work, I was very thirsty halfway through, so I went to the small shop and bought two bottles of Yibao . There were four dollars in total, and I gave the boss a 10 dollar note. As a result, the boss said with a bad attitude: "There is not enough silver coins, I want to find paper money for you."I made a quick decision and said, "Then I only have a bottle." "So, he found me 5 yuan banknotes and 3 coins. Then, I took the 5 yuan banknotes and collected another bottle of Yibao from him. It was really satisfying to see his angry expression and unable to attack!

46. My father-in-law is a calligrapher, and a piece of calligraphy can be sold for more than 6 million yuan. My brother-in-law learned from him since he was a child and wrote good characters. Later, after my classmates discovered this skill at school, I asked my brother-in-law to help write love letters, and the reward was a pack of spicy strips.次小舅子帮一男生给班花写情书，写完之后就差落款没写，结果老师发现了。她给了小舅子2个选择，一找家长，二课间操站操场上对着麦克风朗读情书。小舅子怕被揍，果断选择后者。没错，那班花就成小舅子现在的老婆了！

47、今天一个富豪到工地里视察工作，问一个农民说：“你是农民？ Or a worker? "I heard the migrant worker answer, "The four-way appearance is not. "The rich man said: "How to say it?" "The migrant worker replied: "When it is said to be a farmer, the land has been forced to be requisitioned; when it is said to be a worker, there is no employee staff; when it is said to be a city man, the household registration is in the countryside; when it is said to be a country man, it is often in the city. "

48. When I went home for the New Year, I didn't want to get up, so I stayed in bed every day, and stayed in bed until after 10 o'clock in the morning. My mother came over and asked me: "What is the greatest animal in the world? "I replied that it was a cow, because I helped people with milk. My mother said no, "It's a rooster." ” I asked, “Why? "Mom: "When you are alive, you will wake up, and when you die, you can make a feather duster and still wake up. "As soon as he finished speaking, he waved it?

49. Yesterday I was watching " Secret Corner " at home. I kept seeing three o'clock in the evening and sleeping soundly in the morning! A man downstairs honked his horn and kept shouting: "Whose car, is there anyone who parks like this? It's blocking my car! "I woke me up at that time, and I opened the curtains and cursed downstairs: "Are you sick? It was so noisy in the early morning that I deliberately stopped the bus. What can you do to me? "The man was also very angry and smashed the windshield of the car at that time. Later, someone fought downstairs, and I continued to sleep.

50. My girlfriend and I have been together for five years. Today I am going to go home to meet my parents, but I didn't prepare any gifts, so I invited my mother's family to a five-star hotel for dinner. During the meal, my girlfriend took me to introduce and toast one by one, and finally we toast my brother-in-law. My brother-in-law held my hand and said, "I'll be better for this cabbage in our family in the future, otherwise I'll kill you to eat meat! "

51. The girl lent me 200 yuan, but she didn't pay it back for a long time. I changed the WiFi name to Qianli Jiangling. As a result, I changed it for a year and she didn't understand it. In the end, she paid me 120 yuan and asked me if I could pay the rest in other ways. I immediately rejected her. It's really natural to repay the debt!

52. I had a dream last night, and someone told me the number of color floats. Me! I went to buy it as soon as I got up, but it turned out that I really won 2 million! I went to the goddess's house happily, but the goddess turned me out! I was very confused. At this time, the goddess's neighbor came out and said to me: Young man, I want to chase someone else for only 2 million? My husband is worth 10 million! I was very sad, so I spent all my money and spent half a year! The next day I met the goddess' neighbor in the mall, and he said to me: "You should hurry up and chase your goddess! Her husband is bankrupt! "I cried bitterly when I heard this...

