Text | Film Documentary
Editor | Film Documentary
Preface
The unexpected death of a child is naturally difficult for parents to accept.
In 2021, there was a mother in Zhuzhou, Changsha. After her daughter died in a car accident, regardless of her 57-year-old age, she found her ex-husband, who had been divorced for 26 years, and asked him to have another child with her.
Why does this mother insist on having another child?
Will her ex-husband, who has been divorced for 26 years, agree to this request?
The protagonist Yan Guilian
01. The cold rejection on the phone
"You are in your fifties or sixties, what do you want? I have said many times that I cannot have sex with you!"
In 2021, Yan Guilian called her ex-husband again. .
She has lost count of the number of calls this has made to her ex-husband. The first few times she dialed the number, her ex-husband would hang up mercilessly and even put her phone number on the blacklist.
However, this time Yan Guilian finally contacted her ex-husband through their mutual friends, but she still received the same answer as before.
The ex-husband on the phone insisted on a firm refusal attitude, and Yan Guilian tried to negotiate with him again.
Yan Guilian
"I just want to have another cub, and I don't want you to help me raise it. Considering the relationship between husband and wife in the past, are you still unwilling to do this for me?"
Hearing Yan Guilian say this, her ex-husband on the phone He simply showed off his cards to her and said:
"I have already formed a new family in the past two years, what's the point of having a baby with you now?"
After saying this, the ex-husband hung up the phone decisively, leaving only Xia Yan Guilian couldn't help but froze on the spot.
Then she leaned on the railing and cried loudly, wailing:
"I used to say that Zai and I were always in her heart, but now she is not only married to someone else, but she is also hiding it from me!"
After her emotions calmed down, Yan Guilian dialed again. After calling her ex-husband, the ex-husband on the phone sighed and said:
"I've told you many times, just live your own life, why do you have to think so much?"
Yan Guilian on the other side of the phone sobbed and said:
"How can you know how I feel in my heart!"
Listening to her ex-husband on the other end of the phone, she stopped talking. Yan Guilian finally said:
"Anyway, I'm destined to have this child, and I still haven't given up on having another one with you. Thoughts!"
After hanging up the phone, Yan Guilian wiped away her tears and turned to walk home.
Yan Guilian is from Zhuzhou, Changsha. She is 57 years old this year.
Many people who know her feel that Yan Guilian has changed in recent years, from her lively and bright personality to a depressed and troubled one.
is obviously already 57 years old, and it should be a time for him to dance in the square with elders of the same age and spend his old age enjoying peace and happiness, but insists on having children with his ex-husband who has been divorced for more than 20 years.
In the eyes of many people, this is an extremely absurd idea.
And why does Yan Guilian insist on doing this?
Yan Guilian
02. The pain that cannot be overcome
Yan Guilian gave birth to a daughter with her ex-husband more than 30 years ago.
When her daughter was 6 years old, Yan Guilian chose to divorce her ex-husband because of conflicts between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law. After that, she took her daughter with her and raised her alone.
In the next twenty long years, Yan Guilian and her daughter depended on each other. She devoted all her energy and love to her daughter, and did not choose to find another partner for herself.
Fortunately, her daughter is not only sweet-looking and versatile, but also well-behaved, sensible, and smart. She is Yan Guilian's caring little cotton-padded jacket.
Yan Guilian’s daughter
Even the neighbor who lives next door to Yan Guilian, whenever she sees her and her daughter together, they can’t help but say to Yan Guilian:
“I really envy you, having such a filial, sensible, and Smart and capable daughter! "
When Yan Guilian talks about her daughter to others, she always looks proud.
Seeing that her daughter has successfully found a job at the age of 26, the couple's life is getting more and more promising.
However, an unexpected accident happened at this time!
On August 10, 2013, Yan Guilian and her daughter were out for a walk, but her daughter had a car accident.
Yan Guilian’s daughter
Although the car accident did not take her daughter’s life on the spot, her daughter unfortunately passed away in 2014 due to the sequelae left by the car accident 7 months later.
The accidental death of her daughter is undoubtedly an unbearable blow to Yan Guilian.
In the next half month, she hardly ate or drank, and cried all day long.
Staying together for the past twenty years has unintentionally become a habit. At this time, the death of her daughter brought Yan Guilian endless loneliness.
Yan Guilian then completely tied up her life in the endless longing for her daughter, and did not even have any clue to do other things.
Because she missed her daughter too much, Yan Guilian, who had been depressed all day, gradually came up with an idea!
Yan Guilian
The death of her daughter is an irreversible reality, so why can't she have another child to accompany her?
Because her daughter is so sweet, cute, smart and sensible, Yan Guilian still wants to have a child who is similar to her daughter in every aspect, at least 80% similar.
