last time in the article "
1. Specificity should not be the premise, but the result
The first thing to realize is that "special couple" is just a living condition, yes The result of personal conscious choice. When both parties love to die alive, single-mindedness is natural. So, there is no problem with the specificity itself, it is indeed romantic and worthy of praise.
But when the "special couple" becomes a mandatory social system and moral standards, problems also arise. It violates the law of "the impermanence of the human heart", and it also allows people who have just entered love to restrain each other with this, otherwise it will damage the feelings. In addition, this may also make people afraid to make a clean break even if they are stuck in a bad relationship.
So, is not wrong with monogamy, but with absolute monogamy. Single-mindedness should not be the premise, but only the result.
Loyalty is of no use. If you don’t love, you must empathize. Only when you love deeply can singleness come true.
-"Sexual Change"
Society should be tolerant and allow more possibilities. Even if we promote heterosexual couples, we should also tolerate those who can't be "single-minded" to develop their relationship freely.
2. Rather than being sad and disappointed,It’s better to take this opportunity to see the reality clearly
For individuals, in the face of this situation, rather than sad and disappointed, it is better to take this opportunity to see the reality clearly. Don’t take monogamy and monogamy for granted Things.
Everything is impermanent, including love. Love is a feeling, a state of being, and it has nothing to do with the object of love; true love is not possession and dependence, but gathering and sharing.
Control in the name of love will only make each other's growth space smaller and smaller. If our heart is stable and peaceful enough, the negative impact of external relations on us will be greatly reduced. So we should go inward, develop ourselves, and find inner peace, instead of building a sense of security on external substances or relationships.
Secondly, we should to lower our expectations for relationships and marriage , rather than blame each other for cheating, it is better to be more grateful for each other's loyalty.
In addition, before entering the relationship, you can communicate your thoughts and expectations with your partner in advance ,What kind of relationship mode you want, think ahead of time what to do if you have an affair.
3. If there is no "monogamous system", society will be chaotic?
Finally, some people may be worried: If the "special couple" is not turned into a system, will society be messed up?
Regarding this question, Professor Pan Suiming thinks:
"If people are allowed to choose and change freely, then, as long as love is still in place, most people will eventually establish and maintain monopoly in real life. ."
-"Sexual Change"
If we let our freedom go, society might not become chaotic as soon as we think. As mentioned above, sometimes if you love too deeply, single-mindedness will happen naturally. Each person’s suitable and favorite relationship model is different, and the final state is more likely to coexist with various relationship models.
read related examples in the book "Maturity of Samoans".
American anthropologist Margaret Mead , to South Pacific Samoa during field research, found that the local people's attitudes towards sex, affection and family Traditional Western society is very different. One of them is that there is no requirement for specificity, and sex is not used to bind one person to another, even if they are married. If the husband leaves home, the wife's loss of virginity is entirely expected.
So in such a society, is it "chaotic" as we say? Not so. There are also many marriages there, and both spouses are very loyal. Of course, the reason for such harmony in marriage is not necessarily the deep feelings, but more that their interest in various external affairs exceeds their interest in sex.
To sum up, may not lead to complete chaos. On the contrary, blind hegemony is more likely to cause distortion.
Summary
Finally, give a summary of these two articles.
At present, the proportion of affair and multiple partners is getting higher and higher, and the ideal of singleness seems to be farther and farther away. While lamenting, in fact, this situation can also make us realize the limitations of monogamy. What's more, the marriage system is not naturally monogamous.
Single-mindedness should only be a natural choice. If you turn the cart before the horse and turn it into a unified system and requirement, it will probably only damage your feelings. It should not be a premise, but a result. A free and equal society should allow more relationship models.
For individuals,We can use this situation to to better understand human nature, see reality clearly, reduce unrealistic expectations of relationships, and focus more on the present. Before entering a relationship, it is also best to communicate the desired relationship mode in advance.
Reference Materials
- "sex change" lispan11/span11span _span 207 of 2013_span 207_lispan 10 _span 207_lispan 10 ] Margaret Mead / The Commercial Press / 2010
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.I am Miss G, and the public account is "Miss G's Free World". I share love, emotions and hearts, and take you through the complex appearances from deep Understand sex and love everywhere. If you are inspiring, please like, comment and follow!
