text\Coffee, Jiang Zuo Mei Niang
saw a story online, the general meaning is:
A netizen has been with his best friend for 12 years. He was unhappy about something. Four months later, he wanted to invite the other party to be his bridesmaid and took the opportunity to rehabilitate the old, but found that he had been deleted by his friend. The person who was bound to youth was suddenly unbound and was very uncomfortable.
I remembered a sentence: The separation of adults has always been silent .
did not say hello, did not say goodbye, from talking about everything to not replying to information, from being inseparable to being strangers, slowly quitting each other's lives. The further you go, the more you find that many people are never seen again as they walk.
Master Feng Zikai said:
"When I was a child, I always thought that being friends would always be friends. When I grew up, I realized that where can we come from forever between people. If we can accompany each other on a certain road, it is already warm."
Everyone has their own time zone, and not all friends can go hand in hand with themselves.
Some people can't keep up and can only accompany themselves for a while, and cannot ensure that they can go all the way to the end.
the only thing that can be done is to not ask questions, cater to, not expect, and not force separation to get together.
01 Don’t ask, give each other a decent
Xiao Min is a colleague I met in the talent recruitment market with me. At that time, we had just graduated from college and got into the same city.
She got from rural Shanxi to a big city, and she was simple and kind by nature. I treat her as a sister, and she will come to my house to live on weekends. She is inseparable from each other and talks about everything.
Later, she was transferred to an important technical department.
When she asked her to have dinner together, she always said she was busy, either in a meeting or working overtime...
is like this, we contacted less and less, and even the information that was returned in seconds in the past has now become quiet and has not been read.
It was not until one time when I and my colleague went to do business. After passing by her unit, I went to see her. But I couldn't contact her phone and couldn't find her. After asking her colleague, I realized that she had resigned.
At that moment, I was a little stunned and felt that the relationship was still good before. Why did she disappear without telling me anything?
My colleague said to me, "Maybe she doesn't want you to know something about adults, there are many hidden things."
I was relieved.
"Border Town" says:
"Don't ask about other people's past, that may be a memory that you never want to touch."
Yes, maybe there are some things that others don't say, but they have their own considerations; others don't contact you, but they have their own reasons. Only by not asking questions can they keep their decency.
The relationship between adults is to be united and to break if it is not united. There is no need to care too much, there is no need to worry or doubt. After all, he has also warmed his life.
What's more, time passes by like a flash of time, and in the end, those people and things we once cared about will become calm.
02 Don’t cater to it, everything goes with the flow
New Oriental live broadcast room, Dong Yuhui self-destructed:
"I often can’t find people who have a similar personality to my personality, especially those with sound views and rational views, love to read, and have deep words, so I often have no friends."
From childhood to adulthood, his personality seems out of place with the people around him. When others are having fun in groups, he always looks worried and thinks about topics that his peers don’t understand.
He is always alone, even though he is 29 years old now, there are very few friends around him who can chat with him normally. A friend with good relationship took him to a party and wanted him to make new friends.
He found that everyone likes to brag about each other and say what you like and what I like. This kind of unnutritional chat made him feel meaningless and left directly.
In the eyes of others, he will not be able to make new friends if he does this, and he will even lose the person he originally met.
But he did not regret it. For his dating standards, he only pursued: similar values and deep chat, not saliva.
I really appreciate his "not cater to" view of making friends with the flow.
3 Zhou Guoping once mentioned:
"All good friendships are formed naturally and are not deliberately sought. I also think that no matter how good friends are, they should have distance. Friendships that are too lively are often empty."
Yes, we don't have to change ourselves for others, and we don't need to ignore our feelings in order to cater to others. A person’s life is not easy, so why bother and suffer to himself?
Everyone is unique. If you bloom, the butterfly will come. Those who like you will naturally get close to you. Those who don’t like you, why should we waste our lives on them?
Be brave to be yourself, do what you want, make friends with the people you want, and try to live the way you want. You will find that you will save more time to manage yourself and live more freely.
03 If you don’t expect it, you will not rely on
The so-called friends are just the icing on the cake. If you can have
, you can naturally open your sincere heart and welcome you unlimitedly; if you can't walk with each other, don't put too much hope on the other party.
Colleague Xiaoying has a good relationship with her best friend. She often gets together from her college dormitory to her later marriage and having children.
However, a while ago, Xiaoying's family had an accident and urgently needed 30,000 yuan to turnover. I found Xiaomin, but Xiaomin said she was short of money.
Logically speaking, Xiao Min, who is a medical company in Laoxuan, lives a wealthy life, and borrowing these tens of thousands of dollars is not difficult, but Xiao Min evases her words when she talks about borrowing money and stammers that she has no money.
Seeing that her best friend refused, she didn't have the nerve to ask again. Later, because she couldn't make up all the money, her house was almost mortgaged.
Until one day, Xiaoying saw her best friend posting a selfie of her new car in her circle of friends, and her heart suddenly felt sad:
Although she had no reason to ask others to help her in times of crisis, she also hoped that her best friend could lend a helping hand and give herself some support.
As soon as money is involved, you can see who is the confidant who treats you sincerely. After this incident, the two originally close friends also parted ways.
Everyone will encounter some ups and downs in their life, and perhaps no one will help, no one will support, or even no one will care about it. These are the norm. Don't blame others, let alone overestimate your relationship with anyone.
When you lower your expectations, all encounters in life are the basis of surprises; when you grit your teeth and endure them, you will understand that the most worthy of life is yourself.
04 Mei Niang said
Xi'an Rongbo Khenpo wrote in "Sequential Flowers Bloom":
"The most unforeseeable thing in life is meeting, because you don't know which look is the beginning. The most unforeseeable thing in life is separation, because you don't know which moment is separation. Life is, having it, losing it, choosing, and giving up."
Yes, every stage of life, you will meet different people.
Maybe you were intimate and talked about everything, but when each other was at a fork in the road, you must learn to let go.
Gathering and dispersion are the norm in life. For the rest of your life, please don’t have to invite too many people into your life. The best way to get along among adults is to stay together without forcing them to get together.
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