If you want to satisfy this requirement, the only possibility is to find your ex-husband and have another daughter.
If her ex-husband really agrees to have another child with her, then she can place her love for her daughter on the newborn, and perhaps in this way she can get over her grief.
With this idea in mind, Yan Guilian has been negotiating with her ex-husband about having another daughter two or three years after her daughter passed away.
However, her ex-husband did not agree with Yan Guilian's idea and repeatedly rejected the matter.
Yan Guilian's ex-husband
Even though she was repeatedly rejected by her ex-husband, Yan Guilian, who was obsessed with it, never got over the pain of losing her daughter.
In 2021, she once again came up with the idea of having a child.
For this reason, she even came to Changsha Changjiang Reproductive Infertility Hospital to consult about test tube baby surgery, and contacted her ex-husband again.
Putting aside her ex-husband’s resolute refusal, what is the possibility of pregnancy for Yan Guilian’s 57-year-old body?
03. Another storm
At first, when Director Yao of Changsha Yangtze Reproductive Infertility Hospital met Yan Guilian, he thought she was doing infertility consultation for her own child. After all, women of this age rarely come for consultation. Your own pregnancy matters.
However, after hearing Yan Guilian’s experience of losing her daughter, Dean Yao felt very sad.
Even though he knew that with Yan Guilian's current age and body, it would be extremely difficult to successfully conceive, Dean Yao still hoped that he could provide some help to Yan Guilian.
Out of consideration for Yan Guilian's health, the hospital quickly arranged a series of physical examinations for her.
Whether Yan Guilian can conceive depends on the hospital's examination results.
During the blood draw, Yan Guilian could not help but frown because of pain and timidity.
Such an elderly woman who wants to do in vitro fertilization will undoubtedly have to bear great risks and pain.
However, Yan Guilian seemed extremely determined at this time. She said to the camera:
"No matter whether I can succeed in the end, I want to give it a try.I miss my daughter so much! "
Yan Guilian, who missed her daughter endlessly, finally completed the examination. It will take some time to get the examination results.
At this time, Dean Yao told Yan Guilian a piece of news that caused her a headache.
Our country's laws are assisting in Reproductive technology has strict regulations in this regard:
Only by presenting the marriage certificate of the couple can they be qualified for IVF.
In other words, Yan Guilian, who is currently single, must find a partner before she can undergo IVF surgery.
Yan Guilian's ex-husband has already started a new family, and he is firmly opposed to the idea of having another child with Yan Guilian.
In this situation, where should Yan Guilian find a partner?
Yan Guilian is generous and beautiful. Gentle and dignified, she was pursued by many people after the divorce.
At that time, for the sake of her daughter, Yan Guilian rejected all these advances. Now that she wants to have another child, she will definitely look for her again. A partner.
After learning that Yan Guilian had plans to find another partner, her sister and neighbors began to introduce partners to Yan Guilian.
The blind dates who came to meet Yan Guilian all thought she was good-looking and had good temperament. After hearing that Yan Guilian hoped to have a child after the two got married, they ran away for various reasons.
Although there were many examples of failure, Yan Guilian did not give up.
Yan Guilian's neighbors
relatives and friends disclosed Yan Guilian's personal information and courtship. The requests were posted on the Internet, hoping to find a more suitable partner for her.
Finally, a man who was also in Zhuzhou, Changsha, took the initiative to add Yan Guilian as a WeChat friend after seeing her personal information posted online.
This male netizen is 52 years old. He told Yan Guilian that he would not mind having another child at this age.
What the male netizen said made Yan Guilian very happy, and she soon asked him to meet at the riverside.
When they first met. The conversation was very pleasant, but soon after the conversation, Yan Guilian discovered a new problem.
Male netizen
The cost of IVF surgery is relatively high.
Yan Guilian only earns 3,000 yuan a month, which is barely enough to support herself. If she really wants to have and raise children, the man must also have a certain financial strength.
Although this male netizen really wants to have a baby, this 52-year-old male netizen does not have a serious job and his monthly income is not stable enough. He is not willing to bear the cost of in vitro fertilization surgery.
Speaking of this, Yan Guilian understood that this male netizen was not a suitable partner who could start a family with her and give birth to a child.
After the two people met briefly by the river, they had no contact again.
The blind date did not find a suitable partner, and the test results given by the hospital were not optimistic either.
Dean Yao showed the examination report to Yan Guilian and said to her regretfully:
"Aunt Yan, according to your examination results, you are definitely not suitable for pregnancy again."
Judging from the examination report, Yan Guilian's own endometrium is only 3 centimeters thick, and her ovaries have also atrophied. This is obviously not suitable for another child.
