A person, always walking alone, is naturally very cold. The words and laughter are surging, and the sounds are even more embarrassing and sad. "Even if you are in the same eye, you will be unable to calm down."
Or, repeatedly streamline, and spread the vast thoughts in your heart into a thin sentence, "It's good", "I won't reply", "It's okay"...
is like an annotation.
is like a stamp.
Just like in " Big Journey to the West ", Tang Monk, who stands at the end of the story, no longer talks or talks nonsense. He always speaks, only says two words.
It is not scary to die alone in your old age. What is scary is that you still live a lonely life after getting married until you die. And doubly is the root of all these tragedies.
In countless marriages, they either were destroyed and returned to the starting point, or they ended up alone and ended up well in loneliness.
Loneliness will never be easily let go just because you get married. He will parasitize on you in another way that you are willing to take the initiative to accept, and bind you with moral and legal means in the form of morality and law.
Recently I watched a short video, and the relationship between husband and wife is also a microcosm of most young people's married life.
The most interesting thing is that there are no more than ten dialogues in the entire video, but you can feel the most real marriage life in this silent and depressing atmosphere. The wife in the
short film is forced to go out to work while breastfeeding. After a busy day, I returned to the crowded residence and couldn't rest and had to clean up the room and take care of the children. Work and family are connected, and they are often physically and mentally tired.
My husband is not well off and his work is not going well. When he returns home late at night, he still needs to deal with a lot of things. His careless personality always ignores his wife's feelings. The conflict between the couple is caused by misunderstanding and deepens in misunderstanding. The scenes in the
short film are also a microcosm of the daily lives of thousands of families. Women often give up their jobs after marriage because of having children; and return to their families because of taking care of their families. After marriage, men have to earn money to support their families and work hard to advance. They are under a lot of pressure, but they cannot be described. In this case, the small conflict between husband and wife will be infinitely amplified. A sentence or an action can become a straw that breaks the camel's back. At the least, there will be quarrels and cold wars, and at the worst, there will be divorce.
How many invisible ups and downs a girl can grow up and grow up.
is heartbreaking to read, but it is true. Not only do girls have many difficulties in growing up, but they will also make more efforts in marriage and family.
Ten months pregnant, be filial to parents-in-law, raise children... It is not easy for girls to do any of these things well, and there are endless sadness and grievances behind everything.
Sometimes, facing all this, I want to escape countless times and cry countless times. But as long as you have a word of care and understanding from your husband, you will feel extremely relieved.
However, the reality is like in the short film: when the husband returns home, he throws his clothes and shoes around, and when he lies on the sofa, he plays with his mobile phone, completely ignores his wife who is also busy for a day.
So, the wife dropped her husband's phone, and all the grievances, anger, anxiety, and depression broke out in silence.
But even so, in order not to wake up the child who was sleeping soundly in the crib, the wife did not even dare to cry, and could only let tears flow on her face.
People's hearts are slowly cooling down. There is no moment of discouragement? Some are just seeing through it over time.
is like an avalanche. It is a process from quantitative change to qualitative change. During this process, the amount of snow continues to increase and reaches the critical point, and eventually collapses completely.
All this has been brewing in secret. A gunshot and a scolding in the valley are just the cause of this disaster.
There is a saying that no matter how loving a couple is, they will have the urge to strangle each other countless times in their lifetime.
Bi Shumin wrote an article "A good marriage will die, bad marriage will die", which reads:
Marriage is not just happiness, it is a festival, a love affair between two people, a sharing of life and death, it is still a test, a torture, a destruction of familiar life and the establishment of a new model, and a recombination of both parties that contain wisdom, courage, and personality will.
