Author: Yiming (parents evolution writer)
recently, Hangzhou to Ms. Ge upset. What is going on with
?
It turned out that her daughter was in the third year of junior high school and her grades were in a mess, especially in mathematics. Ms. Ge was very anxious.
In the first half of the year, Ms. Ge asked about a good training institution and spent more than 70,000 yuan to enroll in a cram school for her daughter who was in second grade.
originally hoped that her daughter would improve her grades and be admitted to a good high school. Z2z
can be half a year later, and her daughter's grades have left Ms. Ge cold. In the math test paper of
120, my daughter actually got 57 points.
Now Ms. Ge couldn't sit still, and angrily, she demanded a refund from the training institution.
Leaving aside the issue of refunds, I really don’t understand what this mother did. The daughter of
does not have a good foundation and does not have good study habits. She also requires her to attend a good high school. Even if she is admitted to a good high school by surprise, her grades are difficult to stabilize.
It is the expectation of every parent to hope that the child will become a dragon and ride the wind, but not all children are suitable for learning this way.
Because each child has different talents and different learning abilities, we should not expect too much of the child and cause too much pressure.
A few days ago, Sun Li wrote to his son on his son’s 10th birthday:
, you have grown up, so happy for you. You have so many friends and so many hobbies. In my opinion, this is better than you. His test scores are more important...
has become an excellent child because he has no high expectations. He is kind, warm, self-disciplined and has a wide range of hobbies.
In reality, some children have become worried adults under the weight of their parents' high expectations. They are afraid that they will hurt their parents because they are not good enough.
Sometimes, I tried my best, but I still failed the exam, and I cried secretly.
American educator Spencer once said: ", as a parent, cannot use test scores to judge the quality of a child, let alone make the child have a sense of honor or disgrace. "
In many cases, parents are more anxious , The more anxious the child, the more depressed the heart.
Parents are calm, and children can face setbacks calmly. The mentality of the parents determines the state of the child.
Parents’ expectations are too high, and their children will be over-stressed.
Zhihu once saw a topic on how parents expect too much of themselves. What kind of experience is it? An anonymous netizen at
answered very heartily. His father always told him that there must be no problem with what you do. This puts him under a lot of pressure.
When he exhausted all his energy to finish it, his father thought he could finish it easily.
's father expects him like a mountain, making him breathless.
Sometimes he even imagined that he would suddenly die in a car accident, which turned out to be a kind of liberating happiness in his heart.
If hope becomes a cage for besieging children, then tragedy is not far away.
Last weekend, a doctor friend said that a boy was taken to the hospital by his classmates because of drinking.
It turned out that the boy and his classmates found a bottle of wine on the side of the road and opened it to drink. Unexpectedly, they were drunk after a few sips.
was in the hospital, his nose burst into tears and said that he was useless, and his mother was disappointed by not studying well.
is really sad. The reason why children drink is because of too much pressure.
Chinese-American writer Wu Qishi said: "The more parents care about you, the higher their expectations of you. Their care will continue to fall on you like snow, and eventually crush you. "
High expectations are not love, but harm.
The true love of parents is to let go of their expectations to understand and accept their children.
Remember the second-to-last girl in the exam?
A ghostly girl with a lollipop in her mouth tells her mother that she has good news and bad news.
After being asked by her mother, she said that the so-called good news turned out to be the second lowest in the class, and the bad news was that she failed the exam.
But the mother was not angry, let alone scolded, but laughed softly.
because this smart mother understands,Although the score is very important, it is obviously more important than the healthy growth of the child.
writer Ai Xiaoyang told a story.
Ai Xiaoyang’s father had excellent grades since he was a child. He was originally a material for a prestigious university, but because his family was poor, he graduated from junior high school and went to technical school.
When Ai Xiaoyang was in junior high school, her father pinned his hopes on his daughter, and even adjusted the alarm clock to let her recite words early every day.