In addition, Dean Yao repeatedly explained to Yan Guilian the dangers that pregnancy itself would bring to women. At this time, Yan Guilian, who was already 57 years old, wanted to have another child, which was undoubtedly a very risky choice.
Yan Guilian now has no legal partner, and her physical condition does not allow her to become pregnant.
Seeing that there is no hope of giving birth to a child, what choice will Yan Guilian make?
Inspection report
04. Dean's knot
After realizing that she could not have another child, Yan Guilian couldn't help but fall into deep despair.
At this time, Dean Yao gently took Yan Guilian's hand and said to her patiently:
"I know you are doing this because you miss your daughter very much, but if your daughter knows about it, I believe she must I hope you can be happy most."
Hearing Dean Yao take the initiative to mention her daughter, the softest part of Yan Guilian's heart seemed to be touched all of a sudden. She couldn't restrain her tears and said to Dean Yao while crying. :
"Since the death of my daughter, I feel that the sky is all gray and there is no hope."
Dean Yao was very able to understand the pain in Yan Guilian's heart, and at the same time he also asked Yan Guilian a few questions:
"Auntie, think about it now. You are 57 years old now. If you have another child, you will have to spend at least 20 years of time and energy raising her. Do you still have that energy now?"
"If you When you are sixty or seventy years old, physical diseases caused by aging also begin to show up. Do you want a teenage child to take care of you? "
" Even if you are healthy, you will not be able to raise a child for another twenty years? Question, but this child is not your original daughter after all. What should you do if you give birth to her and feel that she is not similar to your daughter?"
Yan Guilian in the clinic was thinking quietly.
Director Yao
After shedding her last tear, she said a deep "thank you" to Director Yao and then decisively walked out of the hospital.
Dean Yao understood that the knot in Yan Guilian's heart was untied.
html Yan Guilian, who is over 50 years old and wants to have a child, is not an exception. Dean Yao has been working in the industry for many years and has seen many mothers who want to have another child because they cannot bear the pain of losing a child.Most of these mothers have devoted too much energy and love to their children, but have lost their original personality and the focus of life.
After the unexpected death of their children, the spiritual support of these mothers also collapsed.
Confusion and negative emotions will disrupt their normal life rhythm, and at the same time stimulate their endless nostalgia for the warm days of the past, making them addicted and unable to extricate themselves.
These negative emotions are often the product of loneliness and not being understood.
If the partners or friends of these mothers can be more caring and patient with them, truly accompany them, and at the same time clarify the pros and cons of having children at an advanced age for them, they will probably not be addicted to pain forever.
Although losing a child in old age is indeed an unbearable blow, life must go on.
If you are always obsessed and unwilling to be freed from pain, even having another child will be useless.
But giving birth to a child means that you must raise the child. Who should bear the emotional and economic costs?
Pictures come from the Internet
The lives lost will eventually be irretrievable, and the children who come after will certainly not be able to completely replace the people who existed before.
And these children who are born later may not want to be born into this world because of their parents' obsession. This is not fair to them.
Being a parent does not mean that we have to surround our children all day long, nor does it mean that we should put our children at the top of our list of life values.
No matter what identity or role we have in this world, we still need to focus on ourselves and manage our lives seriously.
Only in this way can parents and children maintain a close yet independent parent-child relationship, go hand in hand and comfort each other as beautiful companions in each other's lives.
Pictures from the Internet
Ending
After leaving the hospital, Yan Guilian went to a clothing store and bought herself some beautiful new clothes.
This is undoubtedly a sign that she plans to start a new life.
Even now, she still arranges her daughter's clothes from time to time, spends time looking through her daughter's photos, and sleeps with her daughter's quilt when she goes to bed at night.
But now Yan Guilian no longer sheds tears when she thinks of her daughter, nor does she fall into a state of confusion all day long. The phone call she once made to her ex-husband every once in a while has never been made again. Pass.
Yan Guilian has completely given up on the idea of having another daughter.
Now she will also go square dancing with her next door neighbor. When she has nothing to do, she will go to her sister's house to participate in family gatherings. Her days are becoming more fulfilling day by day.
The pain of obsession that originally tortured Yan Guilian gradually turned into a trickle of longing. Her love and memories for her daughter have not diminished at all. Although the process of coming out is full of hardships, she is trying her best to become happy.
As Dean Yao said, happy parents are what the children who have passed away most want to see.
As time goes by, a positive attitude towards life will inevitably reduce the pain of the past, and a strong heart will definitely defeat obsessive obsessions.
I hope that each of us can be tender in heart, wear armor on the outside, face the hardships of life with a strong smile, and manage our own life well!
Recommended good articles from the past:
China has gone from poverty to being at the top of the world. There is a "trader" behind it
