"It's all your fault. You spent her credit card and my credit card. Should you ask me for money? Should you scold her last year? Should you scold her this year?" 29 Standing in the middle of the room, the year-old Junjun asked several "should" to his parents. Not only did he blame his parents, he also revealed that he seemed to be fighting for his wife.
The parents argued vigorously, accusing the son of nonsense and trying to explain. Junjun, who was helplessly emotional, couldn't listen to his parents at all. Instead, he appeared to be unreasonable and unreasonable, deciding what was wrong with them.
The mother really couldn't bear the blame from her son, so she pushed him out of the door in anger, and said that she didn't want the son anymore, and the father couldn't help but moved his hand to the son. Seeing that he was about to be kicked out of the house by his parents, Junjun burst into tears.
01
Junjun and his wife Xiaoya have been married for more than 5 years and have 2 children. The eldest daughter is almost 5 years old and the younger son is 3 years old. After marriage, Junjun has been working outside the city, and his wife lives with his parents with the children. The days were going well, but the wife suddenly got divorced.
In Junjun's view, He and his wife are separated. There is no contradiction between the two. Now the wife's sudden divorce must be the fault of his parents. Seeing that the time for his wife to go to the Civil Affairs Bureau to go through the divorce procedures before two o'clock in the afternoon was getting closer, he couldn't help but start a fire at his parents.
But mother Aunt Li said that her son usually works outside and cannot return home several times a year. The daughter-in-law lives with their old couple. They take care of everything they eat and wear. They even prepare the gifts for the daughter-in-law to return to her natal home. They are also taking care of the two grandchildren since they were born. Although the life is relatively hard, the family gets along fairly well.
Six months ago,When the daughter-in-law and her son went out to work together, she also gave them medical cards for herself and the children for safekeeping. But since returning home from work, the daughter-in-law has been divorced. Although they don't know the specific reason, it can be said with certainty that it has absolutely nothing to do with their old couple.
When the mediator accompanied Junjun to see his wife Xiaoya at the door of the Civil Affairs Bureau, Xiaoya expressed reluctance to accept the mediation, and then turned around and ran, accidentally fell to the ground. It made her more emotional and cried and said: I would rather die than live with him.
When the mediator asked her whether the divorce was due to her husband or her parents-in-law, she said that "both" . When asked about the specific reasons for her sadness, she almost broke down and said: will not give me a penny for 5 years. If I go out to work, even 4,000 yuan a month is enough for me. Why should I be here? Do you even have to ask his parents for the money to buy a pack of sanitary napkins?
According to Xiaoya, she has been taking care of the children at home after marriage, but the husband gave all the money she earned to her parents-in-law, which made her and her children's life very difficult. Junjun also admitted that he did give all the money to his parents to pay off the foreign debts, but he did not expect that his parents would be harsh on his wife, so he blamed his parents at home.
Regarding money matters, Junjun’s father, Master Zhang, explained that it was because he and his wife thought that the daughter-in-law who had just entered the door was only 20 years old and was too young to know how to manage the house, so they took care of the money for their son. stand up. The daughter-in-law will give her as much money as she needs, and she has not treated her badly.
Secondly, it is because the family is really difficult. Before their son got married, they ran out all the savings in the family to build a new house and owed a foreign debt of 60,000 yuan. The house had just been built, and I borrowed another 100,000 yuan to renovate the wedding room to marry my daughter-in-law.
Master Zhang also said,To make matters worse, before the debts began to be paid off, Junjun's mother fell ill again, and they had to take a loan for treatment, and then he also got a cerebral infarction. After so many things, the family owed a total of more than 200,000 yuan in foreign debt.
Because the old couple are in poor health and cannot make money, the burden of life for a family of 6 has all fallen on the son. In the past few years, my son has paid a total of about 100,000 yuan to them, but the family's expenses are at least 40,000 yuan a year, and the money his son gets back is simply not enough to spend.
He also told his daughter-in-law before that because of the financial constraints in the family, the adult's expenses can be tighter, but the two children who are growing up should not be treated badly. The daughter-in-law also behaves very sensibly. She has never heard anything from her complaining, but she never thought that she would have such a big opinion on their money matters.
Xiaoya also admitted that it was because she understood her husband's dilemma that they had overdrawn all her credit cards to pay off her debts. But she has no money on hand. Every time she needs to spend money, she has to reach out and ask her parents-in-law. After a long time, she always feels uncomfortable.
After learning of the grievances of the daughter-in-law, Master Zhang and his wife hurriedly stated that they will no longer control their son's money, and let him give them all to the daughter-in-law, only hope they can live a good life . The mediator also persuaded Xiaoya to dispel the idea of divorce, but she said that there were still some hurdles in her heart.
