"The lost person is lost, and those who meet will meet again." ——Haruki Murakami
sometimes feel that we are like two travelers who broke into the forest of love.
met by chance, happened to know each other, and walked well, but they suddenly separated as they walked.
Seeing the empty side, I just don't want to get lost, I just want to meet you.
In love, there may not be a perfect map, but if you look at other people's paths to salvation, you may be able to find the way to take you home.
1
Mr. Lan and Ms. Li have been married for 15 years and have a 12-year-old daughter. The marriage and life of the two have always been stable, but Mr. Lan is more perfectionist in doing things. If Ms. Li does not do well, he will scold loudly.
As a result, after being scolded once, Ms. Li could not bear her husband's censure and filed for divorce. Mr. Lan disagreed and tried to repair his feelings to save his wife's heart, but Ms. Li refused.
Mr. Lan found me. Mr. Lan and I reviewed his 15-year marriage. He found that his wife really did a lot for this family, from taking care of both parents and family to taking care of his daily life, but he Repeatedly criticizing his wife, if there is a small problem, he will be pointed out regardless of his face. I have always known that his wife is a romantic person, but he has not even sent a bouquet of flowers after so many years of marriage.
After he decided to save his wife and restore his relationship, he began to learn the knowledge of intimate relationships, carefully arranged the home environment, and from time to time through his daughter, to create opportunities to communicate with Ms. Li...
Although the two divorced, Ms. Li and others The three men fell in love, but Mr. Lan won back his wife's heart through his own efforts. Z1z
2
Sister Huang and her husband have been married for 8 years. The husband does the housework, and the husband also picks up the children to and from school. When quarreling, the husband bows his head first, so that Sister Huang won’t be in trouble.
is looking at the marriage with He Meimei, the husband and Sister Huang mentioned divorce. The reason for the divorce of
was that the husband felt that he had paid so much for this family, but Sister Huang would always take it for granted...He didn't want to be patient anymore.
Seeing her husband moved out of the house after talking about the divorce, Sister Huang realized the harm she had done to her husband over the years and found me to help.
On the one hand, she seized the time to make up for her absence in life, while having a sincere interview with her husband, confessing her shortcomings, and frankly confessing that she had not been able to understand her husband well and that she had begun to learn to live a good life.
Husband did not respond to Sister Huang at first, but after more than a month, he once sent his children home to see the changes in the family. He felt that Sister Huang had really improved, so he took the initiative to return to the family and the divorce was not on the agenda again. .
sharing these two stories, what do I want to say? The key to
's successful recovery of the predecessor is that you can make changes.
Do you think I said something nonsense?
It's like we should review our knowledge if we want to get a good result, it's completely correct nonsense!
Then you think about it, when you want to get a good result on the test, did you choose to read the book and review it?
is often facing an exam. You just have to live it off. If the review can be delayed for a day or a day, and then the test is not good, just say, "Oh, it’s because I didn’t review it well." Many people at
have problems when they recover and they are taking the exam. There is no difference between a previous offender's illness. What you obviously want is recovery, but what you have done is completely different from the purpose of recovery.
They never thought that in order to save the other party, they could do something practical, just cry to the other party, "I am really too painful, I love you so much, let's not break up." If the other party disagrees , I wiped my tears and pointed at the other party and cursed, "Are you human? Are you really unsympathetic?" Some people at
made a lot of effort, such as giving a small gift that the other party once mentioned, and expecting the other party to be able Cast your arms. There are still people at
who only have one sentence from beginning to end, "I am so bad, he will definitely not want me, no matter how hard I try, it is useless." Dear
, wake up! !
If love is an exam paper, have you ever seen a boy who doesn't work hard to review and answer questions and get a high score? (It may be there, but it must not be you)
wants to ask them why this happens, psychologicallyThere is a term: self-imposed obstacles.
means to trip yourself.
people have a cognitive tendency to maintain their self-esteem and increase self-identity. This tendency often includes self-deception. Therefore, to put it bluntly, when people realize that the results are irregular, they tend to be more inclined to be an ostrich than to face difficulties. The specific reason is probably:
1, I don't want to be looked down upon by others.
People live a face and trees live a layer of skin. The old saying of
still makes sense. It is very common to be afraid of losing face in front of others, afraid that others will look down on oneself and take the initiative to restore others' virtues, and want to retain the influence of loftyness. The most common thing about
is that many men are unwilling to lower their bodies to restore their former lovers, because they are afraid of being told that they will bow their heads to women and look like men.
2, in order to take care of his sensitive and fragile self-esteem.
Face is still shown to others. The most important thing is to be afraid that you have made efforts and you have not been able to save your success. That would be a shame.
So, as long as you have a small setback, such as contacting for two or three days, the other party did not reply to you (the other party broke up with you and refused to reply to your message is normal), you will not hesitate Land finds reasons for himself to choose to shrink.
For example, a common thing among women is that men who cannot tolerate a woman's temper are not loving enough. If he doesn't love me enough, what should I do to save him? A common thing for men is that I begged her several times and never agreed to get back. This kind of woman is so unfeeling and impossible to recover. In the final analysis,
is a fragile self-esteem, afraid to face the reality that oneself is too bad in this relationship, and even timid enough to not even have the courage to work harder.
3, looking forward to pies falling from the sky. If
sets up obstacles, is there any possibility of success? Of course there are
. There will be cases where you don't work hard but your lover will turn around. After all, the answers to multiple-choice questions in the exam are all c-papers, and we have done it.
