A father with a sense of accomplishment can accumulate the height of whether a man will succeed in his father's role through many "first" teachings of his children's growth.
Father was also a child, and he will definitely remember many "firsts" in his life growth. For example, the first time I got beaten, the first time I went through a long journey, the first time I came into contact with a brand new world, etc. If these "first time" come from your father, it will inevitably be accompanied by howling wind and huge intensity, and the long-term impact will accompany you throughout your life.
This does not mean that the mother's "first" impact on her children is not important. Compared with the care of her life details such as breastfeeding, caressing, food, and cold and warmth, maternal love is always warm, with a sense of satisfaction given, full of safety tips for reminders; and fatherly love is definitely not like this. It must be challenging, curious, with the rules of the game, and pays the price.
When I wrote this article, I always felt a little lacking in confidence. Because, I lost my father at the age of three.
It was not his death, but he left me when he was young and transferred from the army to Beidahuang . Soon, he found a new love and returned to his hometown to break up with his mother.
I was five years old that year, and I still have a little bit of my father's impression: a man in a yellow coat picked me up and raised me up. Since then, in my life vocabulary, "Dad" has become an extremely unfamiliar and difficult to pronounce.
is probably the reason why I lack fatherly love since I was a child. I attach great importance to the role of my father. I remember that when my daughter called me "Dad" in a tender tone for the first time, she could not standardize the issuance of two syllables: Ba Ba, but sent out a series of BaBaBaBa..., which made me very excited.
I have repeatedly corrected my daughter’s pronunciation: It’s dad, not dad. Until I clearly heard the two strange and affectionate names: Dad!
From a pronunciation perspective, this is a lip burst sound. After the airflow gathers on the lips, a momentary force must be formed before the syllable of "Dad" can be formed. Otherwise, it will be a soft Ma Ma.
When I was in elementary school, I was often ridiculed by my classmates and I had never issued the two syllables of my father. I secretly called "Dad" in front of the mirror in the room. After calling it many times in a row, I realized the secret of this pronunciation. Don't believe it? You try to post these two syllables.
In fact, I didn’t think about so much of the sense of role before and after being a father. Like many men, I am mostly confused and become a father in my twenties. Then, as the child grows up, he slowly enters the role of father. In a sense, it was my daughter who taught me how to be a father.
Only now can I realize that in the face of a small life, I am also letting myself return to my childhood. When teaching my daughter every new ability and opening her eyes, I also felt the fear of rejection and familiar joy that I had once had. Therefore, the first priority for parents in front of their children is not to forget what their childhood looks like. When you think your child is so clumsy and stupid, that is exactly the shadow of your childhood.
How many "firsts" of my daughter's growth were related to me, my father? I began to think back.
The first time I broke free and helped to learn to walk. After falling down, I stood up again. The first time I saw the sea, the first time I learned to swim, the first time I read a villain's book, the first time I rode a bicycle, the first time I took a plane, the first time I boarded Mount Tai and watched Yellow River . The first time I went to Qufu to watch Confucius Temple . The first time I ate chocolate, the first time I watched a movie, the first time I went to the zoo, the first time I went to kindergarten, the first time I was beaten, the first time I went to the countryside, the first time I put on makeup, the first time I was the first time I ate chocolate, the first time I watched a movie, the first time I went to the zoo, the first time I went to kindergarten, the first time I was beaten, the first time I went to the countryside, the first time I put on makeup, the first time I was the first time I was a Going abroad, the first time I go to a restaurant, the first time parent-teacher meeting, the first time drinking, the first time heart-to-heart talk after setbacks, the first time people meet the transcript after the first exam, the first time mentoring articles in newspapers, the first time taking injections and taking medicine, the first time losing temper and making adults surrender shows the power of will, the first time...
It can be said that the more contact a child with his father for the first time, the more contact a father with his father at one time, the more personality genes of the father in this life. After that, the child's life journey will basically repeat or transcend the model of his parents, and the family's life and hope will be reunited in this way.
What comforted me was that all the first time above were given by my father. I still remember many of my daughter's "first time" scenes. The first time I learned to swim, I held her cheek and walked from one end of the swimming pool to the other end; and at home, I used a stool to cushion her waist, letting her learn breaststroke posture; the first time I rode a bicycle was on the playground of the school, I grabbed the back seat of the car to exercise her balance skills; the first time I wrote a manuscript, I told her many issues such as the beginning, title, style, and language under the desk lamp, until her efforts turned into lead type in the newspaper; the first time I ran away from home due to anger, I secretly followed her and followed her to Ximen Bridge, and then stopped her and forced her home.
