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Yesterday, I went for a walk in the community after dinner. I encountered a stray cat, very docile, I couldn’t help it. Kneeling down, touched its soft fur.
At this time, the wind is very light, the night is scattered with light and shadow, and it is comfortable and quiet. The cat's hair conveys the long-lost gentleness to the palm of my hand.
About 4 years ago, I stood at a crossroad waiting for a traffic light, staring at the opposite side dullly, not knowing where to go after the past.
After the car on the road stopped, my distracted gaze suddenly came back.
Under the feet of people coming and going, a kitten came towards me. It was black all over, its belly was like cotton, and its eyebrows were white.
As if we have seen it before, it is very close to me, like meeting an old friend.
I named it "Erlang Shen", it is very important in my life.
because when I met it, I was pregnant for a month, not married yet, and my boyfriend was abroad,I was a hesitant little girl.
Later it witnessed me getting married, my belly grew bit by bit, and countless happy moments accumulated during the period.
The precious photos of "Erlang Shen"
The last time I met with Erlang Shen was before I went to the hospital to give birth.
During the few days in the hospital, all my family members told me that the child was born, let’s send the cat away. It’s not good for the child.
At that time, I was so isolated and helpless, unable to protect my cat from my family.
When I returned home with my baby, everything about the cat was gone. The cat was sent back to my hometown overnight by my in-laws. Later, he fell ill and lost his life or death.
If it doesn't meet me, it should be another destiny! In order to miss it, I wrote it in my pen name, Cat A Tian.
01
During the first two years as a wife and mother, I was very upset.
I don’t know how to bring the child,When I asked my mother for help, she couldn't help me either.
often argue with her husband, always worrying that if he doesn't love me, I will have nothing.
Because the grievances suffered by the parents-in-law cannot be digested, emotions are brought into the relationship between husband and wife and parent-child, which intensifies self-doubt.
The house I lived in after marriage was bought by my husband’s family, and I couldn’t find a sense of belonging after living here for two or three years.
I feel that the air here is muddy, the sound is noisy, and the neighbors are strange.
At night, you can see the bustling streets in front of the window, and the lights are like stars.
But I always feel that I don’t belong here and I can’t embrace this city.
In spring, summer, autumn and winter, I often take my children back to my hometown. Sometimes I quarreled and sometimes I missed home.
Every inch of my hometown is full of memories, familiar and safe, but not comfortable, because I am not returning home in good shape, I am a deserter from the city.
In the end, I still packed my bags,Take the child back to my home and face the problem alone.
I am really embarrassed. I like reading, not because of my elegant hobby, but to find answers in books. This is the only way I can think of.
Thank you very much for the crystallization of human wisdom. In the book, I really found the answer.
02
After finding the answer, I did a series of things to reorganize my life and find some real hostess feelings at home.
First of all, I said goodbye to my past.
I called the guy I’ve liked for ten years and told him what I like directly, and at the same time I counted the harm he had done to me one by one, scolded him for two hours, and sent those that didn’t. The letter was burned, so that regrets will no longer be reminded.
I had a big quarrel with my mother. I said she was useless, she hadn't worked much in her life, and had a bad attitude towards my father.
I'm very thankful that my mother didn't get upset because of my speech injury. Instead, she went to find a job. Now she often calls with joy and tells me how much money she has made to buy skirts for her granddaughter.
I clearly told my mother-in-law not to touch things in my room,She often cleans me diligently, but it makes me feel that my privacy has been violated.
The father-in-law often couldn't control his emotions and spoke insultingly. When he called me too bad, I would scold him back. For me who can't speak swear words, my father-in-law has exercised my eloquence.
Tolerant or intolerant, the relationship between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law cannot maintain a harmonious state in a short period of time.
I said to myself, OK, no problem, everyone is in a bad relationship, and I don’t have to ask for perfection, but my feelings are very important.
Husband, I don't remember when we quarreled the most intensely, and even after we got together, I would let go of everything and hug him, and then the communication became smoother and smoother.
Now we are cooperating very well. Without the help of in-laws, our children go to kindergarten, and both of us have jobs. We have found a way to solve the problems of pick-up and dinner.
For friends, I crawled out of the so-called girlfriend trap, ended those relationships that made me tired, and freed up a lot of inner space to meet new friends.
Then it is my job. Compared with my peers, my mix is too bad, and my salary in 5 years after graduation is less than 4,000. Working with interns and being called a sister, the only difference is 3 years of experience as a full-time mother.
But now,My sense of control over life has improved from the previous 2 or 3 points to 6 or 7 points, which is a completely different state of mind.
03
The answer found in the book is simple: I need help.
I will be my own "mother" and use the resources I have to nurture the frightened and helpless little girl in my heart.
refused to hurt her, especially the invisible hurt of relatives and friends wearing the cloak of love.
helps her expand her knowledge, see the diversity of the world from the book, and reduce the fear caused by ignorance.
Satisfy her desires, buy the clothes she likes, eat feasts that she loves, and then leave with her, learn financial management, and have a clear understanding of her true needs.
Exercise her ability, take the initiative to meet challenges at work, accept corrections, and humbly learn what she does not have from the interns.
Now, the little girl is no longer curled up in the corner, she has stood up, but she is still not stable.
is amazing,When I no longer think about going out to be a good daughter, a good wife, a good mother, and a good daughter-in-law, but turning inward to be my most intimate "mother", all questions seem to have answers.
There is no magic, but the little girl stood up, grew up a little bit, and became stronger. She gave me more power to deal with the problems of life, to protect him, her or whom I wanted to protect it.
Now I am a little more in awe of stray cats, and I no longer change their life trajectory arbitrarily and subjectively.
It’s been a long time since I used my mother’s family as a retreat. My home is in the city. I am one of the owners of the family. It feels great to be at ease.
The problem is still there, thinking has changed, and the appearance of the world has also changed.
END
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About the author: I am @猫阿甜 , a psychology lover, and I like to try to see the world from different perspectives. Continue to output original content, follow me if you like it!
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