Text/Marriage relationship with Yusi
is a relationship that is difficult to evolve, because when it comes to love, it often cannot withstand too many tests.
Once thought that if you marry the wrong person, you just need to change one and you will get better. In fact, this is not the case.
There is no perfect lover in the world, and there is no flawless marriage.
Too many marriages have nothing to do with love. If you don’t even see yourself clearly and don’t change yourself, you will find that you will be the same as anyone else in the end.
In " Besieged City " written by Mr. Qian Zhongshu , it tells the truth about many marriages, such as "Marriage is a city, people in the city want to come out, and people outside the city want to go in." In fact, in addition to this sentence, there are three other sentences, which are also worth pondering.
1. Need to guarantee, seek marriage and ask for
"He didn't know that when a woman is happy in love, she couldn't think of those things. She had to be suspicious and fearful, so she would ask men to get engaged and get married as soon as possible. Love is so guaranteed."
This sentence is the thought of Fang Hongjian after kissing Su Wenwan under the moonlight.
At this time, Fang Hongjian was deeply in love with Tang Xiaofu, but he still could not resist Su Wenwan's tender offensive.
Su Wenwan has no shortage of suitors, but her mind has always been on Fang Hongjian, just because Fang Hongjian is a good marriage partner.
Unfortunately, Fang Hongjian doesn't love her, and he won't marry her. Under such a beautiful moonlight, Fang Hongjian did a foolish thing and immediately regretted it. He thought Su Wenwan would bring up the engagement, but he was wrong. Miss Su was immersed in the victory of love at this time and had no time to worry about anything else.
Only those women who are afraid and insecure will ask for marriage at this time. The truth of
is also interpreted in modern times. Many women want to get married not because of love, they just want to gain a sense of security through marriage.
There are many successful women among them. They earn more than men and are more responsible for their families than men. They just need the shell of "marriage", so they can't wait to find a man to marry, even if the shell is very fragile.
Although most of us lack a sense of security, the way we ask for it is unreliable. When the other party can no longer satisfy your sense of security, both sides will suffer losses.
Therefore, many women always compromise, give in, and ask men to turn back when there are problems with their marriage. Isn’t this a kind of chronic destruction?
After all, marriage is a process of knowing oneself. It is not that your sense of security will be satisfied after marriage. Only when you are an inner peace and happiness person and can give yourself a sense of security will you be satisfied.
2. Don’t hate it, you can also get married
"Marrying does not require too great love. It is enough for each other to not hate it."
Love and marriage are two different propositions.
Fang Hongjian did not receive a renewal in Sanlu University , so he went to Chongqing to find Zhao Xinmei . He learned that Zhao was also getting married, and he was very moved.
In Fang Hongjian's opinion, Zhao Xinmei does like that girl very much. When talking about her, she uses relaxed and pleasant words, but it only happens. Just like she is with Sun Roujia , she doesn't hate the other party and is ready to get married, and she doesn't have the same kind of joy as she did when she treated Tang Xiaofu.
When we were still young, we were prone to love without regard for consequences and act casually without considering too many realistic issues, and we can also ignore gains and losses. Even if we return empty-handed, we feel very happy.
But marriage is different. Marriage is essentially a transaction, and it is recognized and advocated by all levels of society.
In marriage, if you want to cooperate and win-win, you must weigh the pros and cons and consider in many aspects whether the other party meets your needs.
Marriages do not consider pros and cons, because of differences in certain aspects, the barriers will always exist, and eventually greater conflicts will break out, and some contradictions cannot be resolved.
In " My First Half of Life ", Yishu wrote: "Marriage has nothing to do with love. People always think that after a relationship matures, they will get married naturally, but they don't know that marriage is just a way of life. Everyone can get married. It's very simple, and love is a completely different thing."
"We love some people, and others marry and have children with us." Having enough love does not necessarily mean getting married. Even though they don't love, they are bound together for the rest of their lives.
In marriage, if two people have the same lifestyle, they will not live too badly.
3. Disappointment is the necessity of marriage
"To be honest, no matter who you marry, after getting married, you always find that you are not the original person you marry, and have changed to another one."
Before Fang Hongjian and Sun Roujia got married, Sun Roujia mistakenly thought that Fang Hongjian was a doctor of studying abroad and was gentle and elegant. Fang Hongjian thought Sun Roujia was gentle and considerate, not bad.
After marriage, Sun Roujia found that Fang Hongjian was very cowardly and a cowardly person. Fang Hongjian also found that Sun Roujia looked ignorant on the surface, but in fact she was very independent and stubborn, so stubborn that no one could speak.
Soon, their marriage became messy, and the two parted in unhappiness with emotional outbursts again and again. The same is true for marriages in reality.
Many women are very disappointed after marriage, from shouting, "He held me in his hand before marriage, but he became more and more impatient with me after marriage" to "This is not the marriage I want", so they understand that the greater the expectations, the more disappointed it.
In the book "Intimate Relationship", Christopher Meng divided intimate relationships into four stages: splendor, disillusionment, reflection and revelation.
At the beginning of a relationship, the attraction is very strong. Both parties reveal their best side and have high expectations for their partner. Even if you accidentally reveal your shortcomings, the other party will not care.
But as we get along more and more, especially after getting married, some people will take off their disguise and turn back to their original appearance, which will inevitably release their own shortcomings.
At this time, you will find that the other party is not as good as we imagined, so you are keen on transforming your partner, so you have quarrels, cold wars, disappointments, and even despair.
Sun Roujia and Fang Hongjian are like this. Even if the two people who were once as sweet as honey had experienced the chaos and chaos in life, they would have a high probability that they would not be the same person in their eyes.
In fact, as long as you don’t really marry the wrong person, disappointment itself is not terrible. The key is to keep low expectations, change yourself, slowly get in, and manage a good marriage.
Conclusion
In "The Siege", Mr. Qian Zhongshu habitually exposed the truth of love and marriage. It seems ironic, but in fact it is sad.
But in reality, Mr. Qian Zhongshu and Yang Jiang have been together for decades. They have made each other a successful career and become the best confidants and the best couple.
After all, like human nature, marriage is so cruel. Most people's marriage seems to be dominated by themselves, but often it is "just because they are in this mountain" and they are confused.
For women, should they get married? Who are you marrying? We must understand the cruelties of love and marriage.
Only after being clear can we better deal with problems in marriage. After all, behind a happy life is often full of ups and downs and worries.
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(all the above pictures are from the Internet)