53. Today is Valentine's Day. My boyfriend and I were playing outside until very late. When I arrived at home, it was already eleven o'clock. I tiptoed to open the door of the house. My father was sitting in the hall with a serious face, calling me and scolding me. Ten minutes later, my brother came back quietly. I laughed secretly, and someone was sharing the firepower. My father looked up at my brother and said, "Are you back?" It's really useless! "

54. Xiao Li came to work today and looked frustrated. I stepped forward and asked what was wrong? Xiao Li said: "My wife discovered the 200 yuan deducted from the salary yesterday. "Me: "Didn't I tell you that I'll hide under the flower pot."Xiao Li said: "I just hid the flower pot under the flower pot, but my wife found that the flower pot was dead when watering the flowers in the morning. She poured out the flowers and found that my money was paid, and told me that the peanut money was paid! "

55. I worked in Yifeng Pharmacy for a day. After get off work, I went to Quanjude to buy a roast duck. When I was taking the elevator home, a handsome guy holding Erha came up. After Erha entered the elevator, he took a bite at my roast duck. At that time, I was very confused: "Handsome guy, your dog has eaten my duck, how can I solve it? "The handsome guy was a little embarrassed and lowered his head and said to the dog, "Baby, how can you eat whatever you want!" Thank you aunt quickly. "

56. My daughter was watching TV in the living room. The male protagonist knelt on one knee to propose to the female protagonist. The daughter was very envious and asked the father next to her curiously, saying, "Dad, did you kneel down when you proposed to your mother? "The father was stunned and said with a smile: "No. "The daughter asked in confusion: "Why? "The father was silent for a while, smiled bitterly, and said, "Your mother said there are many opportunities to kneel in the future! I'll be exempted this time. "

57. I came out of Suhe Bar and found a Porsche 911 parked at the door. At this time, the owner of the Porsche 911 started arguing with the security guard over the parking fee. Then, the owner took a stack of money from the car and threw it on the security guard's face. The security guard picked up the money and said to the owner: "Twist it a little more! "The owner of the car was very arrogant and said to the security guard, "Give me the money quickly, otherwise I will call the police." "Then the security guard took the money apart and threw it on the face of the car owner one by one.

58. Go to the bar to have a drink at night. After returning home, he saw his wife and his buddy lying together. He was very angry. He picked up the desk lamp on the window and smashed it on the dog man and woman. After venting his anger, I calmed down. Looking at the side, I was speechless. I entered the wrong door. I quickly apologized to my brother and his wife, saying that I had drunk high and entered the wrong house. He lived in my collar: "I understand that you entered the wrong door, but you don't know if you don't have a wife?"

59. My buddy seems to be a little unsophisticated and always has a slow reaction. After high school and not college, I found a factory to work. After working in the factory for five or six years, I can be considered as a supervisor. Recently, I suddenly fell in love with a new girl in the factory, but I don’t know how to confess. He knew that I got married early and was one of his few friends, so he asked me for advice. I smiled and told him, “Confession is very simple. You can say that, today I met a girl I like, who looks very much like you! "

60. LZ twisted her waist at work a few days ago. Today, my boyfriend gave me a massage after get off work. He pressed the iPad while watching video. My mother walked in and talked to him. She subconsciously glanced at the iPad in his hand, and then shouted at me: "Daughter, look, he is looking at other women. "Can I say that my boyfriend and I were shocked? It's indeed my real mother!

61. I found that my sister-in-law secretly added my WeChat. I reported to my wife as soon as possible. I said, "Look, is this your sister's account! "The wife looked carefully and nodded. At this time, the message came over: "Brother, this is my small account, don't let my sister know, we will contact you here in the future. "Before I was talking, she said again, "Transfer 8,000 yuan to me first. I'll use it urgently. I'll give you benefits after you turn around. "When my wife saw this, she snatched my phone and sent a voice: "Can you want some face? Can you want some face? Do you want to pry my corner of the wall? "She quickly replied: "Brother, I misread you! "Tsk, I'm not wrong at all.

62. When I went to the dental clinic to clean my teeth, the young woman who helped me clean my teeth was very beautiful.

She put on gloves and the tools were ready. I lay down and my mouth opened, but she ran away. When she came back, I teased her: "Hold your urine, are you in a hurry to go to the bathroom? "

She was stunned for a moment, rolled her eyes with a beautiful look and replied: "You have a bad breath and smell, I'll go and change to a thick mask! "

63. When I was in high school, a friend's lips were often dry and cracked. I was embarrassed to let everyone see him, a man who applied lipstick, so he often secretly applied lipstick when going to the bathroom. Once, after applying lipstick from the bathroom, a guy in the class said to his friend seriously: "I have been paying attention to you for a long time. Why do you feel greasy every time you come out of the bathroom and your mouth is greasy? ” Everyone looked at their friends.

