Psychologist Adler said: "Fortunate people are healed by their childhood, and unfortunate people are healed by their childhood."
Some girls were not valued by their parents when they were young, and lacked love in their native families. In addition, they read little and have a shallow understanding of people and things. When they grow up, they are easily moved by a little concern from the opposite sex and mistakenly think that they have met true love.
only realized after getting married that he was just the reincarnation of 's tragedy .
This is the case for Li Yan, a girl who lives in northern Jiangsu. She got together with her husband Lao Li at the age of 19. She thought her life would get better, but unexpectedly she fell into a bigger dilemma.
01. Lack of love, a little love is enough.
Li Yan was born in the countryside. She is the second child in the family, with an older sister and a younger brother.
Since she was a child, her mother had no energy to take care of her, so she would be sent to her grandma's house to live during the winter and summer vacations. Although her grandma felt sorry for her, her aunt's face was not good-looking, and her grandma did not dare to be too nice to her.
For example, when frying a plate of chicken, the chicken legs and wings would definitely not be Li Yan's turn. All she could eat were the tips of the wings and the chicken neck. Her aunt even said in a flattering way: "It's rare for your family to eat chicken. Only in my family can we often eat meat. I've gone all over the country to ask if there is anyone as easy-going as me who can raise my granddaughter to be fat."
Li Yan didn't dare to say anything. She would not take the initiative to eat chicken again. In order to reduce her aunt's dislike, her grandma asked her to do more housework.At such a young age, she has already tasted the feeling of being dependent on others.. She can sweep the floor, wash dishes, and wash the family's clothes, but she never dares to enter her aunt's room because her aunt won't let her.
When she was in middle school, Li Yan didn't want to go to her grandma's house and offered to help her parents with housework at home. Of course her mother was happy and praised her for being sensible. Li Yan thought that as long as she worked harder, she would be recognized by her parents, but she was still disappointed.
After graduating from junior high school, Li Yan was admitted to a high school. When the admission notice came, she excitedly showed it to her parents. Her mother glanced at it and said: "For girls, it's enough to graduate from junior high school. Your dad and I didn't even finish elementary school. We don't make money the same way." Your aunt has agreed to send you to learn tailoring skills, and you will earn a lot of money after completing the course."
Li Yan felt very sad. She tried hard to convince her parents that she wanted to study, but she was afraid when her mother lost her temper. You are not sensible at all. Your sister is going to college and your brother is about to enter high school. The house at home is leaking and is about to collapse if it is not opened. When money is everywhere, can't you help me share the burden? Look at the girl Wang next door who went to the south to work early. She still knows how to buy gold earrings for her mother? What's the point of raising you? "
After being retorted by her mother, Li Yan did not dare to say anything. What her mother said was the truth. The conditions of her family were indeed not good. In addition, her father was ill and could not do heavy work. The whole family relied on her mother to support her. It was inevitable that she would have a bad temper.
But she also had grievances. Why could her sister and brother study but she couldn't? She knew it was useless to argue. No one in this family cared about her feelings.
Li Yan hid her admission notice. Before the summer vacation was over, she went to learn a trade with her aunt. Her aunt advised her: "Yan girl, study hard and learn how to go to work in a big factory. The salary will be very high." , and craftsmanship can last you a lifetime, better than a diploma."
Aunt said it makes sense. Li Yan studied seriously and learned the tailoring technology in 3 years. She actually went to the south to work, and she met the technician Lao Li.
02. Regret, marriage is in trouble
As a newcomer, Li Yan is very diligent in the factory. Although
has average skills, he has a good attitude and is willing to work overtime. He was praised by technician Lao Li.
Lao Li is responsible for the technical guidance of the assembly line and has a small amount of power. Li Yan respects him very much and will take the initiative to ask him for advice when she has questions. Lao Li sees that she is diligent and will look next to her when she has nothing to do. When she is not busy, she gossips, everyone laughs and relieves the fatigue of work.
Sometimes, there is a need to try on clothes in the sample room. Lao Li also recommended Li Yan to try on clothes, telling her: " has a good relationship with the designer and will recommend you to make sample clothes later. The work is easy and the salary is stable."