02
According to Xiaoya, when she had a conflict with her parents-in-law six months ago, her parents-in-law and sister-in-law scolded her. The mother-in-law also said to her: My family does not have a daughter-in-law like you, so go back to your natal family.
Regarding this matter, Master Zhang explained that last year, the old couple felt that their health was much better. In order to reduce the burden on the family, they pushed the car out to sell cold skins. My daughter-in-law was also very supportive at the time,He also promised to take good care of the children and take care of the home.
But later discovered that the daughter-in-law did not do any work at home, lying on the bed all day playing with her mobile phone, the house was messy, and even the child could not eat a hot meal. Once, they couldn't help but say a few words about their daughter-in-law, and they didn't scold her maliciously.
But Xiaoya grievedly said that she had to take care of the children and do housework at home. It was very hard. In addition, the children were very noisy. They just cleaned the house and were messed up by them. It just can't be cleaned up. Occasionally, when I take a break, just after being hit by my mother-in-law, I will pick her fault.
Xiaoya was at home, she was very uncomfortable because she was penniless, and the words of her mother-in-law made her feel more uncomfortable, so she decided to go out to work with her husband Make money. Unexpectedly, the later days made her even more unbearable.
In the past, when the husband and wife were separated, Xiaoya couldn't get her husband's love if she encountered any troubles. But after the two worked together, she found that her husband even cared about her and didn't care about her, even if she was ill, she didn't take her seriously, and even suspected her.
Once, she had a bad cold and when she called her husband, there was no response. When a small stranger in the factory knew about it, he lent her money and asked her to go and take care of her illness before returning to work, and then return the money to him after the salary was paid. Unexpectedly, she was later suspected by her husband, and the family said that she was looking for someone outside, and her father-in-law scolded her for it.
Regarding this matter, Master Zhang also said frankly that he had believed his son's side and blamed his daughter-in-law, and he was indeed wrong. However, he did not scold his daughter-in-law, but scolded his son for nothing in front of her. Besides, afterwards, he also apologized to his daughter-in-law, hoping that her daughter-in-law would stop worrying about it.
Through the mediator’s persuasion,After the knot between Xiaoya and her parents-in-law slowly opened up, she mentioned her husband's problem again. She said that although the couple worked in the same factory, they did not see each other several times a month. The male and female dormitories in the factory are only a few steps away, but her husband has never asked her out to chat, or go out for shopping. Because the husband spends his time playing games except at work, he simply forgot the existence of her as a wife.
In order to let her husband play less games or quit games, she has quarreled with her husband many times, but every time her husband admits that he is wrong and will correct it, he has never actually taken any action, so she Only then filed for a divorce and promised to her husband: After the divorce, will give him ten years to remarry if he changes.
In fact, Xiaoya's original intention is to use divorce to wake up her husband, hoping that her husband will no longer be addicted to games and can take the initiative to take the responsibility of a man. However, her husband did not take her words seriously, and still put the family responsibilities on his parents, and he still spent his spare time and energy on playing games.
Living with her parents-in-law at home, she was very frustrated. When she was outside the house, she couldn't get the care and attention of her husband. Xiaoya, who was only 25 years old, felt that she couldn't bear this kind of life, and insisted on getting a divorce. , And deliberately asked for leave to come back, planning to go through the divorce procedures with her husband, and then go out to work to support herself.
03
In order to keep his wife, Junjun came to his parents-in-law's house and promised to his parents-in-law: He will work hard to earn money in the future, go out and buy a house by himself, and then leave the relationship with his family and let his parents love Live as you please.
Who knows that as soon as his voice fell, his father-in-law was a little unhappy to say that he said some useless things; Xiaoya also said that until now, he has not figured out what his responsibilities are; The mediator also reminded him to reflect on his behavior,Don't blindly put all the faults on your parents, don't think that as long as you get rid of your parents, all problems will be solved.
Until this time, Junjun still did not understand: marriage and family, wife and children are all his responsibilities. Problems in the marriage show that he himself has not done well.
For example, in terms of money, he should not directly give all the money to his parents, but should first discuss with his wife, give his wife some pocket money appropriately, and then give the rest to his parents to pay the foreign debts. Or give all the money to the wife, and it is up to the wife and parents to discuss how to spend the money.
For another example, when the two places were separated, he could understand if he didn't care about his wife, but after his wife worked with him, he was addicted to games and ignored his wife. Especially when his wife was sick, not only did he play games without caring, but he also suspected the person who helped his wife, and even caused the family to misunderstand his wife.
These are the key points that crushed their marriage, but Junjun thought from beginning to end that he gave the money to his parents, and his parents should take care of his wife and children on his behalf. He guarded his marriage and small family, so when his wife got divorced, he felt that all the faults belonged to his parents, and he thought that as long as he stayed away from his parents, he would be fine. As everyone knows, 's shirking of responsibilities not only makes his wife lose sight of hope, but also arouses family conflicts to the point where it is difficult to manage.