64. I am an assembly line employee of Xiaomi. A few days ago, I was fired by the company because I stole a new Xiaomi 10 Proicon. In order to live, I had to go to , JD.com, to be a courier. I received a courier today. After arriving at the place, I asked the owner of the goods to go downstairs to help carry it down. The cargo owner said, "It's inconvenient for me now, please send it." Me, "Why are you not convenient!" The cargo owner said, "You see if it's a wheelchair written on a large box!" I nodded, "Yes!" The cargo owner cursed angrily, "Why do you think I buy a wheelchair?"

65. The rich second generation drove Lamborghini to the bar, met a beautiful woman, and took out a card. Rich second generation: "This card has 1 million. If you have dinner with me once, I will tell you a password number, okay?" The beauty was very happy and agreed without hesitation. When the fifth meal came, the rich second generation's phone could not be reached and the money in the card was gone!

66. My best friend is very diligent in Starbucks , but she is fascinated by playing with mobile phones. She plays with mobile phones whenever she has time. She was just fired by her boss yesterday. The next day, my best friend went to a pesticide store to work and was fired. I asked my best friend, "Are you playing with your phone?" My best friend said, "No!" I asked, "Then why did you quit you so soon?" My best friend said innocently, "Today a customer bought a bottle of DD , and I said something, and then I was quit." I asked, "What did you say?" My best friend said, "I just asked him, do you want a straw?"

67. A group of robbers are When robbing the bank, he said a famous saying: "Don't move all, money belongs to the country, and life belongs to your own!" After the robbers returned, one of the newly arrived master robbers said, "Boss, let's count how many robbers have robbed quickly. The old robber (primary school culture) said: "Are you stupid? So much, when do you want to count? You'll know if you read the news tonight?"

68. On this weekend, my father-in-law came to my house from my hometown, and at noon my wife made braised fish . I just took a few bites when my wife was stuck in the sting and was busy going to the kitchen to drink vinegar. My father-in-law said to me unhappily, "She can get stuck even if she eats fish. She usually eats less, right? She lacks exercise!" I was a little embarrassed and silently thought about how to answer this sentence. Then I heard: "Oh," my father-in-law was also stuck by the fish bones!

69. My cousin sells seafood. I asked me to go over and help during the holidays. After she weighed the crabs to the customer, she asked me to tie the ropes to the crabs. Occasionally, I would slip away with my hands when I took the crab, and I subconsciously stepped on it. When I closed the stall in the afternoon, my cousin handed me a bag of crabs and said, "These are all things you have to step on, so take them home to eat! By the way, I will tell you that you won't use them tomorrow!"

70. When I was in college, I was in the same university as my wife. Today, when I recalled the details of college with my wife, my wife showed me how popular she was with boys when she was in college. My wife said, "Before I met you, a boy was pursuing me crazy. As long as I liked something, he would send it to me even if it was thousands of miles away!" I asked jealously, "Who is he?" My wife said proudly, "Express!"

71. Today, the company paid a salary, and my card was only 280 yuan. I asked the cashier what was going on. She said it was the female boss's explanation. I rushed into the female boss's office in anger and shouted, "Boss, what do you mean? I A big man, give me 280 yuan a week! "The female boss glared at me and said, "It's a monthly living expenses." I became even more angry: "That is to say, 70 yuan a week... Why do I want so much money for me, a big man?" The female boss smiled and said, "You! I just like your angry and domineering look, okay... I will spend it all! It's not easy for you. You have to smoke and have breakfast a day." The moment I went out, I burst into tears! My monthly salary was originally 12K, but now it is in the hands of this girl. I will give her ten yuan a day to live. What should I do?

72. A female colleague in the company called to go to her house to play mahjong. She thought that she was bored anyway, so she went there. I don’t know if it’s a thought or something, but this female colleague lost in the middle of the night. I was thinking about playing for a few laps, but who knew that the female colleague took out a cigarette and threw it out the window.Just as she was puzzled, the female colleague said, "Dad, after smoking this cigarette, you go back first? I always lose here." As colleagues, we all know that her father has passed away for several years. Later she kept winning and winning because we didn’t dare to be confused or go home, and we kept going until dawn!

