1. Alas! Things in the world are hard to achieve, just like taking photos of a woman! The face that is tilted by the phone at 45 degrees makes you look slimming, but your chest looks smaller! 2. Son: "Dad, I failed half of the subjects this time." Dad: "It doesn't matter, keep wo

1. Alas! Things in the world are hard to achieve, just like taking photos of a woman! The face that is tilted by the phone at 45 degrees makes you look slimming, but your chest looks smaller!

2. Son: "Dad, half of my subjects failed this time."

Dad: "It doesn't matter, keep working hard!"

Two months later. Son: "Dad, I passed half of the subjects this time."

Daddy: "Not bad, there is progress, keep working hard..."

Four months later. Son: "Dad, this time I'm only half away from all subjects and passed the exam."

Daddy: "Beautiful, son! I've said my son is the best."

3. "Hey sunny."

"Say hot words!"

"You're a little dark!"

4. Last night, my young daughter put a piece of braised pork to my mouth. Looking at her cute eyes, she instantly felt that it would be better to raise her daughter!

Seeing me swallowing in one bite, my daughter cried: "Mom, I asked you to blow on me, why did you eat it!"

5. The foodie complained: "The doctor told me not to eat this or that, it was terrible!"

immediately someone said coldly: "If the doctor says you want to eat, hurry up and eat it! That's even more terrible!"

6. In fact, the poor students all know how to persevere, and even if they are bored, they won't do their homework!

7. Recently, I took medicine after dinner yesterday, and my son insisted on making trouble and taking a pack. I said: I have a toothache, yours doesn’t hurt, why are you joining in the fun!

He said: I'm afraid of infection!

I said: This is not contagious!

He thought for a while and said: I am still afraid of inheritance!

8. I never publicly praise my husband to avoid being proud of him. However, on his birthday recently, I made an exception and praised my husband with six words: Marry a good wife!

9. A friend told me: You must be grateful in life! Who said I don’t know how to be grateful? Not only do I dare to ‘yes’, but I also dare to ‘hehe’! "

10. In an exam, a girl sitting in front of me did a very serious and careful job. And she was willing to copy it for me.

In order to avoid suspicion, I deliberately corrected several multiple-choice questions.

As a result, she fell into the class First place, I am second to last.

11. On the winter solstice, the sun hits the ground directly to the southernmost end of the year, almost directly to Tropic of Cancer . On this day, the northern hemisphere gets the least sunshine, the shortest day, the longest night, especially for people without objects, the night is even longer.

12. I look so good, mainly because I am thankful to my parents. If they hadn't given me this mouth, I wouldn't have talked nonsense here!

13. I bought a burger on the street and gave the fruit home to my second-hand husband and daughter to eat.

2 The husband said: You are young and have a lot of delicious food. It’s not too late to eat it again in the future!

Who knew that my daughter said: You are so old, you have never eaten anything delicious, and you are so embarrassed to grab it with me!

14. I heard two children talking on the bus, and a child said: "Every family has a difficult sutra to recite! ”

Another answered: “Your family is only a sutra that is hard to recite, my family is a Sutra Library. ”

15. Male: Can't you control your temper?

Female: Why do you want me to control it? You should control yourself, don't get angry with me.

16. Dad: You have to set a good example for your sister.

Son: But she doesn't listen to me.

Dad: That means you are an incompetent person.

Son: Then she doesn’t listen to you either!

17. I found a rule: a delicious and cheap restaurant is not quiet; a quiet and delicious restaurant is not cheap; a cheap and quiet restaurant is not delicious.

18.Son: "Mom, why are you mixing water into the meat?"

Me: "The dumpling stuffing that is mixed like this is soft and delicious!"

After a while, my son said as if he discovered a new world: "No wonder some people sell water-filled . It turns out that they are all sold to others for dumpling stuffing!"

19. Today I went to buy a drink with my second wife. I asked her Sprite and Coke are two liters, why does Coke seem to be less than Sprite?

second-hand wife: Because of black, it looks slimming!

20. My husband accompanied me to the mall. I looked at jewelry and asked him: "Husband, do you think I look good when wearing diamond rings, or are I look good when wearing gem rings?"

The two guys said: "It's so cold, it's better to wear fleece gloves without wearing anything."

Fener cat

(non-original, reprinted from the official account, please call me Xiangjie)