But a pie falling in the sky is always a small probability event, and even if it can hit you, it's as if you are crying and begging the other person to turn his head back. If the other person really looks back, will you be able to go back?
I say something unlucky, impulsive recombination that does not solve the problem, is to foreshadow another breakup.
So, when you really want to recover, you have to set up obstacles yourself. You still have to concentrate on self-building, find out where the problem is in your relationship, and start working hard to solve the problem. Here you can do these 3 things.
One, want to understand, for whom and for what is your redemption?
Want to make it clear that you really want to save the other person? What is the reason for the restoration? Is it because of love or not reconciled? Or do you think that the other party's departure also took away your hope in life.
Among the emotional recovery cases I received, there was one that touched me in particular.
I use one of them as an example. There is a wife who likes to scold people. Her husband can't bear to cheat during marriage. She ran to scold Xiao San, and even let her relatives and friends know about her husband's cheating.
She wanted her husband to go home, and her relatives and friends also persuaded him to go home, but her husband chose to completely cut off contact with everyone and moved in with Xiaosan. Mrs.
came to me, trying to save her husband, but she kept scolding her why she abandoned her and her children so unrelentingly. Mrs.
said that she wanted to save her husband, but everything she did, in my opinion, just wanted her husband to lower his head. To be honest, even if her husband chooses to go home, can her life go smoothly? What is the purpose of
's recovery?
Two, look at you three-dimensionally.
When most of the salvagers come to me, they are often in a state of self-confidence collapse.
One party in an intimate relationship chooses to break up/divorce, and the other party is easy to fall into a kind of self-denial. They will frequently ask themselves, is it because I am too bad to be abandoned? I definitely can't save him, I'm too bad.
But in fact, we are all ordinary people. Everyone has their own strengths and weaknesses. At the beginning, the other party was able to be with you because of your strengths? Using your strengths to attract again is the point.
I usuallyLet the salvator write down his ten strengths and ten weaknesses. Each strength and weakness must have three things to testify. If you can't find three things, cross out that strength and weakness. Z1z
is recommended to use a pen to write in this process. The writing process is a process of self-knowledge and self-exploration. In this process, you will see yourself more three-dimensionally.
Three, take the initiative to embrace change
After completing the first two steps, you should consider what changes you should make.
You spend so long with the person you like. In fact, you should know better than anyone, what she is about is not difficult for you.
Many people would like to say, alas, I didn't do a certain thing and chose to separate.
or change yourself with the reason the other party said to break up.
I can say that the reason the other party used to break up is probably prevarication. So, to review your past, think about their daily complaints, and then make the necessary changes is the key.
When you have done these three things, you will have a high probability of understanding how you are going to take the first step of recovery, that is, to make changes.
You may think that what I am talking about today is nothing more than a question of mentality building, which is a very simple thing.
However, when very simple things are implemented in our real lives, there are often thousands of people, everyone has their own problems, and specific problems can only be analyzed in detail.
is like a recovery mentality. If you fail to do well, basically you have not been able to figure it out yet.
psychological test: Test your probability of recombination after breaking up
After breaking up, have you ever thought about how likely two people will recombine? This set of test questions will help you test the probability of recombination after breaking up. Let's try it together!
1. Do you still have the contact information of your ex in your phone?
A. Yes (5 points)
B. No, all deleted (0 points)
2, what is the reason for your breakup?
A. Objective reasons, the family disagrees (1 point)
B. Long-distance relationship, no future (2 points)
C.TA thinks I have a bad temper and our personality is inappropriate (3 points)
D. There is a third party involved in our relationship (0 points)
E. After we quarreled, no one wanted to bow their heads, and broke up in anger (5 points)
F. I think TA has a bad temper and always complains and gets dumped by him (6 points)
3, the following four In this way, if you had to choose the one you most agree with, which one would you choose?
A. A person who loves another person should love all of TA, no matter the advantages or disadvantages, otherwise it will not be called true love, at most it is like (2 points)
B. Although feelings are your wish, but the matter is artificial, The other’s love can also be controlled. As long as the other’s psychological needs can be met, love can be guided (4 points)
C. Twisted melons are not sweet, if they don’t want to get back together, I respect their thoughts (1 point)
D .The emotional world can never be equal. The person who wants to reconcile must not hesitate to pay (6 points)
4. In expressing one thing, what do you value more?
A. Accuracy of speech expression (2 points)
B. Strong impression of speaking to the other party (1 point)
C. Whether the people around you feel comfortable with the words spoken (6 points)
D. The ultimate result of the words spoken Goal (4 points)
5. What do you think of your basic emotional characteristics:
A. Seriously emotional, often unable to control your temper (0 points)
B. Strong self-repression ability, calm on the surface, but the inner emotions fluctuate greatly, once Contusions are difficult to heal (2 points)
C. Everything is a cloud, and it is not easy to get angry. Friends praise the good temper (6 points)
D. Feelings are not muddy, more direct, but once unstable, it is easy to get agitated and angry (3 Points)
6. Have you ever saved your predecessor?
A. Recovered, but was rejected, and did not continue to recover (4 points)
B. No, I don’t know what the other party thinks, so I dare not speak (2 points)
C. I have recovered several times, but the other party is very repulsive and blocked. , Don’t want to see me again (0 points)
D. tentatively opened the mouth, but the other party thinks that we are inappropriate and hopes that I will find happiness.