73. The second uncle brought a Yuxi cigarette that day and came to my house as a guest. After my second uncle left, I secretly unpacked a pack, then ignited it. My dad found out, he beat me up and confiscated the cigarette. My dad took the cigarette box and saw that it was Yuxi. My dad said, "I can't afford to smoke Yuxi! So he picked up the feather duster and beat me up!"

74. Yesterday, a female colleague in the company said to me cryingly, "My rent has expired, but the landlord wants to double the rent, and I can't afford it. Now I don't know what to do." Looking at the helpless eyes of the female colleague, I felt a little distressed and said to the female colleague, "My house is three bedrooms and one living room, and there are two empty houses. Why don't you move here and live there! You will only charge you for water and electricity bills."

75. After living in my hometown for two days, I was bitten by an unknown little bug. I couldn't sleep at night. I said to my boyfriend with discomfort, "I can't catch both hands, so please help me grab it quickly, and you can grab it anywhere." My boyfriend said, "Catch it anywhere, you are talking about it." I said, "Hurry up, don't talk nonsense." I saw my boyfriend hugging my feet excitedly and grabbing the soles of my feet!

76. The rich husband of her first love died of cancer. Because they had no children, she inherited hundreds of millions of inheritance alone. So I immediately pursued her again and quit my job and focused on serving her at home. When she went to work that morning, she forgot to get her bag. When I called her, she heard her say in a low tone: "Don't call me, I can't turn back." I thought she was playing roles, so I cooperated with her: "Why did you become like this overnight? Tell me why is it okay?" She turned around and said: "Don't ask so many questions, okay?" I said: "No, let me understand all this!" She said: "I'm so upset."

77. My home is in a small village in a remote mountainous area. I went to the town for a haircut on the weekend, and when I went out, I met my childhood friend. My child asked me, "What are you doing?" I said, "I'll go and cut my hair." My child said, "It costs money to cut my hair in the barber shop. Let's go to my place to cut my hair. I've just learned how to cut my hair, so I'll give you some help." I don't know who I learned to cut my hair from, and I'll pull it one by one. This is not a shaving head, it is clearly a shaving?

78. Just after I came out to work, a beautiful colleague took special care of me. After a long time, I fell in love with her, but I didn’t dare to confess my love to her because I was afraid of embarrassment.

A meal at the factory was held. During the meal, I had three bottles of Erguotou in a row. The cowards were brave enough to confess their love to her, and chased her and ran around the workshop.

The boss couldn't stand it anymore, and with a shout, several workers dragged me out. When I woke up the next day, I thought to myself that everyone knew about it anyway, so I didn’t care.

So, I gave her a rose every day, and then attached a card with three big words written on it: "I love you!" She also accepted them all.

After sending 99 roses one after another, I found that my beautiful colleague was actually getting along with a rich second generation in the factory!

79. My girlfriend disliked me for riding an electric bike and ran away with a man driving a sports car. Half a year later, my ex-girlfriend came to me with a big belly and said that I was the father of the child. I was soft-hearted and married her. After my mother learned that her wife was pregnant, she was very happy and accompanied her to have a prenatal check-up. After coming back, my mother took the initiative to take charge of her daily diet, and every meal was either chicken soup or eggs. Occasionally there is frog soup, and even vegetarian dishes are like "chicken feather vegetables, pheasant mushrooms". There was also a cocktail after the meal, so my wife had to drink it alone. I asked secretly, "Mom, why are you willing to live so much during this period? There are chickens every meal?" My mother smiled and said, "The doctor said that eating more "chicken" food is good for the fetus!"

80. My father-in-law is a university teacher. Yesterday, he told us that they had a university physical examination to check their eyesight. There was a boy with a glasses of 900, and he didn't say any of them right during the examination.The doctor who was on the physical examination said in disbelief: "Do you really can't see any of them?" The boy said: "Teacher, I can see all the first three rows, but I can't see where your stick is pointed!"

81. Our company paid cash for the salary. In the afternoon, I went to the finance office to collect the money. The cashier took a stack of money and wandered in front of me for a while, and the accountant next to me took it away. The cashier said, "Brother, you have seen your salary... it has been paid!" I looked dejected, and it's like this every month. The accountant glared at me and said, "What? Do you have any objections? Is there any problem with the salary being handed to my wife?" I hurriedly said, "No problem, no problem!" The cashier sneered, "It's a good man to hand it to my wife." As soon as he said this, the accountant and I looked embarrassed. If someone hadn't come in, we could beat her.

