text/Xingzhi online Su Jin
I have heard too many married wives ask me the same question: I got married because of love, why did love suddenly disappear after marriage?
01
I would rather him cheat,
would not want him to treat me like this
@小婉35 years old married 4 years
married 4 years, we have been together for 2 years of asexual marriage, but this is not the most desperate for me... ...
When we fall in love, we always talk about the future life. He said that he would work hard to make money to support our small family, and I only need to do what I like at home. On the day when
received the certificate, he also gave me a "Deed of Selling Life", which read: From now on, I will hand over my wealth and life to my beloved wife, and will never regret it.
recalling the past, I still find it hard to believe. It was such a humorous man who loved me and pushed me into the abyss.
After getting married, I became a full-time wife, and he entered the company he wanted to do. All this looks the same as we planned before, but everything after that has to start with his female assistant. The female assistant
is not very old, but she will please my husband in particular. Normal work contact is nothing more. I called my husband on WeChat at one o'clock in the morning, and asked him to help one and the other.
husband is already busy at work, and our couple life is getting less and less. She always used that tone to harass my husband in the middle of the night. That day, I was anxious and asked him if I could stop working after ten. He didn't expect him to reply to me: This girl is young and self-motivated, so she should help her more.
I also suspected them before, so I secretly checked his mobile phone, but found nothing, but was scolded by him. We had a big quarrel, and since then, our relationship has grown further and further apart. After
, he started to work day and night, and I can't control it. I just hope that he can spare a little time to accompany me. Later I found out that only when I asked him for money, could he care a little bit about what I bought recently and what I did.
Until one time, he thought I was too big-handed and said that I cook and buy vegetables at home every day, how can I spend so much money.
What I am looking forward to is that when I ask him for money, he can ask more about what I did today. However, what I got in the end was: You are not as good as the little girl in my company!
I'm really broken now. Compared to his cheating, I can't stand the way he treats me now, indifferent, asexual life, what kind of couple are we?
02
In marriage,
talks about these three things carefully
The intimate relationship between partners can be divided into several stages: sweet romance, conflict, integration and commitment.
is a sweet and romantic period at the beginning of marriage. At this stage we will imagine the future, believe that life will get better and better, and believe that love can overcome everything.
But due to different living environments and different personalities, soon we will usher in the next stage: the conflict period.
At this stage, the marriage relationship will be full of countless secrets, which can easily cause a great impact on the couple's emotions. Some of the main secrets are money, sex, and cheating, and these are the three dilemmas of intimacy.
Xiaowan and her husband are just at this stage, and if they are not handled properly at this time, it is easy to break up their marriage. So when discussing these three things, be extra careful.
Especially when communicating with your husband, you must grasp the following principles.
03
frank and in-depth exchanges,
is a good way to ease the relationship between husband and wife
1, directly indicate the need for a partner
Many full-time mothers have expressed that they are not taken seriously at home. This is the sense of dependence and low value derived from the involuntary independence of the economy.
Xiaowan and her husband were still relatively equal at the beginning of their marriage, and her husband would take the initiative to submit a "deed of sale" to please her, but after a few years of marriage, the family status changed.
In the case of sexual orientation, she still uses money as a bond to maintain the relationship, which will make men even more despise her status and right to speak. Behaviors like
not only fail to make your partner care about yourself, but also widen the gap between yourself and your husband’s expectations of women.
Therefore, it is the best choice to show directly to your husband that you need the respect and love of your partner.
2, talk about married life with a calm mind
Nowadays, many couples still avoid the topic of sex life. And in the traditional way, men are more dominant in sex, and women are passive in cooperation and shy to talk about sex and enjoyment.
When we discuss this issue, we must have a safe, honest and open discussion space. And have the courage to express your needs.
The biggest problem with Xiaowan and her husband is that both of them are avoiding this problem. When Xiaowan is not satisfied, she will directly involve the female assistant, which is easy to arouse her husband's resentment. And Xiaowan’s husband always uses work as an excuse to avoid the normal life of a couple. After becoming a husband and wife, you must be sincere and calm with each other, and avoidance will never solve the problem.
3, communication derailment issues should be sensible
derailment damage to the female soul is too great, it will bring a total denial of the self, trust and security are destroyed, like tearing pain, a strong sense of depression and loss. The impact of derailment on men is more of anger, a sense of betrayal, avoidance of not wanting to face it, and questioning their sexual charm.
When I found out about the derailment, the first decision before my partner was whether I still want this relationship, repair or let it go? This requires a deliberate decision, evaluation and long-term consideration in a calmer emotional state.
started to investigate her husband secretly after a little disturbance. This behavior undoubtedly pushed him to a third party. So please let go of your anger of being betrayed first, and don't judge potential third parties in front of your husband with subjective emotions. Be a descriptor of objective facts, let the other party understand what is wrong with his behavior.
04
The ideal marriage status,
is the cooperative company
The ideal marriage status is the cooperative company, two people have complementary advantages, mutual frankness, trust and support. The goal of the marriage cooperation company is emotion, deep truth and close connection. The subconscious motivation also sees that a unified marriage relationship will bring prosperity to the family.
The needs of each other in the relationship must be seen and understood. People often think that "he loves me should understand my heart" and they are also afraid of expressing the need to be rejected and denied, afraid of hurting each other, afraid that they are not good enough and not worth being cherished. It is to communicate honestly and deeply, express emotions directly and truthfully, and dare to face the weak and not good enough.
I hope you can cherish marriage, manage love, and will not give up impulsively, but you will not make unnecessary persistence.