Among my daughter's many "first time", there are several things that I can't forget. After I penetrated these things, I discovered that this is a force that will continue to gather. Just like the beginning of my childhood ignorance, to the erection of a young man, to the ambition of a young man, I am so similar and familiar.
When my daughter is three and a half years old, she will be sent to the kindergarten. That morning, when I was carrying my daughter out, she thought I was going to take her to the park again, and she looked happy. On the way, I kept saying that there were many children in this place who could play hide-and-seek with her and play building blocks.
When my daughter waved her little hands at me in the kindergarten hut, she didn't know that his cruel father wanted her to stay in that strange little house alone. After taking the child to kindergarten, I did not leave immediately, but accompanied my daughter to play with the children. Soon, my aunt winked me and told me to leave. I sneaked away while the child was not paying attention.
In the evening, I went to pick up the child, and before I could enter the yard, I heard a familiar cry. I hurriedly stepped into the door and saw my daughter sitting alone on a small stool outside the house crying loudly. Her nose and tears were stumbled, and the aunt ignored it.
When the child saw me, his crying stopped abruptly, and then a series of heart-wrenching screams of his father and father burst into pieces, and then he stumbled into my arms. At that moment, I was full of tears, hugging my daughter, and comforting her with a sob: Dad is here, if you have dad, you won’t cry.
I suddenly felt strongly that a person's loneliness and a strange environment are always the most terrifying challenge in life. And father is the one who helps you overcome these things. I also suddenly remembered the moment my father lifted me up. At that time, I was as old as my daughter, but I didn’t have the warm arms and strong arms of my father.
was probably strongly stimulated. My daughter cried from the kindergarten to the middle class for nearly a year. During this period, I personally picked up, comforted, threatened, and guided me, rewarded with delicious food, and talked about the benefits of collective life. Gradually, the daughter's crying became weaker.
I clearly remember that every time I broke up, she would cry and say to me: Dad, come and pick me up. And a few times later, my daughter just held back her tears and walked into the classroom alone.The responsibilities and sense of mission of a man and a father have made me remember them through these scenes of my daughter.
One year I went on a business trip in Beijing. It was the summer vacation of the school, so I took my daughter and I to stay with me for a few days. I took her to Forbidden City , watch Summer Palace , and go to Wangfujing to have a big meal of roast duck. That day happened to be her 18th birthday, so I took my daughter to the hotel's hair salon to cut her hair. I told the hairdresser that today is my daughter’s adult life and I hope you can dress her up like a beautiful woman.
So, my daughter drew eyebrows for the first time, applied lipstick, applied foundation, and styling her hair. After getting ready and dressing up, I couldn't believe that my daughter was so beautiful and feminine. That day, I took a lot of photos of my daughter, and I said to her: Today, you are particularly mature and beautiful. Her daughter's face was full of happiness and curiosity, and she looked mature and dignified in the camera.
At night, she hid in the bathroom alone for a long time and didn't come out. My father knows that my daughter must be reluctant to take off her makeup in front of the mirror. However, I need to remind her to "get out" as soon as possible, so I knocked on the door and urged her to take off her makeup and rest immediately. I remember that when I was eighteen years old, I also had my first blowout at a barber shop in the provincial capital called Chimei to participate in a school performance. At that time, the barber applied a lot of oil on my head, and I was radiant in the mirror, and I was completely different from the appearance of a boy. At night, I couldn't bear to leave my hairstyle, but my mother still pulled it out of bed and forced me to wash my hair. The role played by a person must be "entered into the painting" on time and "released out the painting" in time. The nostalgia and hesitation are the enemy of life. Therefore, I was like I was once again experienced in my life with my daughter.
When my daughter went abroad, she was already twenty-one years old. At that moment, she hugged me tightly at the entrance of the Beijing Airport, and then resolutely pushed a cart of luggage away. It was about a few dozen meters away from the entrance to security check. During this period, her mother and I followed her figure without turning our eyes, hoping that she could stop and wave to us. After all, she was in France. However, my daughter did not stop, nor looked back at us. Her steps were firm and relaxed. No matter how worried his parents were, she left without hesitation.
