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In life, you originally had high expectations for one thing, but you just kept putting it off, and you would always make excuses for yourself every time you wanted to do it. As a result, it was getting further and further away from your original idea...
You clearly know that reading is a very meaningful thing, which can not only increase your knowledge, but also improve your cognition and ability, but you just can't do it.
delayed what had been planned for a long time until it became Marshall Plan . And you are still blaming yourself in your heart, why are you so lacking in self-discipline?
Your parents have always hoped that you could find a suitable partner and live a happy life, but they often put all kinds of pressure on you according to their own wishes. Over time, your heart changes, and finding friends becomes a task that you hate being assigned, and you put it off again and again.
If you start from the wrong point, it will be even harder to find someone you like.
I originally wanted to get up at six o'clock every morning to work and exercise. I would find various excuses for myself at that time every morning. Occasionally getting up early has become an obstacle to not achieving the weight loss goal even if I exercise...
In fact, these procrastination phenomena caused by behavior and heart have not escaped the four reasons proposed in " The Psychology of Procrastination ": lack of confidence in success, dislike of being considered to be assigned tasks, distraction and impulsiveness, and goals and rewards that are too far away.
So, how can we conquer this procrastination mentality and return our lives to a normal state of self-discipline?
"The Psychology of Procrastination" provides us with various methods and experiences.
is written by Jane Bock and Lenora Yuan, two consultants who have been engaged in psychological research for 30 years. It has a Douban score of 8.2.
There are psychological reasons behind all procrastination. If you fully understand the fundamental psychological factors of procrastination, you can conquer procrastination through behavioral changes, thereby finding a way that suits you and getting out of the cycle of procrastination.
Below we will elaborate on the main essence of "The Psychology of Procrastination" from three aspects.
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1, how do we procrastinate behaviorally and psychologically?
2, How do we become procrastinators?
3, How do we conquer procrastination?
First, let’s look at the first problem, behavioral and psychological procrastination.
Generally procrastination goes through the following seven stages: This time I want to start early; I have to start immediately; so what if I don’t start; there is still time; there is something wrong with me; the final decision: do it or not do it; I will never procrastinate again.
From these seven stages, we can see that psychology affects behavior. Every step is wanted to start, and every step gives oneself a reason not to start, so procrastination forms a vicious cycle.
So why does this create such a vicious circle?
Behaviorally speaking, there are several aspects: fear of failure, pursuit of perfection, fixed mentality, cultural pressure and avoidance of success.
David is a lawyer at a large firm. In college, he performed very well academically and was admitted to a highly competitive law school.
He often struggled with procrastination. Sometimes he had to stay up all night to write case summaries or cope with exams. He wanted to make his court arguments impeccable.
But faced with the complicated and numerous clues, he felt that it was simply unbearable. Although he tried to make himself look busy, he knew that he had not accomplished anything and felt like a liar.
As the trial date approached, he became extremely panicked because he did not have much time to write a proper case summary, let alone an excellent case summary.
Dai Wei wants to be an excellent lawyer, but why does he delay to avoid his dream?
Because he gave a failure judgment to his performance, and this judgment made him so afraid that the more he judged, the more afraid he became. He would rather procrastinate, even facing catastrophic consequences, to avoid being judged by others for his best performance and panic.
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Panic caused by fear of judgment by others is actually caused by lack of confidence in success.
Confidence is reflected by self-worth, ability and performance.
The level of ability determines the value of a person. In other words, the stronger the ability, the higher the sense of self-worth.
For David, his performance in writing case summaries not only measures his ability as a lawyer, but also his value as a person. If he tries hard to write a summary and is not impressed, he will be ruined, which means he is a person who cannot achieve anything.
For perfectionists, psychologists distinguish two types: one is adaptive and the other is maladaptive. Adaptive perfectionists have high standards for themselves and believe their performance can match them. Maladaptive perfectionists also have high demands on themselves, but have no hope for themselves.
Perfectionistic procrastinators often have too high expectations of themselves and are not realistic enough.
For example, a woman who has not exercised for many years wants to improve her body shape in two weeks; a first-time novel writer wants to make her first manuscript meet the publication requirements; a college freshman who does not understand time management and study skills hopes that his grades in all subjects in the first semester will be excellent...
These high standards that could have stimulated motivation have become requirements that hinder them from being able to achieve even if they put in their efforts.
When people face failure, they have two different mindsets: one is a fixed mindset, and the other is a growth mindset. People with a fixed mindset believe that intelligence and talent are innate and fixed.
The core belief of the growth mindset is that abilities can be developed, and through hard work, you can become smarter and better.
Ethan is a middle-level manager of a bank. He has a stable job, a wife who loves him deeply, and a warm family.
Ethan's job involves many things, including making decisions, managing subordinates, planning and budgeting, holding meetings, etc. He is afraid that he will be fired if he cannot always perform well at work.
The pressure to be in good competitive shape all the time was too much for him to bear, so he began to procrastinate, not writing documents that should be written, making phone calls that should be made, making decisions on personnel matters, and delaying preparations for meetings.
