The reader wrote to me and said:
When I was with my ex-wife, because she was so sensible, many times, I felt that I did not feel needed in this relationship. When my marriage life with my ex-wife came to the fifth year, I filed for divorce, and my ex-wife did not engage in any entanglement or retention.
I even roared and said to my ex-wife: Why can’t you scold me every time I come back drunk and late? Why didn’t you keep me when I filed for divorce? My ex-wife told me casually: We are all adults. We will have a scale in our hearts about what we can do and what we can’t do. You have made the decision to divorce. Do you think my retention will be meaningful?
Half a year after divorced my ex-wife, I met my current wife. During our relationship, she was a tormenting little goblin. I especially enjoyed the dependence on me by my current wife in life. However, after I really lived together, I realized that my current wife was a bit too clingy and even made me feel suffocated.
The daily life of being with my current wife: she would quarrel with me because I was drunk and late; she would quarrel with me because I went to my parents' house more times; she would have to video calls with me every two or three hours when I was on a business trip.
Two different marriage experiences have made me gradually understand one thing: the state of being with my ex-wife is the comfortable state that couples should have. I need to admit that I did not cherish the more sensible ex-wife who showed me in front of me. I regretted it, but I had no regrets to take medicine.
Maybe, I am tortured by my ex-wife in various ways, just retribution for not cherishing it. Although my current marriage life is very tiring, I am not going to get divorced, because my current wife also has her advantages: she is good-looking, has a good figure, and is very delicious in cooking.
Muzili Emotional analysis:
Your ex-wife's indifference or sensibility will indeed make men crazy, because in this relationship you can't feel the feeling of being needed at all. Your ex-wife gave you too much freedom, which led to you not having much presence in that relationship. Your current wife is obviously not mature enough, or she loves you very much, which leads to her being more clingy in front of her, and to be precise, she is more dependent on you. In this case, although you feel a sense of existence, you also feel suffocating. So, you are a little tired of your current life. It can be seen that in a relationship, the timing is very important: love is too free or too full, it will make people uncomfortable. In other words: sometimes people are very difficult to serve, or there is no perfect person at all.
In life, we often sigh: if we can combine the advantages of one person with the advantages of another person, it will be a relatively perfect result. Remember, the so-called perfection is sometimes just a more ideal assumption. Perhaps sometimes you will feel that your ex-wife and your current wife are two people who are more extreme in your cognition, so that you can see the so-called advantages and disadvantages in both of them. At this time, you need to remind yourself: your current wife is not the third party between you and your ex-wife. The divorce from your ex-wife was also a product of careful consideration after a long time of confusion. The truth you need to understand at this time: Since living with anyone, there will be some crazy elements, and you cannot learn to be tolerant, it is your problem.
In other words: Over the years, you have loved yourself so much. You are only willing to stay in an environment you think is comfortable. As long as the words and deeds of some people around you make you feel a little uncomfortable, you will doubt and deny some people around you. What I want to say is that where does life come from so much comfort and satisfaction? As long as you are in a more comfortable state in most cases, your life will be perfect. Of course, the minimum communication is needed between husband and wife in the process of running a marriage. When some of the other half's words and deeds make you a little crazy, you can also try to form effective and calm communication with the other party. Perhaps the other party's warm reminder will invisibly make corresponding fine adjustments to what you mind.
In fact, if two people are together, if they do not have the feeling of love or the factors of hatred, but the involvement of interests, responsibilities and obligations is left between the two parties, which is the more comfortable state of being together. The key is that sometimes people still hope to be valued by their partners in the emotional field. The main reason why you and your ex-wife divorced was not that your ex-wife was sensible, but that your ex-wife did not love you so much, which made you feel frustrated many times. Now the point that causes you to be dissatisfied with your marriage life: your current wife loves you so much that when she is bored, she wants to say some nonsense to you. Maybe her disturbance to you is a bit frequent, which makes you feel that she has become a burden to you sometimes.
Scenes often encountered in life: 1) Some men will receive two or three calls from their wives when they are drunk with their friends, and the purpose is to urge men to go home quickly; 2) Some men, although their mobile phones are not silent when they are drunk with their friends, their wives will not call themselves no matter how late they go home. In these two different situations, the former makes men feel upset, while the latter makes men feel disappointed. In fact, the management between husband and wife is usually the two extremes of being upset or losing. When you love, you will be upset, and if you don’t love, you will be lost. After seeing the reality of some scenes between husband and wife, what you need to adjust is your attitude towards your lover, rather than expecting your lover to live like you desire.
Some people are quite strange: when your lover is enthusiastic about you, you dislike love for many things; when your lover is indifferent to you, you dislike love for you but do not care for you. The key is that sometimes it is difficult for a lover to figure out when and when you don’t need to care, so that the lover’s performance in front of you can only show his true feelings for you. Except for those who get married for the sake of getting married, the purpose of getting married is to give their parents and the world an explanation, so that they cannot show enthusiasm from the beginning of their marriage life. Most people will be clingy after getting married. The reason why they don’t care about their lover later is because the impatience that their lover responds to their enthusiasm makes them feel disappointed.
Postscript:
When facing a lover, people usually have this idea: they always feel that other people’s lovers are particularly sensible and that their lovers are particularly ignorant; or they feel that other people’s marriage life is particularly happy and that their marriage life is particularly unhappy. What I want to say is that what you see is the appearance of other people's marriage. The real situation is: 1) Everyone will have their own madness in their marriage life; 2) They may also be the object of envy in the eyes of others.
Many people will lose confidence in their marriage life after having a divorce experience. Or when I first got divorced, I did have the idea of never touching love in this life. But the real life we see is: Even if many people have had divorce experiences, the result of reorganizing their families will still be formed in a few years. This phenomenon fully demonstrates that quarrels between two people and their lives are better than a boring life for one person. In this case, when your lover has no particularly obvious shortcomings, learn to be tolerant, so that you can have a good situation.
(The picture is from the Internet, the picture is irrelevant)