82. I am a top student who graduated from Tsinghua University. Now I work at Foxconn. There is a simple colleague who is a rich second generation, and we don’t believe it. Until he got married, 20 Lamborghini drove the way and booked the largest five-star hotel in the local area for 3 days. When we saw his father flattering him, we believed him. I don’t know if it’s too late to get close to you now!

83. In order to welcome the final exam of the university, I bought a book "Exam Special Exercise Questions". Then when I went to the class in the morning, I put the book in my seat and left because I had something to do. As a result, when I went there the next day, I found that the exercises were gone. When I was anxious, I suddenly saw a student holding my exercises attentively and writing, and he had already done half of it!

84. During morning rush hour, there are a lot of people on the bus. Suddenly, a girl scolded a man, "You dare to eat my tofu, you are a hooligan!" The man was not outdone, and pulled a girl next to him and said, "Do you think your appearance, your figure or any part of your body can compare to my girlfriend? Is it sick when I eat your tofu?" Sure enough, the girl was speechless for a moment, but was unwilling to give up, and suddenly said, "Who knows if you suddenly became heavy today!"

85. Staying at home has nothing to do, so I watched short videos on my mobile phone and often saw some videos of waste utilization. At noon, I asked my mother, "Is there any waste in our family? Take it out and use it." My mother looked at me and said calmly, "The only waste in our family is you. Think about how to use it yourself!" I said resentfully, "It hurts! Mom!"

86. Yesterday at home, my mother's clothes were torn. The three-and-a-half-year-old nephew said, "Grandma, let my aunt buy new clothes!" The three-year-old niece was unhappy: "Don't let my mother buy it, let my aunt buy it!" The two kept arguing and finally started a fight. As we fought, we reached an agreement to ask my second aunt to buy it! Whoever I have brought to provoke to these two children, isn’t it just watching the fun and not fighting?

87. In order to get me to go to college, my father sold all 200 cows in the family. He gives me 10,000 yuan in living expenses every month. My life is very casual and I have never eaten in the school cafeteria. That time, I went to the cafeteria for dinner and ordered a stir-fried pork with cabbage. Under my gaze, the canteen aunt's superb spoon swinging skills came on stage, which made her feel so shocked. I was a little confused and looked at my aunt blankly and said, "Auntie, I want to eat meat." The aunt looked at me and smiled meaningfully and said, "It's not good for children to eat meat!"

88. My sister-in-law took my brother's 1 million and ran away with a man. The brother was heartbroken and ran to the bar to drink. Meet a woman in a bar and took her home unconsciously! Later, the woman saw that the house was good, so she refused to leave. She helped her brother cook and clean every day at home, so she stayed there! Just as the two were living a sweet life together, suddenly one day, the woman packed her luggage and left. Because she saw the landlord come to collect the rent!

89. I paid 5,000 yuan today and asked a female colleague I had a crush on to have dinner in a restaurant. When I sat down to order, the female colleague asked the boss for a wifi password. The boss said, "LYP82NLF." When I heard this, I laughed and said, "It's so hard to remember. Boss, please change the password!" The boss smiled and said, "It's so memorable! The translation is: 'Come a bottle of 1982 Lafite' I tried to read it "Come a bottle of 1982 Lafite.""It's really easy to remember!" The boss asked, "Yes, can it be opened?" I said, "It can be opened." There was only a bang. The boss smiled and said, "Your 18,000 yuan in 18,000 yuan has been opened for you. I wish you a happy meal!"

90. I have the habit of listening to the radio every day. That day I was going out for a blind date. Before going out, I sat in front of the dressing table, put on makeup for myself, and turned on the radio. A gentle voice came out: "If the skin is pink and the fur on my face is delicate and soft, it means it is very healthy." Hearing this, I couldn't help but wipe my face, looked at the mirror, and smiled again, looking healthy and cute. At this time, I heard the announcer say, "Okay, listeners, this time our "Pig Raising Knowledge Lecture" ends here!"

91. A abbot took out 10 passbooks and said to the staff, "Password 054188, I'll get 3 million funds!"

staff was very happy and immediately took 3 million from the abbot's card and bought the fund. After

came back, the staff said, "Master, I have bought you a fund of 3 million for you!"

