01
Why do people get married? What is the core cornerstone of a long-term and stable marriage? The answer is two words: demand. People can never skip their actual needs to do something, so marriage is not noble, and marriage should never be too idealized or artistic. This is the first thing to talk about.
Even if it is because of love, what is love? is the good impression of appearance and personality that arouses the strong psychological desire to approach each other emotionally, which is the beginning of love.
In essence, goodwill or attractiveness between the sexes is actually nothing more than what we covet deep in our hearts.
Because there is greed, this has the ability to act; because there is need, this has the enthusiasm.
As Marx said: "All human behaviors are for the acquisition of benefits." Holbach also pointed out: 7 "span7span 7" is the driving force of all human behavior.
If you understand the nature of the relationship between you and me, it sounds very realistic and heart-warming.But it is the most real. Because there is no greed, it means there is no attraction, and the lack of attraction means the loss of enthusiasm and action.
How else would you say that a good husband and wife relationship is always that two people can constantly need each other and meet each other's needs continuously.
It’s just that this need, interest, and value are not necessarily money, but may also be people’s emotional, psychological, and physical needs.
In short, the most popular explanation is that because you have something I covet, this has mobilized my enthusiasm for marrying you and running a marriage with you, even if you have to pay or sacrifice something. The so-called positivity, in a sense, also represents our personal wishes.
After all, we are all human beings, with our own feelings, emotions, and consciousness.
02
We had a gathering with a few friends two days ago. Among them was a friend whose conditions were quite good, but the marriage was not happy with us more than once complain. When talking about this topic again, a friend lost his patience and sent out a soul torture: "What do you picture her?"
Let me briefly talk about the life and marriage of the friend.
My friend is 160 kilograms, and his wife also weighs this weight. Although she is a full-time wife, her main responsibility is to play mahjong every day, and she owes more than 600,000 credit cards in two years. The 200,000 owed before has been paid off by the family. I don’t know how I owe it, and I dare not look into it.
wife to child,When you’re hungry, you order takeaways. The clothes you change are waiting for your friends to go home and wash them. In order to prevent your children from disturbing yourself playing mahjong, you can watch them on your phone and computer. I don’t care and understand my friends. No matter how hard you make money, it’s your business. How should I eat and drink? In addition, family conditions are not as good as friends. Mother-in-law and father-in-law have to ask him for money when he is okay, not to mention a reasonable person.
That’s why some people simply can’t understand: "If you want to look no-looking, you want a body and a body, you want a family without a family, you want to be virtuous or not virtuous, now you can’t account for it at all. What is she?"
The friend thought about it seriously, and replied: "I don't know, I don't picture anything."
So the friend who asked him was speechless, and said casually: "You don't picture anything." , Who hasn’t you been with?” It sounds realistic, but this is also the truth of marriage.
You don’t see anything, and you can’t get anything. Then you can’t live with anyone, and you can’t live with anyone.
It’s not about persuading people to get divorced here. It’s completely aside from friends. When a person has no need for marriage or get nothing, then such a marriage is already in danger. Behind the edge is to live by patience, and a person's patience has its limits.
So we must learn to think about it, or everything that you enjoy now will be lost one day. In fact, this kind of marriage has become a unilateral completion.
At least one thing is certain. People have no need for marriage and no covetousness for a partner. will gradually form an indifferent attitude.Then he began to follow the direction of marriage at random. Anyway, he had nothing but nothing in the end.
Children are not the bond of marriage, they are just a life-saving medicine when marriage is lingering. However, many people think that after marriage, everything is certain. It doesn’t matter. This planted the seeds of divorce. .
03
Greed and satisfaction are mutual. You can’t always think about your own needs, you have to try to meet the other’s needs. You also have what the other side has drawn.
Of course, there is one more thing to pay attention to. You can't be too greedy, just take the same account.
It’s like your main need is caring and considerate on weekdays, so after being satisfied, you can’t ask him to show his ambitions and create superior living conditions for you. In other words, you can have a desire in this regard, but you can't ask him to do it.
can only be regarded as a better wish and goal, achieved better, icing on the cake, if not achieved, there will be no disappointment and frustration, maintain inner peace and find a balance.
So gradually you will find that most of the problems and contradictions in marriage are fundamental problems of needs. Either they are not satisfied, or they are too greedy to get all the satisfaction. To solve this problem, each other must first clarify one of their main needs.
In addition, we also have to accept changes in demand, changes in main demand, because it is inevitable.
is like when you just got married, the main needs of a person may be emotional, then with the change of life, age, experience, the main needs will become material, and life will change. Back emotionally.
So I really feel that it’s not easy to manage a marriage well, but you can’t give up because of difficulties. After all, marrying everyone is the same. Some of the most essential things cannot be changed. good.
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