01
I have been studying at 1span for three months with my boyfriend.
He had a relationship for 3 years during his undergraduate studies. My relationship history was basically blank. I only had a relationship in high school that lasted less than two months, and at most it only reached the stage of hugs.
I have a conservative concept of sex, and my acceptance of intimacy is not that high, and it’s slower and hotter. I hope that the behavior after kissing can be slower.
But the more important progress of each step of the two of us did not happen when I was ready for the actual work and fully accepted in my heart.
02
When we went for a walk in the river for the first time, the kiss happened a few days ago. And no one.Before that, he had wanted to kiss me and I rejected it, so when he proposed to go forward, I made it clear that I could go forward, but the premise was that he could not kiss me, and he agreed.
But after we sat by the river for a while, he still kissed me hard. I pushed him away and walked back, and then cried on the road. Feeling offended, he kept apologizing, saying that he liked me too much and couldn't help it.
The first time he touched his breasts was about a week or so together, when he was kissing, he suddenly touched his hand. I blocked it, but he rushed away arrogantly. I also resisted fiercely at that time and made it clear that I didn't like this. This was beyond my acceptance.
Afterwards, he also apologized, mainly to express his sincerity to me, because he liked me so much that he couldn’t control his body’s reaction, not simply trying to satisfy his own desires. Category.
He is a stable and reliable type, and he is very dedicated to feelings. Usually treats me very well, it can be regarded as taking care of me in every possible way. So I also like him very much.
But as long as I remember that the first time all kinds of behavior did not happen when I was ready, or when I didn’t want to proceed, I would be sad, and I have been unable to get through this hurdle.
03
We have discussed sex before He kept telling me that this is a very important part of a relationship and a way of expressing love. But I never let go of agreeing to have a relationship.
On the one hand, I don’t want to be so fast, but I want to take it slowly. On the other hand, I only received one shot of hpv vaccine, at least until I have finished three shots, I can’t afford it. The risk of unwanted pregnancy. I told him about this, and he promised to protect me, but soon he broke his promise.
When we were together for more than two months, he suggested that we open a room, saying that just holding me to sleep would be very satisfying. I mentioned it many times, and finally I said that we must never have a relationship. If you are sure you can do it, then go. We did not have a relationship that time because I firmly disagree. Although he endured it very hard, he did control it.
This experience has increased my trust in him, and I also chose to temporarily forget his previous intimate behavior without my consent.
After a month, it coincided with the Mid-Autumn Festival holiday, and he proposed to open the house the day before yesterday. The experience of opening the house last time increased my trust in him, and I believe he will not force me.
But when he got there, he started to puff me up, tried my bottom line again and again, and blocked me in the corner, leaving me nowhere to escape. He said he had never heard of it. There are places on the girlfriend's body that the boyfriend can't touch.
Then he started to feel wronged again, almost pleading. He also said that I have been rejecting him, he has no confidence in our relationship, implying that if I disagree, he may give up on me. I finally compromised.
04
After that, I have been suffering. I am willing to have these intimate behaviors with him, because I also like him, but I am not ready yet, I just think that these are all things that I will cherish when I am not so willing.
I don’t want to punish him by ending this relationship to solve my emotional problems, because I don’t care if those things have happened, so I can think of a solution Just try to convince yourself to accept it.
I have two sources of pain. The first is that I don't know how to convince myself, and the second is that I don't know how to get along with my boyfriend in the future.
I didn’t send it out because I wanted everyone to scold me or him. I really wanted to find a way to solve my emotional problem, because I really can’t solve it on my own. I hope everyone can give it to me. some advices.
END
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