Text/Supplementary Jun
Source/"Reader" Magazine Issue 18, 2021
When kindness becomes a show
Let me talk about the real experience of writer Zebra first.
Zebra's classmate A's mother suddenly suffered from leukemia, unfortunately. Fortunately, A's parents have medical insurance and pensions, and her own income is not bad. She has a house and a car.
But A's first reaction was not to take her mother for further examination, but to quickly ask for help in WeChat Moments, tearfully telling her mother and daughter love, and urge everyone to give her mother a chance to live.
The students who have a good relationship with A immediately established a donation group. Someone took the lead. The students in the group immediately rushed to express their condolences and fell into the atmosphere of "as long as everyone gives a piece of love". A classmate said: "Zebra is doing a good job, ask him to help raise donations!" A immediately contacted Zebra: "Which day will be convenient? Show me before sending it." Zebra replied: "Deep sympathy, nothing can be done."
People have a herd mentality, especially in such things as showing kindness and fraternity.
So, as long as someone takes the lead in giving love, a large group of people will follow the trend and give love instead of thinking about the logic behind this matter.
Therefore, it is easy to form a solitaire "kindness show" as above.
For the "good show", Mr. Lian Yue described it very vividly in a paragraph: "The core technology is these two points. The cost of what you need to do is extremely low, and you seem to be very caring when you do it. Sad marketers give it to The public has provided such a good opportunity-the opportunity to show love at zero cost has arrived!"
You are the first to repost in WeChat Moments, and your love has overcome all your friends! The second one is not dominant in order, so I have to increase my emotions. In the end, the person who hasn't transferred is in trouble: "Everyone has transferred, I don't transfer, am I still a human?" In order to avoid trouble and get approval, he also casually transfers, anyway, the cost of avoiding conflict is zero.
Thus, kindness becomes a kind of cheap "show". Behind this kind of "kindness show" is actually a kind of self-achievement, that is, trying to complete a kind of self-identification of "I am a kind person".
4 kinds of "blind kindness"
the first kind of blind kindness: ignorance and ignorance.
For example, "Why not eat minced meat" by Jin Huidi . For another example, in order to show their kindness, many people went to release them in groups and put tortoises in the water, causing them to drown alive.
This kind of ignorant goodness is not true goodness.
The second kind of blind kindness: moral kidnapping.
Moral kidnapping is to think that you are on the side of kindness, and make rash judgments on other people or events. In the name of love, many people just become "other people's judges."
When kindness becomes mandatory, it is no longer kindness.
The third kind of blind kindness: right and wrong.
This kind of person who does not distinguish between right and wrong has full sympathy for everything, ignoring logic, ignoring facts, ignoring justice, and praising unprincipled giving and forgiveness.
The harm of this kind of unprincipled kindness is that it not only confuses the public's correct judgment of things, but also encourages real evil.
The fourth kind of blind kindness: stupid self-abuse, paying for the mistakes and evils of others.
Bobonnie said: "Kindness is very precious, but if kindness does not grow teeth, then it is weakness." Kindness is not wrong, but it cannot have no bottom line.
The more kind people are, the more they have to set the bottom line higher, and learn to have a moderate "zero tolerance" before things go bad.
What is true kindness
Song Renzong Once, he was tired and hungry after dealing with government affairs late at night. He wanted to eat a bowl of hot mutton soup, but he endured the hunger and did not say it.
The next day, when the ministers found out, they persuaded him: "Your Majesty works day and night, and you must take care of your body.If you want to eat mutton soup, just tell the chef at any time, how can you bear not saying it?
Song Renzong said to Jin Chen: "If you ask for it at any time in the palace, it will make the outsiders see it as a routine. If I ate mutton soup last night, the royal chef would slaughter the sheep every night, forming a rule. After a year, the number of slaughtered would be hundreds. I served a bowl of food and drink, creating this bad example and hurting the living creatures. I would rather endure hunger for a while.
The true kindness is such a kind of wisdom, which is the best choice made after a complete understanding of the basic facts of things and a detailed examination of the development trend of things.
" 晋书 "Recorded a story.
Eastern Jin Minister Xi Chao and his father Xi Yan have very different personalities. Xi Chao and the general Huan seeks an alliance with the emperor because his father is loyal to the emperor Wen. The royal family, so he didn't dare to let his father know.
Later Xi Chao was critically ill, and he knew that soon after he died, he took out a bookbox and gave it to his protégé: "If my father is overly sad, you give him the bookbox.
After Xi Chao died, Xi Yan was really sorrowful, so the protégé handed the bookcase to Xi Yan. Xi Yan opened the box and found that it was actually a letter from Xi Chao and Huan Wen conspiring to imperial power. After reading it, Qi Yan became angry. I jumped and cursed, and no longer miss Xi Chao, and the disease gradually healed.
From a family perspective, Xi Chao’s approach is undoubtedly kind.
True kindness is not self-harm, but a kind of ability.
An ability to understand the suffering of others as suffering, but also an ability not to be contagious by blind kindness;
is not only an ability to put yourself in an empathy, but also an ability to deeply understand the evil in human nature. ;
is not only an ability not to base happiness on others' suffering, but also an ability to save others from fire and water without drowning oneself.
So Socrates said: "Ignorant People are not qualified to do good."Because ignorant kindness only has the outer garment of kindness and lacks the core of kindness. It may not only encourage evil, but may also harm oneself.
Spring and Autumn Period, Seeing Lu people become slaves outside, you can spend money to redeem him, and then go to the treasury to reimburse the expenses after returning to China. It was redeemed, but it was not reimbursed by the treasury after the redemption. Many people praised Zi Gong for his noble character. After Confucius knew about it, he cursed Zi Gong.
Some people wondered: Isn’t it noble if the redeemer doesn’t repay the bill?
Confucius said: "It's wrong. Zigong’s approach will result in more Lu people unable to be rescued. In the future, when people see Lu people as slaves, they will think this way: After I redeem the purchase, if I go to repay, my character is not as noble as Zigong; but if I don’t repay, I can’t afford it. So I had to pretend not to see it. Therefore, Zigong's practice of not repaying the account is actually preventing more of the slaves of Lu people from being redeemed, and it is harmful.
True kindness is a vision.
Faces everything from many angles. Not only from one's own point of view, but also from the perspective of others, and even consider whether it will be after doing something Produce a bad chain reaction. Only then do one thing best, or spread the truth to others.
The biggest enemy of society is not the shrewd bad guy-increase the cost of doing evil, the bad guys have their own constraints; increase cooperation Weights, bad guys will choose.
The most terrifying thing is precisely the large number of good people who lack common sense, vision, and wisdom. The greatest evil in the world is often rampant in the name of kindness.
We must be kind people, But you can’t be a blind and kind person. Your kindness must be a bit sharp.
Author: Shi Yijun, Source: Reader Magazine, Issue 18, 2021, original title "What is Real Kindness".
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