However, he was also afraid that his procrastination would be discovered and that he would be fired.
If one thing is not perfect, Ethan feels that he will be fired and will be ostracized from the banking system. After all, who wants to hire a lazy procrastinator?
If you can't make money and can't find a job with the same high salary, your wife will lose her temper and even leave. Without a family, what's the point of living?
Ethan's mentality of making a fuss out of a molehill is actually a fixed mentality at work.
If Ethan starts to question his own judgment, will a poorly run meeting really get him fired?
Then, he finally saw clearly that there was still a long way between calling a mediocre meeting and losing his job, his wife and his hope for the future.
In this way, he will transform into a growth mindset.
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If you go one step further and transform your fixed mindset into a growth mindset, then you may see imperfection in a new light.
Because it is your motivation to improve yourself and learn new knowledge, it is not a fatal blow.
Cultural pressure: Each of us is affected by the cultural norms, gender roles and economic status in which we live, and our chances of success are also affected by them. These effects are beneficial to some people and detrimental to others. For many procrastinators, cultural influences can also cause inner conflict.
There are three psychological reasons for avoiding success:
Success requires too much effort, which discourages me; success is dangerous, and someone will always get hurt; success is a forbidden area, and I feel that something is wrong with me.
Lily's parents own a grocery store, and she helps in the store every afternoon. When
was a junior in college, her mother fell ill. Her mother encouraged her to stay in school, but her father hoped that she could go home to take care of her mother and help in the grocery store.
She not only wants to realize her mother's dream, receive a good education and become famous, but she also wants to win her father's approval.
Unable to make a decision, Lily became unable to concentrate on her studies at school and would procrastinate on her homework.
Her grades dropped sharply, and she even faced the risk of not getting a degree and being forced to drop out of school.
Lily's academic dilemma reflects her inner conflict over whether to continue her studies or shoulder her family obligations.
In fact, she used procrastination instead of choice.
Choosing to procrastinate means choosing to leave the original path of success through schooling, resulting in a sharp decline in grades, facing the possibility of not getting a degree, and getting farther and farther away from success. This kind of procrastination actually means avoiding success.
The psychological reason for procrastination is that procrastinators regard procrastination as a battlefield for control.
Lindsay is a programmer who is often late or leaves early and often asks her coworkers and managers lots of questions instead of finding solutions herself.
Once, Lindsay applied for a job, which required knowledge of a certain computer language, but she did not understand this language, but she guessed that the company would provide training for her after work.
She thinks that she is very smart and learns things quickly, so she usually does not need to participate in training to improve her abilities, and there is no need to waste time and money on it.
Lindsay spends money lavishly as if she already has a job.
She often borrowed money from her friends and said, "Can you lend me some money before I find a job?"
Her friends kept reminding Lindsay to "be realistic," and Lindsay said, "I hate reality."
She was obsessed with her own imagination of things, and used procrastination to numb herself when facing reality.
Some people just can't accept the facts that they must face, and procrastination is their "weapon" in fighting reality.
These behaviors and psychological procrastination cause us to have trouble with the success of various goals we want to achieve.
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So, how do we become such procrastinators?
There are four reasons why we gradually become procrastinators.
lacks confidence in success; hates being assigned tasks; is easily distracted and impulsive; goals and rewards are too far away.
Lack of confidence in success: Lack of self-esteem is a major cause of procrastination. Whether you have the confidence to succeed and whether you feel you have a certain value are all shaped early in life.
We are born to seek connections with others, so mothers will have an impact on their children, making them a person who can regulate their emotions, trust others, have a good impression of themselves, and maintain optimism and hope.
These abilities are the basis for self-confidence and self-esteem.
If parents are depressed, prone to anger, busy with affairs, or indifferent to their children for some reason, then the children will not get what they want from their parents' reactions.
They also don't see themselves as lovable and popular.
On the contrary, they will think that they are redundant, disappointing or even the source of all evil, or an ornament used to show off.
These early disharmonious exchanges will have a great impact on the child's brain, self-awareness and self-confidence, and also pave the way for future procrastination.
Distracted attention and prone to impulsivity: Attention deficit disorder means that a person has no ability to inhibit.
cannot respond immediately to the present and lacks the ability to self-control time and the future.
Adam is a child with attention deficit hyperactivity disorder .
has just learned to walk. Now he climbs the bookshelf, now he imitates police car sirens, and now he takes things apart.
He could never play quietly alone, and his family often got angry with him and scolded him.
At school, Adam could not sit still and spoke indifferently. Teachers often complained to his parents about problems with his behavior.
Later, he began to forget to do his homework and could not remember the exam dates.
His parents fought with him every night over his going home to do his homework. Only by forcing him could he sit down and study.
Later on Adam he started procrastinating on everything he thought was boring.
hates being assigned tasks: There are five basic family tendencies, namely pressure tendency, suspicion tendency, control tendency, attachment tendency and alienation tendency, and the accompanying inner fear causes procrastination.
