[Broad Parenting] 6 dos and don'ts to criticize and praise children!

really should pay attention to methods when praising and criticizing children.

Today we will talk about some of the things that should and should not be done when criticizing and praising children.

Criticism

01. Criticize education, do not vent your emotions

Children make mistakes and often damage something or affect others. Adults may sometimes be unable to control their emotions and blurt out some emotional words, which are not only for children’s education Disadvantageous, even using language violence to hurt the child's soul. When children grow up, they may be afraid of authority, or may develop rebellious psychology and become even more disobedient to discipline.

We must first accept children who make mistakes, but not accept the children's wrong ideas and behaviors, but the needs behind the children's behavior.

Maybe the child just wanted to drink water, but accidentally broke the cup; maybe the child just wanted to turn the book, but tore the picture book; wanted to get a certain toy, but knocked over the toy box...

-Don’t talk about these-

"Why you can't do a thing well!?"

"If you have the ability, you keep crying, I see how long you cry."

"Why are you disobedient"

"Why are you so Stupid!"

-we should say this-

"you got the toy down" ( objectively describes the situation )

"it's a pity, such a cute cup is broken" (expression of regret)

"we will clean up/organize together Clean it up” (guide to solve the problem)

“Why do you stain the floor?” (look for the cause of the error)

02. You should discuss the matter and don’t turn over the old accounts.

The child has made a mistake, and you need to directly address what is happening right now. Analyze and educate your children, not to repeat things that have passed before.

One is because the child is too young to not necessarily have a clear memory of the past, and we are at a loss when we repeatedly mention the child; the other is to convey a message to the child: the past mistakes are corrected and they are over, repeated mentioning It will only make the child feel that the correction is meaningless and the parent is lying.

The lying behavior of adults will make children feel insecure, and security is the most important requirement for children besides their physical needs.

-don't say these-

"You did the same last time, how many times have you been?"

"Did you wet your pants or knock over the cup?"

"The last toy you broke like this!"

-We should say this-

"It doesn't matter if you make a mistake, you must pay attention next time" (for understanding)

"Then how are you going to make up for this mistake?" (Solving the problem)

"Do you have a better way to reach It's?" (search for the reason)

"How can we not make mistakes next time?" (search for the reason)

03. Be consistent, not double standards. The emotions of adults often affect the effect of education, and sometimes we are in a mood right now. Well, some small mistakes made by the child are quickly forgiven; but the next time the same type of mistake occurs, he happens to be in a bad mood and furious.

This is to indulge children, and teach children to "look at the faces of adults". He will know that adults can do this and that when they are happy, and they need to converge when they are unhappy. What's worse is that the child's mood will also change, and then the child will easily develop an irritable and irritable personality.

-Don’t talk about these-

"It's just a plastic cup, so don't blame you!"

"Just drop the remote control, you have to drop the phone to me"

"I said it was wrong this time"

-we should say this-

"Be careful, plastic cups will also be broken" (emphasis on the value of the item)

"a candy needs permission to get it" (emphasis on the principle)

"telling the truth is also honest "Children" (labels that emphasize excellent quality)

praise articles

04. Appreciate hard work, don’t just praise your cleverness

"You are awesome!", "You are the best!", "You are so awesome! "...Similar to simple compliments, don’t talk about children, adults are also bored? Compliments like

actually don’t touch the children’s psychological needs. When children are seeking our response, they actually I want to prove my own achievements and my abilities. Z1z

praises the child’s efforts to affirm his dedication and ability to exercise. The child will have a sense of joy in the process of learning and exercising, and will be more in the future. Throw in.

-don't say these-

"You are awesome! "Z1z

" You are the best! "Z1z

" You are amazing! "Z1z

-we should say this-

" The blocks you built for so long are so tall! "(Z5z emphasizes the workload )

"You are awesome, you have learned this poem" (clearly points out the child's achievement )

"This Lego is a bit difficult, you have all done well, great! "(Z5z emphasizes the difficulty of )

05. Express your feelings, don’t evaluate

Many adults will directly give a clear “good” evaluation when they praise their children. In fact, these evaluations are made by adults from an authoritative perspective. Z1z

This will make children rely on adult evaluations, unable to develop children’s sense of self-worth, and pay too much attention to their evaluations when they grow up, unable to draw objective self-evaluations. If

turns evaluations into feelings, what children feel is The adult individual’s attention and importance to him as an individual is not an authoritative stamp, but a feeling, which is conducive to the development of children’s self-awareness.

-don't say these-

"You are so smart, baby! "Z1z

" Baby, you painted so well! "Z1z

" Baby sings so well! "Z1z

-we should say this-

"I like the pictures/songs you drew/sing" ( expresses personal love )

"You just shared cookies with your friends. The kids are very happy! "(Describe the facts in detail)

"I like the colors in your paintings. "(Z5z praise the details )

06. To discover the children’s self-worth, do not respond in a perfunctory manner

Some parents praising their children to emphasize the parent-child relationship and bring their own perspectives in their words. Children tend to blur the protagonist and lose consciousness Whether the parents are complimenting their children or themselves, or even feeling that they don’t take it seriously, the intimacy with the parents will be reduced.

Complimenting children should be clear, do not use abstract concepts, and use descriptive language.

- these do not Say -

"You are really a good baby of mom! "Z1z

" As your mother, I am very proud! "Z1z

" How dad be you such a good baby! "Z1z

-we should say this-

" You sent the dolls home! "(Z5z descriptive language )

"Today the baby brushed his teeth by himself, the baby learned! "(Z5z points to clear )

"You have all learned, then teach me!" "Z1z

Our inappropriate criticism and praise language may lead to children:

timid and low self-esteem, fear of authority

rebellion, disobedience to discipline

lack of security

no sense of accomplishment

anxiety, love 5z

zzz6 Receiving the shackles of others' evaluations

......

When we criticize or praise our children, we need to adopt a gentle but positive attitude, observe and guide children to act in the right way, and develop good behavior habits!