Since having a child, the deepest feeling in her mother Qiaoqiao is that she has a "weakness". Whenever I take my children out, Qiaoqiao is always very nervous. She was afraid that her children would have conflicts with other children, and she was afraid that her children would be hurt.
But we all know that when children start to contact and interact with people, children begin to develop their social attributes. During the process of socializing, some conflicts with others are inevitable.
On this day, Qiaoqiao brought her two and a half-year-old son Lele to the amusement park in the mall. As usual, Lele rushed to his favorite sand pool without hesitation and played with the excavator in the sand pool.
Just as Lele was having fun, a naughty boy snatched the excavator from Lele's hand. Seeing his beloved excavator being snatched, Lele naturally started crying loudly, crying while eagerly seeking help from his mother.
Qiaoqiao, who was beside him, saw this and hurriedly stepped forward to comfort the child: "Baby doesn't cry, it doesn't matter, let your brother play first, and mom buy you a new excavator later."
But this comfort seems to be useless to the child, and Lele feels even more aggrieved. cries louder, clamoring to get the stolen excavator back.
Qiaoqiao was actually very struggling inside. Such a thought flashed through her mind, wanting to get the child’s excavator back, after all, this was what the child got first. But she was afraid of conflicts with other parents and wanted to calm down.
Finally, after a fierce psychological struggle, Qiaoqiao still compromised and took her son to the mall to buy a similar excavator.
Although he got the same excavator, Qiaoqiao found that his son Lele did not have the joy of playing in the sand pool on his face, and he seemed to have no interest in the new excavator, so he threw it aside after fiddling with it.
Qiaoqiao's mother is actually a microcosm of many mothers. When we don't have children, we will not encounter the same thing so much "cowardly", But after having children, we are very afraid of this conflict. It is better to have less things than to have more things, and to calm down.
A mother also had a similar experience. Her daughter, who went to school, came home to complain that there was a naughty boy in the same class who always stole his beautiful pencil. This mother's approach is to comfort her child and tell her, "It's okay, mom can buy you new ones."
The most correct sentence for children when they are bullied and wronged is "It's okay". This sentence seems to show the generous attitude of mothers, but in fact, for children, the simple "It's okay" of will make them even more aggrieved.
When the child is bullied, parents should not say "it's okay" to the child. It hurts more than not saying it
● Pay attention to the child's inner feelings
When the child is wronged, parents should not take their own actions and consider the child's inner feelings. Sometimes it doesn’t matter" that parents say "it’s okay" to calm down, will make the child more uncomfortable than this matter itself.
I remember when my younger brother was in junior high school, he had an argument with his classmates in the same dormitory and was beaten and injured by his classmates in the same dormitory. This incident eventually became a shadow in his younger brother's heart.
It’s not because the wound hurts, but because his mother’s approach makes him feel so heartbroken. After the mother learned that the child had a conflict at school and was injured, the first thing she did when she arrived at the infirmary was not to care about the child's injury, but to cursed at her brother and blamed him for not being impulsive. In this matter, my brother can say that is the party that "suffered" because his body was hurt. When negotiating compensation, my mother's words made my brother's heart even more heartbroken.
Mom feels that the other child did not do it on purpose and can be forgiven. There is no need for classmates to make the relationship so stiff in the future. In this way, the mother refused the compensation her younger brother deserved. After the incident of
, the relationship between my younger brother and my mother became much distant. Whenever I mentioned this, my younger brother's eyes were always dim.
because he feels that his mother is not on his side and protects himself . His mother's reconciliational attitude made him feel cold.
Parents always think that they can "see through" their children and do things for the good of their children, which is a manifestation of loving them.
But in fact, when we really encounter something, how many parents pay attention to their children’s inner feelings, and how many parents pay attention to their children’s inner grievances?
●Give children the opportunity to express their feelings
When children are bullied or wronged, parents should not only pay attention to their inner feelings, but also give their children the opportunity to express their inner feelings.
Children are an independent individual with their own ideas. Although parents give their children life, is not the roundworm in the child's belly, and they cannot express their inner feelings on behalf of the child.
When a child has conflicts with others, it is best for parents to let their children express their thoughts. If the child chooses to forgive, then parents can pass on this attitude to the other party.
If the child feels wronged and wants to defend his rights, then parents should help the child fight with reason.
●Be a good support for children without being humble and arrogant
Indeed, in this era of information explosion, we are easily exposed to a lot of negative news. Which playground parents fight for their children, and which children are "retaliated" because of the conflict.
Therefore, when parents encounter conflicts with , it is understandable that people have peace of mind, but sometimes parents' are cowardly and blindly seeking peace will cause greater harm to their children.
When the child is bullied, the correct attitude of parents should be: "We don't cause trouble, but we are not afraid of trouble." Parents should stand up and protect their children with an attitude of neither humility nor arrogant. Defend the rights of children and become a strong backing for children.
Written in the end
As the child grows up, you will definitely encounter some storms. As parents, what you need to do is teach your children how to protect themselves, and stand up bravely when necessary and become the backing of their children. Parents’ attention is the source of children’s sense of security and their confidence.
Parents simply endure it, trying to "rest and calm the situation" and say "it's okay" to their children. What they may be in return is their cowardice, timidity, and unconfidence.
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