Abbot: "Fund? You are crazy! I asked you to withdraw funds and buy a house for my son before he became a monk!"

92. My brother-in-law drove a Bentley to a KTV and directly called a girl and asked her to sing with her.

The girl asked for a tip of 100, and my brother-in-law gave her 1000 directly. In this way, my brother-in-law appointed this girl for a week.

A week passed, and the girl asked: "Brother, where are you from, so generous?"

brother-in-law: "I am not the boss, I just collected rent in Shanghai!

girl: "I didn't expect that we are still fellow countrymen! Then why did you come to Guangzhou?

brother-in-law: "I'm here to relax. By the way, your mother is my tenant, and I asked me to bring you 10,000 yuan!"

93. My friend is a local from Guangzhou, and there are ten 20-story buildings collecting rent.

One day, my friend had nothing to do after collecting the rent, so his father bought him an extended version of Lincoln to collect garbage.

This afternoon, a friend collected rags in a community with beautiful scenery. A noble lady dragged 100 kilograms of broken paper boxes to her friend.

The noble lady asked how much it cost, and her friend said 1000.

Just as my friend was about to give her money, the noble lady said it was too expensive, about 800!

The friend was confused, and the noble lady threw 800 and left!

94. My younger brother Virgo is very clean and has a serious obsession with cleanliness. My brother has always liked to eat duck meat and never eat chicken. At noon, my mother asked him, "Why don't you eat chicken, just duck!" My brother's answer was amazing: "I have never seen a chicken take a bath. It's too dirty, but the ducks are clean and I take a bath in the water every day." It seems that it makes sense!

95. I just started working, and the company is a little far away from home and I have to get up very early every day. Today my dad called me: "Daughter, Dad bought you a car." I was shocked when I heard it. When did the family get so rich? I said excitedly, "Thank you, Dad, I'm so nice to me." Dad: "The car is in the house! Come back and try to drive it." I was a little disappointed: "But I haven't got the driver's license yet!" Dad: "What kind of driver's license is needed to ride a bicycle? I bought it for you to work." Me: "..."

96. As soon as I arrived at the office, the boss patted my shoulder and said to me earnestly: "Axiang, you are already an adult, so no matter how unhappy you are, don't write your true thoughts on your face, okay? No one is blind, you can see it." I think his words are indeed very reasonable, so today I washed off the four words "a group of mental retardants" on my face.

97. After graduating from university, I went to work in a steel bar factory and my work was very hard. A few days ago, a new financial girl came to the factory. She just graduated from college and looked as beautiful as a fairy. Every day after get off work, the financial girl would send me WeChat messages, but she would withdraw the message every time. I asked her what was wrong, but she wouldn't reply. At around 9 o'clock last night, the girl sent another "Hello". I was confident at the time and had already guessed her intentions. I attacked decisively: "What do you want to say? Say it boldly!" Five minutes later, the girl replied: "Your avatar is the same as the uncle who sells pancakes downstairs, and I often make mistakes."

98. My husband and I both work at Foxconn. The two of us earn 20,000 yuan a month in total. We have a weekend off, and I woke up at 6 o'clock in the morning and said to my husband, "Get up! Let's go shopping! I want to buy a bag..." My husband didn't move and slept until 3 pm. I stared at him tightly and said calmly: "If you have the ability, just sleep, don't get up! "

99. A brother bought stocks with his father's insurance premium and lost all of them. The brother felt sorry for the money, so he bought a store and opened a restaurant with his savings. The restaurant's business was very good, and he earned 30 million yuan a month. The brother was in a good mood and kept holding his wife and saying that she was a mascot. His wife: "Is I a lucky cat?" The brother waved his hand: "How come you look like a lucky cat? You are like a golden toad!"

100. Recently, after graduating from college, he entered a company to work. A month later, my mother suddenly asked me: "Do you have many girls in your company? "I didn't even think about it: "There are quite a lot." "My mother asked again: "Then why don't you have a partner? "I thought for a while and replied: "The company stipulates that no one will be allowed to deal with a partner! "The next day, my mother went to our company and questioned the manager. The manager was confused: "The company has never had such regulations. Your son has pursued the single female colleague of the company, but the girl doesn’t agree! ”