1. Exchange philosophy in life
First, let’s tell a story "Who to play for"
Psychologist Desi once told such a fable:
There is a group of children playing in front of an old man’s house, screaming and shouting.
A few days have passed and the old man can't bear it.
So he came out and gave each child 10 cents and said to them: "You make this place very lively. I feel that I am much younger. I would like to express my gratitude for this little money."
The children were very happy, and they still came the next day, playing as usual. The old man came out again and gave each child 5 cents. 5 cents are OK, the child still left happily.
On the third day, the old man only gave each child 2 cents.
The children were furious, "It's only 2 cents a day, do you know how hard we work!" They swore to the old man that they would never play for him again.
Here we briefly extend Homans' exchange theory - attack and approval proposition.
When an individual's actions are not rewarded or punished unanticipated, anger or aggressive behavior may arise;
When an individual's actions are not rewarded or exceeded the expected value, or are not punished in the expected amount, he will be happy and psychologically agree with this behavior.
In this story, the old man transforms the children's internal motivation - playing for their own happiness into external motivation - playing for cents;
In this process, the old man cleverly arranges the gradual reduction of the reward, which will naturally arouse the children's dissatisfaction.
2. What is social exchange
In fact, in essence, exchange originated from life first, but it is not limited to economic phenomena. Its shadow can be found in all social life. The philosophy in life can be summarized by the philosophy of "exchange".
Homans integrated the discovery of anthropology and the viewpoints of psychology to establish a theory that explains the interaction patterns of general human society.
As shown in the figure, the possibility of an action = value × probability, and whether an individual acts depends on the two factors: the probability of success and value.
The value and probability are affected by cultural and social structural factors.
If the reward is of high value but the success rate is small, this will reduce the possibility of taking such behavior;
On the contrary, valuable and successful rate will increase the possibility of this behavior.
3. Prisoner's Dilemma and Exchange in Love
Some people may ask: Love is full of sweetness, prisoners are full of struggle, what can the two have?
First of all, let’s talk about the “ Prisoner Dilemma ” of Nash . Just like most of the police and gangster movies you see, two suspects will be isolated and interrogated after being arrested.
If both people confess, each party will receive an average punishment, but the total punishment is maximized. However, if one party confesses and the other party does not confess, the party without confesses will receive the maximum punishment.
If neither party confesses, the total punishment will be obtained. Therefore, when being interrogated, the psychological test for the criminal is quite strong. Generally, the criminal will not take the greatest risk to bear the responsibility alone, and will choose to confess. This is consistent with the previous text.
Then, we From the nature of social exchange, there is actually no difference between couples and prisoners. Both are in a state of social exchange. Couples exchange emotions, gifts or obedience, and prisoners exchange trust and game.
Here, we can also give an example from the movie:
song and dance film " La Liga City " tells a romantic and realistic love story that happened in Los Angeles. Sebastin and Mia met many times. Sebastin loves jazz , dreams of opening an jazz club, creating their own music, Mia strives to audition, and two people who want to become an actor and stick to their dreams together (representing that they are in the same social status) fall in love.
Two people who are not happy to pursue their dreams, insist on their dreams in the "love" (mutual exchange) given by each other.
Due to an opportunity, Sebastin joined a band and became a hit since then. The two spent less time together and conflicts arose. Both sides believed that their efforts did not receive the recognition and reward they deserved, and the virtuous cycle of exchange was broken.
Mia also ushered in a turning point. In the face of dreams and reality, she chose to pursue her dreams. The exchange between the two stopped and the relationship ended.
We can see that there is also a game between couples:
When one person impresses another person, he (she) is a difficult and extremely desirable love wealth, and ultimately winning the full benefits of his (her) relationship is not completely impossible to achieve, then love may happen. His (her) attraction makes the pursuer obey his (her) his (her) wishes for important rewards, and desires to impress him (her) and make him happy in order to inspire an exchange that can ensure that he (he) receives these rewards.
In the early days of falling in love, due to the rejection and the sense of dependence caused by the increasing attraction, the intensity of the lover's concealment of emotions from the other party (even themselves), they often express their attraction in a half-truth or fixed way. The purpose of this is to find out whether the other party bears some responsibility before taking on a serious responsibility.
If the clues are not drawn from the other party's reaction, the vague responsibility implied may be laughed out; if the other party assumes the responsibility, they will stabilize this responsibility. Love is in a dilemma, and the attraction between lovers depends on the reward they expect and experience in a loving relationship, which is the product of their experience itself and their evaluation of the experience.
So the dilemma arises: the rewards that are easily obtained will reduce the value of the rewards themselves. Social pressure in this dilemma will reduce the tendency to express deep feelings early.
The exchange in love is dazzling, but the rules of marriage are clear. United Nations demographic data shows that countries with first marriage age generally have men and women. So why does this happen? Generally speaking, older men are stronger than young people in terms of their economic strength and social status. In exchange, younger women usually exchange younger and more beautiful and stronger fertility. Therefore, marriage is actually an expression exchange (including love) and an instrumental exchange, and it is not entirely love.