For Lao Li's help Li Yan was grateful for the help, and Lao Li always waved his hand and said it was nothing. We were acquainted by fate, and we should help each other. In addition to work, Lao Li also cared about him in life. Once he was running late and had to work overtime. After finishing his work, he specially called Li Yan to stop for supper, saying that life must be balanced between work and rest to make life interesting.
As the relationship increased, Li Yan became more and more dependent on him, and felt that Lao Li was a trustworthy person. Lao Li took the opportunity to confess his love and won Li Yan's heart. At that time, Li Yan was only 19 years old, an age that was ignorant of emotions.
Only after she found out she was pregnant did she dare to tell her parents. When her parents learned that Lao Li was divorced and had three children at home, they immediately refused. However, Li Yan insisted. Seeing that her daughter’s belly was getting bigger, her parents asked for a gift of 60,000 yuan, which was regarded as acquiescence to their marriage.
After getting married, Li Yan realized how difficult it was to be a stepmother?
First of all, it is an economic burden.
Although the three children live with the elderly, they need a fixed monthly payment for living expenses. Lao Li has little salary left. After Li Yan's child was born, renting a house and living expenses made the two people's lives stretched.
Secondly, it is the children's sense of hostility.
We all know that most adolescent children are rebellious.
If you have no relationship with your parents, your rebellious mood will be even stronger. When Li Yan walks into their family, the three children cannot understand their feelings. They just think that she has stolen their father's attention, so naturally they have no good feelings towards her.
To be honest, Li Yan also knew that the family had a heavy burden. When her children were a little older, she tried to find ways to go to work and earn money, but she still couldn't win the trust of Lao Li's family, and she felt chilled.
03. Divorce, endless disputes
Marriage is different from love. No matter how romantic the relationship is, it will fall into the trivial matters of daily necessities.
In order to balance family and work, Li Yan went to get a driver's license, rented a car, and worked shifts with her husband during the day and night. She needed to take care of her children during the day, so she was responsible for the night shift.
Lao Li discovered that Li Yan had changed. She would always dress up when she drove a taxi, and sometimes her face would be very happy. He observed carefully and found two tickets to a midnight movie in Li Yan's bag.
He couldn't bear it anymore. He was already tired from running for a taxi. Who would want to go to a midnight movie? There was only one answer, and that was that there was someone outside Li Yan. In order to find out who the other party was, he secretly pulled up Li Yan's phone list, found a frequently called phone number, and dialed it. Sure enough, it was a man.
When Li Yan came home, he asked what was going on. Li Yan told him frankly that she was just an ordinary passenger. Seeing that she was working hard on the night bus, she was going to introduce her to a job. The reason why she called was to talk about work.
Once suspicion is planted, it is difficult to let go.
Lao Li thought that Li Yan had changed her mind and could not get any concrete evidence, so she would often lose her temper for no reason and attack Li Yan. In the photos that Li Yan kept, she was beaten until her nose was bruised and her face was swollen, which was very pitiful.
The two eventually divorced. It stands to reason that since they are separated, they should live their own lives well, but Lao Li is unwilling to accept it. He often harasses the other party and admits that he deeply loves Li Yan and hopes to remarry.
Li Yan shook her head and refused: "I don't love you, maybe I have never loved you from the beginning. The reason why I am with you is because I am young and ignorant. Now I just want to live for myself."
After listening to her words, many netizens sighed for her.
Li Yan's family of origin created a lack of love. She couldn't tell what love was and what care was. When she met Lao Li, who was a little nicer to her, she thought it was love.
She has no one to discuss with, which also puts her in a difficult situation when she is pregnant. Get married, life will be difficult, if you don't get married, it will make people laugh, and she has no choice.
After getting married, she realized that she did not love the other person, but because she offended Lao Li, she was injured again and again in the other party's violence. Even if she got divorced, she could not completely get rid of Lao Li's entanglement.
She is clearly in her early 30s and looks ten years older than her peers, but at least she understands and dares to refuse, and is no longer influenced by other people's words and deeds.
Li Yan admitted that she really has nothing to do with her customers, but she hopes to meet someone who truly loves her, because she feels that life should not only be forbearing, but should also have expectations.
bless her! Meet your own happiness as soon as possible.