However, Ai Xiaoyang, who was in the rebellious period at the time, was very disapproving, and her father's all-day life was even more disgusting.
There was a time when the father and daughter saw each other like they had met an enemy, and the relationship was very bad.
Later, Ai Xiaoyang's father finally figured it out.
He no longer had too high expectations for his daughter. Instead, her daughter felt like a fish in water. This feeling gave Ai Xiaoyang a lot of confidence. Later, she counterattacked with a scumbag and was admitted to Wuhan University. The
picture book "Ann's Seed" says:
" Every child is a seed of a flower, but each person's flowering period is different. Some flowers will bloom brilliantly at the beginning of , and some flowers, It takes a long wait. "
really determines the future of a child from things outside of books, such as self-confidence, self-discipline, perseverance, mental quality, etc.
The acquisition of these abilities is inseparable from the acceptance and encouragement of parents. The more parents accept their children, the more possibilities there are for their children's future.
How parents should reasonably grasp the expectations of their children
1, do not compare their children with others, compare with yourself
I saw such a post some time ago. After the
mid-term exam results, a mother posted on the Internet that her son got 28th from the countdown in the class, saying that her son has risen a lot, and she was really happy, and she also said she would treat her son. There is a deep sense of pride between the lines in
. In fact, the scores of the 28th place are really not good, and can only be regarded as upper middle, but for a child who counts down from the beginning, it is not easy to get to this step.
Each child has different talents and learning abilities, and not all children can learn well.
Smart parents will let their children compare with themselves, if they make progress, they will praise and encourage them, so that children can experience the happiness of progress, so as to maintain greater enthusiasm for continuous progress.
2. Expect to meet the child's own objective conditions
once watched such a night of news, there is a mother who graduated with a 985 master's degree.
She and her husband are both academic masters, but the child is a real scumbag, and every exam is counted down.
In order to improve her child's grades, she asked a tutor, enrolled in a tutoring class, and tried every means. In the end, she had to accept the reality that the child's aptitude was indeed average. Z2z
has also understood one thing through consulting materials and accompanying reading, that there are really talents in the world, and some children are not born to read.
provides children with a correct world view, good health, and happiness to be ordinary people.
3. Compared with anxious children, it is better to manage yourself
Some time ago, in Chengdu, Sichuan, a 57-year-old aunt named Zhou Jian took the college entrance examination with her son and was admitted to the Department of Directors of Sichuan Film and Television Academy.
Now, she has entered the university to study. In order to strengthen her professional foundation, she spends most of her spare time studying in the classroom or library.
Zhou Jian said that he was busy with work and taking care of children before, and he had no chance to pursue his movie dreams, but "it is not too late to pursue dreams at any age."
has this passage in the book "I'm a Mom, I Need a Platinum Bag": The world of
is like a theater. When the current row of audiences stand up, the back row of audiences have to do the same, so the world is very It is difficult to find a mother who is not anxious.
The growth of children is not a reason to make our lives mediocre. On the contrary, children make us more aware of who we want to be.
Children are not only the continuation of life, but also a new driving force for continued growth.
Jimmy said in "My fault is the fault of adults": " I know I am not a perfectChild. When I become different from what you expected, please love my original appearance, love my original appearance, and praise my original appearance. "
In the eyes of children, parents are his world.
Therefore, we must know how to guide and inspire children, let them become confident and sunny through a little progress, instead of always oppressing children through high expectations, let Children feel scared. Only by giving children reasonable expectations can
truly love children and help them grow up healthily. Z2z
Author's profile: Yiming, Fushu columnist, Fushu continuous contribution to realizing camp 2.0 student, middle-aged A girl, holding a pen with her left hand, raising a baby with her right hand, writing with a persistent heart, this article is first published in intensive reading by parents, the copyright belongs to Fushu, unauthorized reproduction is not allowed, infringement must be investigated, Fushu 2018 launched a new book "Good Good" Life"
• The picture comes from the Internet, and the copyright belongs to the owner of the picture.