Faced with this immature son-in-law, 's father-in-law repeatedly pointed out his indulge in games and lack of responsibility for his wife and children . Finally, under Junjun’s guarantee, the parents-in-law said that they did not want their daughter and son-in-law to divorce, but hoped that the young couple would solve the problem as soon as possible, and the family of four would live together intact.
In order to resolve conflicts and misunderstandings with his daughter-in-law, Master Zhang not only proactively bowed his head and apologized, but also stated: he and his wife will continue to sell Liangpi to pay off foreign debts.I won't care about my son's money anymore. Sons and daughters-in-law can take the children to them, and then feel relieved to work outside, but they will get some living expenses for the children.
Aunt Li also stated that in the future, the son and daughter-in-law will live as they wish, and they will not interfere anymore. Seeing her parents-in-law said so, Xiaoya also promised that after they went out to work, they would pay for their children's living expenses. Seeing that things are developing on a positive side, Junjun suddenly said: My father told me before that there is no more daughter-in-law, so I can find another one.
The mediator on the side immediately took the conversation and said that it was because the parents said a comforting word when they saw their daughter-in-law making a divorce, and the son was very sad. Don't care about it. But Junjun went on to say: has been married for 5 years, and my daughter-in-law did not have the house key until last year.
Master Zhang quickly explained that the key to the door of the house was one for each person at the beginning, and Xiaoya lost the key by herself, and then she had not given the key by herself.
In order to keep the daughter-in-law and let them live a good life in the future, their parents not only proactively bowed their heads and apologized, but also proactively stated that they would always help them, but Junjun did not realize the good intentions of his parents. On the contrary, he kept picking his parents' faults in front of his wife. Not only did the parents feel very distressed, but the mediator couldn't help but reprimand him.
As a son, you should be grateful for your parents’ dedication and understanding that it’s not easy for your parents; as a husband, you should take on the responsibilities in your marriage and give your wife a reliable shoulder; as a father, you should accompany your children’s growth more. Children are educated to be useful talents.
But Junjun not only did not have the slightest sense of responsibility, but kept saying something that might inspire family conflicts. seems to be fighting injustice for his wife,In fact, he not only put his parents in an awkward situation, but also pushed his wife who was in divorce into a dilemma.
Fortunately, the mediator reacted very quickly from the midfield, and the contradiction did not intensify. After repeated persuasion by the mediator, Junjun gradually realized his problems and admitted that he should not push all the mistakes to his parents.
Faced with her husband's repentance, Xiaoya said in anger: doesn't need you to keep saying that you are wrong, but to prove it with action. Only if you do it will you have everything, and others won't say anything about you. Go ahead, kneel down and apologize to your parents, and then talk about our affairs.
At the moment when her son knelt down to apologize, Aunt Li cried with excitement. Master Zhang also forgave her son’s previous practices, and only hoped that he could take on family responsibilities and be responsible in the future. Man.
Later, Junjun wrote a letter of guarantee. promised that he would quit the game in the future, and work hard to get rid of other bad problems, accompany his wife and children more, and hand over the money earned to his wife; then he will put down the right All the prejudices of the parents maintain the harmony of the extended family.
After seeing her husband's change, Xiaoya finally agreed to give each other another chance. After that, the couple went out to work together to earn money, and tried to work together to build a more beautiful and happy family.
Concluding remarks
Parents manage the marriage for their children, and then help them with their children, as well as other kinds of assistance. It seems to be a natural matter, and it seems that it can promote the marriage and family development of young couples. There are many hidden dangers behind this approach.
In married life, if you have the full support of your parents, your children will have dependent thoughts, and there will be no sense of responsibility.It may even lose the ability to distinguish right from wrong. When the parents worked hard, I am afraid that the result will be the same as what happened to Master Zhang and his wife, not grateful, but complaining and blaming.
After the children get married, it is best for parents not to be the protagonist of their family, but to slowly hand over the responsibility to them, and let them explore and grow into a family that can take on marriage and family Only in this way can the responsible person be conducive to the stable development of the relationship between husband and wife.
Horney once said: Only when you can deal with problems in an adult manner, respect each other with your family members, leave enough space for each other, and forgive each other, you can build your dreams with your partner Intimacy.
As a married adult, in addition to the parents' initiative to let go, he must also have the consciousness and action to gradually leave his parents and establish an intimate relationship with his partner. Only in this way can you abandon those immature excuses and reliance on your parents, you can bravely assume the corresponding responsibilities, your marriage can be long, and your family can be happy.
Thank you for reading! What do you think of this kind of conflict between marriage and family? Who do you feel wronged the most?
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