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These five tendencies exist to some extent in every family.
Pressure tendency: Some families with outstanding achievements passed down from generation to generation naturally expect their children to achieve a career; sometimes parents are not satisfied with their own lives and status, and put their expectations on their children to make achievements; advantages do not count, they must be perfect; defects are unacceptable.
When suspects that dominates the family, parents will say, "What are you proud of? This is just a ball game."
Children are constantly making progress, but instead of encouraging them, parents are critical and blame their children.
In this case, the child will not suspect that there is a problem with the parents, but will doubt himself.
Control tendency: Only when what a child does arouses the interest of adults, adults will encourage the child, which prevents the child from building confidence based on his own interests.
Some parents go too far and dictate to their children, thinking that they can decide everything for their children.
What to do, what to wear, how to behave, who to make friends with, etc., they want their children to carry out without question.
Parents often do not realize that they are controlling their children. Instead, they feel that they are protecting their children, or using their own wisdom in life to prevent their children from making mistakes.
There are also parents who feel they have the right to control their children.
Children who are dependent on their families always receive a lot of help. Nothing can be done by themselves, so they cannot build confidence in their abilities. Therefore, they not only avoid the challenges of life, but also shirk things that need to be done independently, avoiding them.
Children from attachment-oriented families will feel that they are needed too much at home, so they cannot leave the family. If they do manage to leave the family, a deep sense of guilt will linger in their hearts and they will not be able to let go.
Some Alienated families In family members there is a lack of physical care and emotional connection, no common interests, and no feeling of protection.
Everyone in the family actually lives in a separate world.
People rarely express emotions, or even mention them; if someone has worries, everyone just pretends that they don't notice, and will look down on people who express worries.
neither asks for help nor provides help to family members.
The last one is that the goals and rewards are too far away: it doesn’t feel real, and it doesn’t feel meaningful.
When you procrastinate on something, all of your past history comes vividly to mind. You may have a clear idea in your consciousness of what makes you so fearful and uneasy.
So we need to take action and change procrastination.
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How do we conquer this kind of procrastination?
Select your goals and plan accordingly.
Learn to judge time and use an unplanned schedule:
Take everything in your life into account: work, scheduled meetings and appointments, classes and social events, exercise, meals (including preparing and washing dishes), housework (cleaning, laundry, shopping, etc.), dedicated time for friends, partners or children, sleep.
You can use the weekly unplanned calendar to track your progress. After working for half an hour, cross out the corresponding half-square on the schedule.
works for one hour and the entire grid is painted out. Then, add up the time you spent working on your goals that week.
Learn to accept support from others and accept challenges for personal growth. Make friends who are positive and make you better, keep your room tidy, and avoid being addicted to electronic gadgets.
Exercise and mindfulness.
Sacred Pause Method: Pause deliberately and consciously for a moment before engaging in an activity or moving to the next stage. For a few seconds, pause and notice your breathing and the sensations in your body. Come back to the present moment as much as you can.
Heart energy adjustment technology : By deliberately paying attention to your heart, you can adjust your heartbeat rhythm. A smooth and regular heartbeat rhythm can bring you a sense of harmony, lightness and energy, which are all related to positive emotions.
Benson Relaxation Technique : Use abdominal breathing Inhale and exhale slowly and evenly, and with each exhale, repeat a word that makes you feel comfortable.
In addition, you need to get enough sleep, eat foods that can provide nutrients to your brain and body; limit the intake of caffeine , alcohol and other drugs; maintain a good sex life.
Keep a pet Both dogs and cats have a positive impact on blood pressure and cardiovascular health.
Friends get together , play more, spend more time enjoying the fun of life.
Ok, that’s the main point of this book. Let’s briefly recall the three issues discussed.
1, How do we procrastinate psychologically and behaviorally?
If we bravely face challenges without fear of failure and look at problems with a growth mindset, procrastination will gradually go away from us.
2, How do we become procrastinators?
Human procrastination is actually a congenital recessive gene that is present from eight months of age, so procrastination in adulthood is also the result of the activation of this gene. Therefore, procrastination is formed in the behavioral and psychological aspects of later growth.
3, how do we conquer this procrastination?
Make plans for your chosen goals, make good schedules, and in a healthy state of mindfulness and exercise, your life will be meaningful.
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Conclusion : "The Psychology of Procrastination" says: Procrastination is a complex psychological problem. It is a problem of how a person gets along with himself, and it reflects a person's self-esteem problem.
Our goal is not to eliminate procrastination, because many times it is better for you to leave something on the shelf. On the contrary, we hope that this book will make you more accepting of yourself and let you control your own choices and gains and losses.
Each of us will procrastinate to varying degrees in life. On the one hand, it excessively displays various psychological and behavioral deficiencies.
On the other hand, procrastination sometimes changes to varying degrees the immature elements of prompt decision-making and avoids the negative consequences.
As long as we recognize the reality clearly, accept the reality, understand procrastination psychologically and behaviorally, change procrastination, and refuse to procrastinate, life will definitely get better and better and more meaningful.
