The reader wrote to me and said:
After graduating from university, he went to work in the provincial capital of his hometown. In the second year of work, I met my first love boyfriend through an online social platform. After the two of them started a romantic relationship, their relationship was very stable, and to be precise, he was very nice to me. During this period, we rented a house and lived together. Strangely, during our dating, my boyfriend never mentioned getting married. When I was 26 years old, I couldn't hold it anymore and asked my boyfriend: Is it interesting to have been in love like this and never consider getting married? At this time, my boyfriend told me the truth: when he was in love with me for three months, he explained our relationship to his parents, but his parents disliked my hometown in a small county town and my parents did not have a stable job, so they opposed us being together. My boyfriend really wanted to marry me, so he kept spending time with his parents, but he couldn't get any results. You should know: my boyfriend does not have a formal job, and we will need the funding of his parents for getting married and buying a house in the future. Based on comprehensive considerations, we chose to break up peacefully. After breaking up with
, I was in great pain and asked for a long vacation from my unit. I lived a drunken and dreamy life in the rental house every day. I wanted to call my ex-boyfriend several times, but I finally held it back. Later, I encountered an opportunity to transfer my job back to my hometown. In order to escape this sad relationship, I said goodbye to the provincial capital without hesitation and returned to work in the urban area less than an hour away from my parents (I am a bank employee, and many people are eager to transfer from the urban area to the provincial capital, but I will do the opposite). During this period, I rented a house less than 10 square meters in the urban village and started a brand new life. A friend around me said to me, why don’t you rent a commercial house? For me, living environment is really not that important because my life is very simple: work, sleep, go shopping, and be dazed.
My neighbor is a housewife and he is also quite enthusiastic. Because I prefer to eat rice, every time she cooks rice, she will ask me to go to her house for dinner (we mainly use pasta ). Over time, her husband and I became friends who could talk about everything. Her husband drives a taxi and is very manly in both appearance and work. I don’t know if it was because I was lonely for too long or because I fell in love over time, but I actually fell in love with my female neighbor’s husband. The frustration of loving but not expressing my love makes me unable to sleep or eat. I want to ask, what should I do to make myself return to rationality?
Muzili Emotional analysis:
You are actually still sober and rational. At least you know that you love someone you shouldn't love, so you did not confess to the other party. It also explains another thing: when you have a new need for love, you are quietly walking out of the shadow of the previous breakup. You may be seriously hurt by the previous relationship, which has led to you being a little rejected by love over the years. You will deliberately block those men who have a good impression of you in your life, until you meet the elder brother next door and you find that you actually believe in love. You need to understand that if you confess your love to the elder brother next door, you may be rejected in exchange for being stubbornly rejected. At the same time, you will be humiliated by his wife, or the elder brother next door will tie you to your side and be a mistress, and then kick you out after several years.
Your mentality towards the elder brother next door: like, want to have; if you truly develop a lover relationship with the other person, your mentality will change accordingly: you want to possess the other person absolutely, and hope that the other person can give you a title. Once the other person cannot give you the fulfillment, it will be another hurt related to feelings for you. What's more, it will also affect the happiness of the other person's wife and children. Don't you think it's cruel to do this? The key is that it will also ruin your reputation. Since you know that this relationship is wrong, you must reduce your dealings with the elder brother next door in your future life. If you have already controlled your emotions and still cannot get rid of the so-called unrequited love, please change your living environment and block and delete all contact information of the elder brother next door.
With the lessons of your ex-boyfriend's love experience, you should understand the truth: 1) A forced melon is not sweet, and it is likely to become a bad peach blossom in the end; 2) Falling in love with a married man will not only ruin your reputation, but the key is that you may also be hurt in the end. To this end, when choosing a marriage partner, people need to follow several principles: 1) Your love partner must not be the opposite sex with a family; 2) After two or three months of love, you should meet each other's parents. During this period, if the other party refuses to see the parents, or because the other party has not considered you as the marriage partner at all, or the other party has already told his parents about your affairs, but his parents are opposed. My more inclined advice for love that is opposed by parents is to break up.
In the process of selecting marriage partners, we have rejected some people, and some people have rejected them. A broken heart is also a human nature. During the relationship after establishing a romantic relationship, all I can do is to have a clear conscience. After all, some relationships will indeed appear "inappropriate". In this case, separation is the best ending. After a breakup, you can reflect on your attitude of managing love, especially when you know that you have obvious shortcomings, give appropriate fine-tuning. If you do not have obvious shortcomings, don’t give excessive self-doubt because of breaking up. Choosing a marriage partner is originally a multiple-choice question, until you meet the person who can form a marriage result, it may be the right encounter.
There will definitely be differences between people, and it is inevitable that some friction will occur during the interaction. But don’t make a choice, knowing that it is a mistake, but you are immersed in your own obsession and unwilling to look back. The love disaster you encounter in this situation can only be worthy of it. I often hear some women sigh like this: I fell in love with someone who cannot love. At first glance, this woman is quite affectionate and sad. But this emotion cannot withstand careful consideration at all, because after falling in love with a married man, you also need to consider the feelings of the other person’s wife and children. If you can examine this relationship from the perspective of the other person’s wife and children, you will find that you are actually a dirty existence and you should not let the relationship begin at all, and there is no need to be sad because of this mistake.
Many times, we can’t forget someone, isn’t it because we can’t let go of our obsessions? In fact, without too much involvement, the method of forgetting someone is very simple: no longer contact you from now on, even if you can occasionally encounter it, please avoid it. Over time, you will find that when you no longer have to be obsessed, the person who makes you deeply obsessed is not that important. It’s like: when you break up with your ex-boyfriend, you will be particularly sad. When you recall that past now, you may have quietly become an inconsistency. In fact, the indifference to your ex-boyfriend is also formed invisibly. For this reason, don’t feel that you can’t forget someone. All you need is to drive away your inner demons.
Postscript:
needs to be admitted that love does show magic at some times. You know that the other person doesn’t love you, and you know that there will be no result when you are with the other person, but you are just willing to invest in this relationship. That's because I didn't feel the pain of hitting the wall in a greedy state. However, some people can control themselves well in a wrong relationship, while some people like to immerse themselves in painful thoughts. For this reason, some pain is something they ask for and can only deserve it.
There are always people who can only see their innocent in life, but ignore their behavior and behavior that have caused harm to some innocent people. What I want to say is that as an adult, don’t let yourself live too selfishly. Obviously, many things can be seen by thinking from others’ perspectives, and you must make yourself unhappy with the behavior of hurting others. Once you end up becoming a rat crossing the street because of greed, being beaten is the end you should get.
(The picture is from the Internet, the picture is irrelevant)
