out of context, the moon in my heart, in out of context teahouse
"This summer of 2022, I miss you so much."
That summer of 2020, my mother answered a phone call, and later, she told me that the third grandma was gone.
01
The sunshine this year is still so dazzling. I opened my fingers and faced the sun. The golden light passed through the gaps of my fingers, reflected on my face, and was cut into shapes one by one.
Before, I always liked to do this, but my third grandmother was afraid that I would be stabbed by the sun, so she always hurriedly covered my eyes and covered them tightly, so that I could clearly feel the Fine lines and rough cocoons.
Grandma seems to dislike staying at home. In the early morning, the sky is slightly bright, and the mist condensed in the sky has not yet dissipated, with a hint of coolness.
She walked out of the yard early and sat on a big rock next to her that was slightly higher than her knees. This time she sat down, only when sunset and dusk would she slowly walk into the house with her cane.
I once snuggled in my third grandma's arms. She always let me sit on her lap with love. I like to touch her hair. The hair that shines with silvery white in the sun looks like a different kind of beauty, with only a few sparse black hairs, as if it is a stubborn resistance against time.
In my impression, the third grandma is already very old, and in the surrounding area, there are few older than her.
Her eyes are very beautiful, with double eyelids, just the right size. When she smiles, her eyes bent, like crescent moons in the sky, wrinkles spread around her eyes, like a few clouds next to the crescent moon, making her feel warmer and more accented.
Her teeth fell a lot, and there were almost no one left in front. When talking, her lips opened and closed, and when closing, she was always used to closing tightly, which looked a little more cute.
She always likes to touch my hands and praise my delicate hands, and then grab my own with self-deprecatingly. I don’t know if it’s because of my weight or why.
Her hands were only a few layers of skin, and she was relaxed and pulled, and she could not get back to her original state for a long time. A few tendons on the back of her hand burst out, like a tree root, crawling under the flesh.
I held her hand, like tender branches wrapped around withered trees. I drew a sense of security from her, and at the same time I was also greedy for the warmth in her palm.
02
Although her hands seem to be withered, they have incredible magic.
The bunches of dog tail grass can turn into rabbits shaking their ears in her hands. When the wind blows, the dog tail grass sways in the air, like a rabbit jumping and surging.
I giggled, she wrapped me in her arms, wrapped her hands around me to peel the melon seeds. When she pinched her hands, the melon seed skin spread out very obediently, revealing the melon seed kernels inside, full and distinct.
She gathered into a pile, and then gently sent the melon seeds to my mouth. As soon as I closed my teeth, the fragrance of the melon seeds spread throughout my mouth.
In winter, she always carries a few roasted sweet potatoes, which are hot, and give me one to watch me eat. The sweet potatoes are sweet, continuous, and hot. When you eat them in your stomach, your body will instantly feel warm. She couldn't eat it anymore, so she stuffed the rest into my arms and asked me to take it back and eat it slowly.
Her hands can turn into cute little rabbits and produce many delicious foods, just like Doraemon's pockets, always giving me unexpected surprises.
03
I grew up day by day, and she has grown older from old age.
Her legs and feet became more and more inconvenient, but she still stubbornly wanted to walk out of the courtyard, as if the stone bench outside had a huge attraction. As long as she sat there, she would sit there peacefully.
I began to notice that her feet were tightly wrapped, and even in summer, the third grandma was wearing long clothes and trousers. My mother told me that my third grandma had been bound with her feet and that she was an old man who lived from the Republic of China to the present.
I began to understand the third grandma. These feet bound her life. The sky was high and the earth was wide, but what she did was only an inch under her feet. The ethics at that time were like an invisible cage that restricted her every day, and Walking out of the house and out of the courtyard was already her resistance with all her might.
Due to many reasons, I have been with my third grandma less and less, but she will still see me calling me from the house as I pass by the yard and stuffing me some delicious food.
Suddenly one day, she could no longer walk. When I went to see her, she was lying on the bed and she didn't even have the strength to sit up.
When she saw me, she had a smile on her face, but over time, she seemed to have no strength to smile and speak, her eyes were turbid and difficult to tell the difference.
I watched her motionless, even my eyes stared straight at the roof, and I had to blink once for a long time. Even when I saw tears slipping from the corners of her eyes, falling into the pillow, and disappearing, I only suspected that her eyes had been open for too long and she burst into tears.
04
When I was in high school, for convenience, my mother rented a house next to the school to accompany her to study, and she would only go home for the New Year.
This call came a month before the college entrance examination. When my mother told me, I simply responded, and I didn't even think about it.
At that time, I stubbornly thought that I could still see her when I went back, and even if she was lying motionless on the bed, I could still talk to her there.
It was just that when I returned from the college entrance examination that year, I never saw her again. Only the stone bench was still there quietly, silently telling the past.
Another year passed, and the stone bench was removed. It was obviously a more appropriate arrangement, but I felt it was empty.
As the hardened area of the ground gradually expands, there are almost no places around this area where dogtail grass can grow. Only on the ridges and wastelands around the village can you see horsetail grass dancing in the wind.
I always think: Time is really powerful, it has the power to erase everything. Even a person who truly lives can erase all her traces after she leaves. Existed.
Just, when I pull up a ponytail grass and try to make it into the shape of a rabbit, I clearly saw it so many times when I was a child, but still couldn't make it, I think of Grandma Three;
Just, when I eat melon seeds, the fragrance is When the lips and teeth are spreading, I will think of Grandma Three; but, when I bought a roasted sweet potato in the shop on a cold winter, the temperature of the sweet potato spreads in the palm of my hand, I will think of Grandma Three;
Just, Grandma Three, Grandma Three , you know, I miss you very much.
