Hello everyone, I am Qilin’s mother. A mother of twins who shares her parenting insights and experiences with you.
Two days ago, I saw a question on Zhihu: "My child has a somewhat upright personality, and sometimes what he says is embarrassing. How should I communicate with my child so that he can understand?"
As for the "uprightness" of children's speech, it seems to be related to the so-called "emotional intelligence", so how can we guide to make children and people around them "comfortable"?
The "uprightness" of young children is a kind of "child talk"
In the past two days, because I was "yang", I couldn't eat well or sleep well, and I also suffered an accidental injury -
Early in the morning, my almost 3-year-old brother said to me: "Mom "Mom, look at my big eyes. They are so beautiful!"
"Hahaha. They are so beautiful!" I responded to him quickly, still thinking about complimenting each other: "Who do you think your big eyes look like?"
I've warned you enough, right? All it takes is for him to make a little noise from his throat. Result -
"Not like mom! Like brother!" He pointed at his brother who was a minute older: "I am just like him. Mom, you have small eyes and you are not good-looking!"
This...
"Mom has small eyes because of illness. You have to care about mom." I did not give up.
"Mom, drink water. There is virus in your body. You must wear a mask and drink more water." The child quickly helped me get water for me to drink.
We will find that three- and four-year-old children can easily notice the difference in appearance between others and themselves, and will also speak out about such things outright - they especially like to pay attention to human faces since birth, because they do not have a clear concept of right and wrong, so naturally it is difficult to have the so-called empathy ability, and sometimes what they say will make people feel "awkward."
When faced with children of this age, if what they say is "unpleasant", we as parents should not stop it harshly. We might as well teach our children to "care about others" from another angle.
For example, if a child sees someone without hair and speaks out, we can say: "It's very cold, you might as well ask your uncle to wear a hat to keep it warm."
Or maybe at a party, relatives and friends serve dishes that the child doesn't like, and the child directly refuses: "I don't eat cabbage, I don't want it!"
We can follow The child said: "Auntie hopes that the baby will grow tall and handsome, so we give you the food. So we thank auntie. Mom can help you cut it into thin pieces and you can eat it. If you can't eat it, just give it to mommy."
Guide the child with positive and warm words, so that the child can gradually correct his "unintentional mistakes" and learn to avoid criticizing others and talking about others, and instead care about and appreciate the kindness of others. Even if the child makes the atmosphere a little awkward, as a parent you can be more humorous and relaxed.
Being "upright" and "ignorant" are not excuses for older children to be reckless.
When I was 7 or 8 years old, I saw a man with dwarfism when I was shopping with my father. At the time, I didn't know about dwarfism, and I thought of the seven dwarfs in "Snow White." So, I pointed at the man and said to my dad: Dad, do you see how that man looks like the dwarf in "Snow White"?
My dad quickly covered my mouth and told me softly: They have dwarfism and are sick. Your behavior is very bad. You will not be allowed to discuss other people's appearance and shortcomings like this in the future.
It has been over 30 years since this incident, but I have never forgotten my father’s teachings and three chapters of rules to me.
Do not comment on other people's appearance and physical defects at will
Appearance defects, especially physical defects, are things that no one is willing to face but have to face. Whether you express sympathy in good faith or make mindless comments, you may cause harm to others, so the safest way is to "shut up"!
We often think about how to let our children say things that everyone likes, but often "too many words lead to mistakes". We can tell our children: If you have never seen something, or something that makes you uncomfortable, you can go home and tell your parents, but there is no need to say it openly in front of others.
Don't blame others wantonly, but make sure you are a good child
Writer Liushahe once recorded such a thing. One year, his mother brought freshly threshed grain from the countryside to the city to visit him. But the grain bag had a tear, and his mother didn't notice, causing most of the grain to leak out when she carried it home.
Liu Shahe was very angry and said to his mother: "You leaked food along the way. Someone must have seen it but didn't remind you."
The mother said: "It just leaked. Mom only hopes that if you see such a thing in the future, you can be that person." A person who reminds others that 'the bag is broken.'"
Liushahe said that his mother's simple words made him feel ashamed, and he suddenly felt that he was far different from his mother.
6 and 7-year-old children enter the childhood stage from toddlers. At this time, it is easy for them to have a "little adult" attitude. For example, they accuse others of being unhygienic, being picky about food, and littering... Sometimes they even feel complacent because they point out other people's "imperfections."
If we educate our sons like the mother of Liushahe - when you see other people throwing away garbage, you might as well pick it up silently; if you think others are picky eaters, you will eat everything yourself... Teaching children to take care of themselves is an important magic weapon for treating "brainless and straightforward towards others".
Use the correct method to guide the "words" or "discourses" that children do not understand.
Once, I went to my friend's house as a guest. Her 6-year-old niece is also playing at home. During the meal, the little girl kept saying that she did not eat meat.
My classmate told her that it would be more nutritious to eat a little bit of all meat. Otherwise, if the pork seller knows that you don’t eat this or that, you won’t sell it to your aunt next time.
Unexpectedly, the little girl opened her mouth and said: "Auntie, you are not a meat seller, how do you know this?"
It was obvious that the little girl did not understand the difference between "selling pork" and "selling meat". This sentence made the big guy particularly embarrassed.
Fortunately, my classmate was very calm: "Although my aunt has never sold pork, the owner of the meat stall told my aunt that he can see what his customers do and eat!" The embarrassment was quickly resolved.
This kind of thing may be easily said by children "inadvertently", but we adults must not "make a fuss".
On the one hand, we need to standardize our own terms; on the other hand, we can also use Tatsuya Miyanishi's picture books "Daddy, Dad" and " Suzuki Picture Book Love and Growth" to help children understand careers and think about others.
A child's innocence, open-mindedness, and simplicity can not only be expressed in language, but also reflected through expressions, eyes, etc. Most adults do not particularly care about "childish words"; But "uprightness" without thinking and warmth for a long time is a kind of recklessness and rudeness. This requires our parents to guide, influence and educate, so that as children grow older, they can also gain increased empathy.#Children's Family Education#
[I am Qilin's mother. I have taught and written. Now I accompany my twin boys Qiqi and Qi Qi to grow up one by one. I regularly share with you emotions and two or three things in parenting life]