Indeed, the most important thing about a good marriage is that both husband and wife learn to communicate and understand correctly, understand and cherish each other, and do not take each other's good deeds for granted. No one can avoid quarrels in life, but what cannot be separated and cannot be separated is the true relationship.
symbiosis seems to be a high concentration of relationship state together. But the essence of symbiosis is that the baby feels that the mother is one, and does not differentiate into two independent people. The essence of the relationship between is me and you. I can confirm that I am a subject and see you as someone else who is different from me. Only such two people can build a real relationship. My love and hate for you is for you. And the symbiotic state is that I regard you as a part of me, and my love and hate for you are actually for myself.
Freud said that if a person can bet on others, this is an objective psychological state. If a person cannot bet on others, he will withdraw his bet on himself and form primitive narcissism. The mental state of having an object is the core of establishing relationships with people. Primitive narcissism cannot have any relationship with others, and it cannot have a sense of connection with others.
The symbiotic state in marriage means that one party cannot perceive the other party as someone else who is different from himself . The most typical manifestation is that the strong need for a partner to meet his or her imagination and cannot tolerate differences. And put your needs first:
Your understanding of me must make me feel understood.
What you care about me should make me feel cared for.
Your concern for me must make me feel cared for.
The importance you attach to me must make me feel valued.
This high demand for partners is the demand for babies for their mothers in the early stages . Babies cannot understand that mothers have their own ways, their own preferences, and their own affairs. Because in the early stages, babies cannot regard their mothers as independent others. With the combined effect of sufficient satisfaction and appropriate setbacks, the baby gradually realizes that the mother does not always think as she wants, and it forms that the mother is the mother and I am my distinguishing function, that is, differentiation.
Marriage provides a field in which people can practice distinguishing me from you and learn to differentiate. We even need to experience some loneliness in marriage to help us learn differentiation. feels lonely, but it is just the price of differentiation.
Once we are too afraid of loneliness, we will try our best to refuse to experience it and lose the opportunity to become an independent self. Just like people in marriage, in order to avoid loneliness, they try their best to control their partners in order to
to make them meet their expectations, but they still feel lonely in a symbiotic state.
Few people can survive the differentiation smoothly. Past repetitions will happen again and again. The feeling of loneliness is the shadow of human existence and a part of us. People are complete because of it. Because of fear, wanting to separate loneliness from yourself and throw it out will create a stronger loneliness.
From the perspective of existence, a person's life must have some experiences and experiences that cannot be shared.At some point, no one knows who you are, nor who you are. This experience of being independent of the world and independent of others can make people feel like they are dying.
However, it is this kind of falling into endless darkness, similar to the experience of losing connection, that gives people the opportunity to face a sense of demise, or even a sense of emptiness. It is also in the terrible sense of emptiness that one can realize that one is not a baby and will not collapse because of the lack of a mother.
Only when we travel through the darkness and still live in ourselves can we grow into independent people with peace of mind.
Wang Kar-wai has a classic line: "Love is a matter of key, and it is impossible to know too early or too late."
But I have always been afraid of being too late when I know someone. I was afraid that he had been hurt and shed tears, afraid that he had suffered from insomnia late at night, and I was afraid that there was an impossible person living in his heart to rely on a wine glass to fall asleep. It’s not that I’m jealous, but that I just feel that time has cruelly worn away his sincerity. How much pain did he hurt at that time? If I met him earlier, even if I couldn't protect him from safety, I could still be careful to avoid his wounds when being friends.
But I know someone, and I am afraid it is too early. I am afraid that everyone will be proud when I am young, I am afraid that I will not cherish it and always look forward to the next one, and I am even more afraid that I will not have enough affection, gentleness, patience and seriousness to be kind to someone, and I am afraid that I will leave halfway through if I agree to have a long hair.
Just now, there are too few things like this, so few that no one knows what is just right. You have to test carefully, want to be free and accompany you, so that it will take a long time to determine whether you want to like it.
But it doesn't matter, "Many things need to be done in one night, and we are not in a hurry."
Maybe many people have said they like you, but they haven't seen anyone stick to it. Why not try it this time, maybe the time is right.
