Author / Shiyan Baihe Psychology Qu Yaoqi
Editor / Shiyan Baihe Psychology Zou Yue
The waves behind the Yangtze River push the waves ahead, and the green is better than the blue. Nowadays, living conditions are better, and the learning conditions created for children are also better. Of course, children should surpass their parents in achievements. This is the common understanding of our parents about raising children.
I may want to pour cold water on parents here. You can imagine, those historical celebrities and great men who can be named since ancient times. Have their children surpassed them? We can't even name their children. And this phenomenon is more obvious in families with better parents.
From a psychological analysis, there are two reasons: First, the more excellent parents are, they may project their own shortcomings onto their children. If the children subconsciously identify with it, it will be difficult to surpass their parents. For example, a parent who is very good at mathematics may not be able to tolerate his child's incompetence in mathematics, so he will continue to blame the child for being so stupid and unable to solve such simple questions. He will continue to feel a sense of superiority while condemning the child, and the child will continue to feel frustrated through his constant condemnation, which will lead to the child's mathematics getting worse and worse. In this case, instead of standing on the shoulders of their parents, the children are stepped on by their parents.
In the second case, the child will subtly suppress it for the parents, and subconsciously want to degenerate in the parents. For example, in our lives, there are some children of law enforcement officers or educators who show the opposite of their parents’ professional traits. Parents engaged in these professions have higher requirements for their own conduct and abilities than others, and they also have higher requirements for their children's conduct and abilities than other parents. The Psychological Association believes that there are two instinctive impulses in everyone's heart: black and white, good and bad, positive and negative. When parents constantly emphasize good conduct and positive energy to their children, the parents' bad impulses will be deeply suppressed in their hearts, and these deeply suppressed bad impulses will be sensitively detected by the children. Children may act out for their parents these destructive impulses that have been suppressed in their parents' subconscious.
In life, there are also parents who raise children who are much better than themselves. It may be that these parents have a lower starting point, so the room for improvement they leave for their children will be relatively large, making it easier for children to surpass their parents. Moreover, children are more likely to feel a sense of accomplishment when they surpass their parents.
It is also possible that the parents themselves are excellent, and can guide and encourage their children correctly, and can recognize every tiny progress of their children in real time. In this way, the children will grow up on the shoulders of their parents, and with their own efforts, they can easily surpass their parents.
